Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Nana-hey-hey, Nana-hey-hey...good buy!

Dear Helen Hartman,
    We have record breaking temps for this time of year. Or any time of year. Our AC died today and won't be fixed for da-a-a-ays. It's hot and stuffy in here and nobody in my lame family will fan me.
 Love me some advice on how to keep from boiling over!

Dear Loved One
 Your dilemma puts me in mind of a song: We’re having a heat wave… a tropical heat wave. The temperature’s rising. It isn’t surprising. She really can…  whine, whine, whine!

Through out time people have lived without air conditioning. How do you think they survived? If you answered by peeling off your clothes and slipping into your fabulously sexy swimsuit and parading around your kitchen then you're right!
You know these unnamed relatives of Helen's are the a pair of real cool kittens! Hmm... peeling, slipping...makes me think of something, but what?

Ahh, I know. As Helen always says – 

“When life gives you lemons… find someone that life gave something better to, squirt that person in the eye with your lousy lemon and while they stumble around looking for a towel take what they got!”  
 It’s not catchy, but it has gotten Helen a lot of good stuff.

My recent find is not lemons, however, but bananas  

  I know! Amazing, right? You’re probably looking for a lemon right now to try the eye-squirt and grab to take Helen’s treasure aren’t you?
"Here's to you, Honey! Perfect aim with that lemon. Just look at all this great patio furniture I snagged while the Johnsons were rubbing their eyes and complaining! You're the COOLINGEST!"

Helen keeps promising herself that she will post some useful recipes but then she finds one of these booklets (another $1 bargain!) and though she wants to get serious...

 Ham Banana Rolls? Melted cheese, boiled ham, banana and margarine? Seriously? 
How could I NOT share that?  Or these:

They aren't even TRYING with that 'recipe' are they?  
Then there's this...THIS isn't even a recipe.. it's just... wrong. 


So. Very. Wrong. 

Honestly, I want to play it cool (cool? that sounds familiar, were we talking about staying cool?) but then...

Oh, THAT's How it's done! Imagine the bananas that would have gone woefully UN mashed if not for you, oh, Chaquita Banana advertising recipe book!
But who is it that I should mash these bananas for, 
 book of banana-y wisdom?

Say, Ralph, is that a banana in your...diet? Your eyes sure look bright! (somehow the phrase fully ripe bananas seems a little dirty when placed under that photo)
As an old folk, I like bananas... they give me the get up and go to keep me light on my feet when I put on my swimsuit and flash the other old folks who come to the kitchen for a midnight snack! 

Later that day 'Grocer Dan' was arrested after it was learned he was not a grocer at all just a weirdo who liked to show the ladies his 'banana hands'. 
(The looks on their faces! I don't know whether to laugh or cringe - who gets that thrilled about produce, really?)


 Today's take away: Even though the heat is on, you don't have to let inconveniences put your feet to the fire. So when the temptation comes to whine, tell that attitude to make like a banana and... wait! What? Is that a banana dissecting a...a...a banana
 Okay, that put a chill on the whole deal, for certain.
Try not to have nightmares about it.
Stay cool, Loved Ones.


  1. Houses were specifically built for cross-ventilation back in the day, and most of us had attic fans that pulled in the air at night...and water coolers in the windows and oscillating fans everywhere. Later, we had window units in several rooms, so even if one went out, the whole house didn't get hot. Not true so much these days. And even though my house was built in 1950, most of my windows have been painted shut for decades, so it's a catastrophe here when the a/c goes out and the temperature is over 100. Boooooooo for broken a/c units! :) (I say that because mine has been acting like it's about to conk out on me.)

  2. You are hilarious! That banana pineapple salad is eyewateringly wrong. I must try that out at my next dinner party.
    AC what the heck? I live in the UK and absolutely love sweating myself silly. I choose to go to India when the tourist season's over just to enjoy 90% humidity. xxx

  3. Dana -it must be an epidemic as the repairman can't even come look at it for days. Our house has a ton of windows but is newer and as you point out - no cross ventilation.

  4. Vix - so true! When we first came to Ky in the 80s air conditioning was something you had in your bedroom with a window unit if at all.
    Banana art was quite the craze - I have seen one suggestion to place the peeled fruit upright in a pineapple ring and place a coconut sliver at the top to make it look like a candle!

