Getting a Head!

Dear Loved Ones,

Helen is the one in need of advice today!

If you've seen the 'costumes' Helen wears to Walmart, you might think she needs advice EVERYDAY - fashion advice!

Saw this Saturday. Had to have it.

Helen always likes to get a head in the world.

But it really needs to be repainted. So how about some DIY?

I don't know, Helen, DIY on your seat is one thing but maybe fixing your head is one thing you don't want to try to do yourself?

Basic gloss white? Silver? Gold? Red? Or something other than paint? Fabric? Collage? Glitter?

My that IS a pickle! Luckily you know the PICKLE QUEEN! I say paint it green!

How about you? What would YOU do with Helen's head? HELP!

All the Answers?

Dear Helen Hartman, 

Isn't it time you had something different on your blog? Like an actual answer to a question? Love to see you pull THAT off!

Dear Loved (imagine Helen making invisible quote marks in the air) One,

You want answers? You think Helen can't deliver answers? Well there is one thing about Helen you don't know!

That Helen spends a lot of time in her pajamas scaring small children?

No, that Helen knows she doesn't have all the answers. 

In fact Helen's advice is often as helpful as giving a sewing machine the size of a tractor to a glamour gal!

But Helen does have friends who have answers! Today dear friend and fantastic author of books like Reclaim My Heart  has an answer to the question...

 Why do you write Romance?

by Donna Fasano

I can’t tell you how many times over the course of my 20-plus year career as a published romance author I have been asked, “When are you going to write a real book? You know, a [insert genre of choice: mystery, historical, thriller, etc].” 

Or a cookbook - because people need to be saved from ideas for eating right. And, apparently also for eating wrong. Very, very wrong.

So I’d like to take this opportunity to tell readers why I write romance novels.

I suffered a lot of tragedy while I was growing up, the worst of which was the death of my mother just as I was entering my teens. I felt as though I went from 13 to 35 overnight, and when my friends were off having fun, I was cooking and cleaning and helping my little brother with his homework. 

Romance novels were an escape for me. The Wolf and the Dove, The Far Pavilions, Whitney My Love, Rebecca, The Thorne Birds… if the book featured one man and one woman falling in love, I read it! 

Sigh. Me too, Donna.

Romance novels offered me hope for a happy future filled with love (hokey, maybe, but I was a naïve teen). As a young wife and mother, I discovered Silhouette Romance Novels. These books were short and sweet and uplifting. Each and every story put a smile on my face, and the happily-ever-after endings always boosted my spirits.

Yep, better than scotch (what ISN'T?) or even a glass of wine? Helen agrees that being swept away  by words is a wonderful way to change your outlook.

 Are romance novels real? No. Does every real-life relationship end in HEA? Of course not. But if I wanted doom and gloom, I’d watch the evening news.

No thank you. Unless it's got a girl in a striped hat tap dancing with a cane, it's not welcome on Helen's fancy portable TV.

As an author, I can’t think of a better way to use my talent than to bring pure enjoyment to my readers. I tell people that I write cotton candy for the mind. Think about that. When you were a kid and you put a small cloud of that wispy confection on your tongue, what did you do? You smiled. And maybe you even laughed. That’s the reaction I’m going for with my short, upbeat stories. That’s why I write romance novels. So if you’re looking to get lost for a few hours in a fun, cheery story, I hope you’ll try one of my books. 


Helen hopes you will too! Find them on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, for Kobo and find out more about Donna on Facebook!

Joining Pink Saturday!

People often ask Helen: Where's your head?

Ok, maybe they ask me if my head is up someplace unlikey, but usually when those people start talking I grab a margarita and a tabloid and sit  under the hair dryer so I can't hear them.

Sometimes it's good to stop and ask yourself some questions too.

Starting with: 

Where are you at?

Are you living in the past? And if so, do you have a great figure, cute clothes and an amazing house like Helen's? Also a family who does your  bidding? Because if your past isn't THIS fabulous, maybe you need to relocate!

What are you doing to feed your dreams?

Because dreams, like bodies, need good stuff to help them grow. Too many of us are living on mental olive gelatin mold and stuffing down emotional sticky buns!

How are you spending your time?

If your answer is dressing like a fancy cowboy and drinking in a bunkhouse, then you may want to rethink your choices!

What kind of company are you keeping?

And are you getting as much as a $38 cash refund for all the energy they are sucking out of you? If not, YOU may be the one who needs to start handing out rebates to your fellow cuddlers on the power slide of life

All of these may help you answer the bigger question, the one Helen stops to ask herself a couple of times of year - Where are you going? (and are you headed in the right direction?)

Where ever it is, if you drive onto the playground so your lazy inner child doesn't have to walk more than a couple steps to get a drink, maybe you need to rethink that, too! 

No big life lesson, Loved Ones, just what's going on in Helen's mind these days and to ask - where's YOUR head these days? I hope it's in a good place!

Helen isn't Your Mom - But Would it Kill you to Give Her a Gift?

The best laid plans of mice and men often go astray

- well so does Helen!

As Helen's nosy neighbor, I an attest to that!

No Helen's plans go astray. 

Helen is always hygienically clean, even when dancing in her girdle and cone bra.

As today when I was going to address a question about Mother's Day gifts by ridiculing picking possibilities from my Montgomery Ward Spring Catalog -- the more I flipped through the pages the more I found to love. 

I was, indeed enchanted! Next time someone says Helen has gone to the dogs what I will hear is Helen is in her dressing room admiring her trash can and toilet brush cover.

So let's hop in the Tempus Frigidarius (Helen's food stuffed time travelling appliance of delights) 

My Hubby treats me like a Queen - Behold the power of a freezer full of beef and beer!

and check out a few things on my wish list.

I don't think it's any coincidence that the gal in the $1.98 one is giving you a "My Montgomery Ward jammies ain't the only thing about me that's cheap and easy " look.

Guaranteed for 2 years? Anyone still seeing things like these while vintage thrifting? 

Yes, please!

There you have it - a nice list of things to get Helen. Um, I mean your Mom. Of course if your Mom has a KINDLE - you can get her THE LAST BELLES (see link in the sidebar) if she loves sweet southern charm or Summer of Love for a sassy southern tale set in 1968.

Happy Pink Saturday - and HAPPY MOTHER's DAY!

Me and MY MOM!

Mission: Possible (but not probable)

Loved Ones, people are always asking Helen how she does all the things that she does and does them all so well and I have but one answer for them: 

People who ask Helen too many questions might just end up with a one way ticket to Mindyourownbeeswaxville?

No! My answer is that Helen is an outrageous and unapologetic liar. 

So if you are looking here for an apology, you may as well move along. I hear Mindyourownbeeswaxville  is nice this time of year.

I had thought that taking a week off from work would allow me catch up on all kinds of things.

As opposed to PUTTING ketchup on all kinds of things which is something she did a lot of, living on junk food all week. Anyone want to bob for Beanie Weenies?

And so I start another work week, another month, another season lagging further and further behind

Lagging behind? Write now to learn how  you can have a delightful ass by Christmas. Just for instance...

I began to think of the quest for a smooth running life as Mission Impossible. At first all that got me was that danged theme song stuck in my head.

Oh, not the Mission Impossible theme - The Jetsons... man is that song catchy!

Then it made me think of how those tales of those super cool, super organized, can-do-anything Mission Impossible accomplishniks started and it dawned on me what I need.

OK besides THIS booklet, what I need...

Every day I need someone to send me a message telling me what I need to do and why. A little threat at the end about what will happen if I don't complete my list might also be in order.

You hear people complaining that we don't have flying cars like we were promised but maybe we should be grateful that some visions from the past about the future never came to pass. 

Of course there are some flaws in that plan. For one thing I don't even own a tape player and if I did, having it destroyed daily could get costly. Also in that show they were always given the out – "your mission, SHOULD YOU DECIDE TO ACCEPT IT". 

That may prove my undoing. Unless, of course, I take up lying...

No Derby Hat This Year

Loved Ones, remember when you were a kid and you'd put a half slip on your head and pretended to be The Flying Nun?

Me Neither!

Happy Derby/Pink Saturday, Ya'll

May Day! May Day!

Dear Helen Hartman,

Why don't more people celebrate May Day? I really love the holiday, and I can't figure out why other people are letting the holiday die when it marks the unofficial beginning to summer and it involves an adult version of ding, dong, ditch! How can I get my friends and readers to be more involved in making May Day special?

Dear Loved May One One,

Ding Dong Ditch? Helen adores playing that game! 

GAME? I thought it was a SONG! I've been going door to door singing "Ding dong the witch is dead..."
Kelly, not the brightest candle in the crayon box.

Y’all know what the writer means about May Day, right? There is a tradition of going to your neighbor’s doorstep, leaving a gift, ringing the bell then running...

 Right. Like Helen has ever run anywhere! 

What kind of gift? 

It's always about the gift with you, isn't it? I hope you're happy. Now you have Helen wondering if she plans to love you for another week or not.

We used to make construction paper May Day baskets with tissue flowers to take door to door when I was a kid.

And by door to door Helen means when she was a child they went cave to cave.

‘Round about where I live May day has gotten over shadowed by something. Y’all may have heard of it?

So while Helen is busy jockeying for position at the mint julep bar she suggests you head over to visit Bolton Carley here to celebrate the holiday. The welcome mat is out.

Caution Door Butler with daisies not made with real grass 'fingers', does not posses actual magic nor does it in any way say 'welcome'. Also there is no connection whatsoever with any butler. And what the heck is that little girl doing? Helen thinks she's setting a trap for potential May Day visitors.

Play nice. Leave a basket of kind words. 

No singing required but if you do happen to show up in you bikini... no pictures, please. 

Drink a beer from a cottage cheese tub (now you have to go over to see what THAT’s about) Also - no ding dong ditch.

Joining Wow Us Wednesday!