  5. Your blog is the perfect way to start my day. Awesome pics and delightful commentary. I'm on the hunt for a banana with my morning cereal. Cheers!

  6. Well, that banana/pineapple salad would be a conversation starter anyway... not sure it's a dinner conversation, but they'd be talking:@)

  7. As my husband would say: "cool bananas!"
    Has anyone ever told you that you're a very funny lady Ms Hartman?

    p.s. thank you for your very lovely comment on my post today x

  8. Hi Helen, we will not turn on the ac in our old house at all this summer except maybe in the bedrooms at night. Our old house is like a big old dark cave and about eight degrees cooler than outside. Thanks bunches for visiting me. hugs♥olive

  9. Oh my stars, how I love your blog! Am putting you on my blogroll right away. And I do not intend to squeeze lemons at you, I will simply admire your retro finds from afar with - um, admiration (I'd think of another word if only I had had more coffee this morning...)

    And thank you for coming over to Kitchen Retro :)

  10. mwahahahaha!! I nearly choked on my banana reading this post! The banana salad is very tempting ;o) I now have the Chiquita Banana song in my head. Scarlett x

  11. People have a/c in their homes? When we want to cool off we head to the library. Or more often run through the sprinkler.

    How am I ever going to be able to pass the bananas at the gas station again without giggling? (Yup, we get our bananas and gas at the same place.)

  12. LOL!!!!! I guess I know more about bananas now! So, when are we considered "old folks" and what does that mean that I eat bananas now, ha, ha!!!!


  13. Thanks y'all, I have enjoyed each of your blogs so much it just makes my day to read your comments!

  14. Thanks for the blog roll shout out, Lidian!

    Jacalyn - I KNOW, makes me want to eat something tough and chewy to prove I'm not old!

    Dogsman - we live in rural Ky, I totally understand fruit in the gas station - and home grown vieggies out of truck alongside the road. Not to mention one biz doing double duty - a few years ago (absolute truth) we had a bait shop and beauty parlor here called The Worm and Perm!

  15. Ham Banana Rolls! How do you find this stuff?!?

  16. ha ha ha ha this post has made my day after a hard day at the office it was just the light dose i needed ;-)) That Banana and pineapple looks so wrong ha ha ha. I am afraid i can't offer any advice on the Air conditioning as living in England we don't need to just a maybe a few fans in the summer. Ooohh there you go light bulb moment;-) You could surround yourself with loads of fans ;-)) Have a lovely week, dee x

  17. Oh my gosh...this is just too funny...I love it...you know the AC in my car broke for the third year in a row...this year it is too expensive to fix, so...a co worker of mine said..."OMG! what are you going to do? Get a window unit?" I laughed for days at the thought of a window unit hanging out the side of my car...lol,,,Pinkim from TrulySimplyPink

  18. Thanks y'all - Pinkim love the window unit idea! It was in the mid 90s today so a nice excuse to go sit in a coffee shop and people watch!

  19. I always laugh when I read your posts. That banana and pineapple thingy is very wrong, I agree. Same with ham & bananas! Thanks for linking up to my Share the Love Wednesday party!

  20. You have given me the best laugh I've had all day. Thank you, thank you, thank you!


    “If forced to make choices,” she said,
    “I’d go for the crimson and red.
    I’d let go of green,
    (Some think it’s obscene),
    Embracing magenta instead.”

    Dancers in Red

  21. OMG, you crack me up! And I have to tell you that I LOVE your Banana book with the song in it!!! And now for a little tidbit of info, my elementary and junior high choir teacher was one of the Chiquita Banana ladies!! (I kid you not!)

  22. Love your poetry and POV on life, MMTeacher!
    Mary - I just love your blog.
    A teaching banana lady!! I am in heaven just thinking of it. Thanks for stopping by.

  23. I do not know the joys or woes of an air conditioned home...I have never lived anywhere we needed it (Coastal California is is pretty moderate). But if it were hotter, I would have a new appreciation for it.

    Love all these fun vintage ads and quote, etc. I am a huge fan of vintage cookbooks and pamphlets and such. Now, I need a banana.

  24. I always wondered how they dealt with the hot weather in days gone by. They either didn't have as hot temps as nowadays, or they just laid on the floor with their tongues hanging out and moaning! And that's not just a bunch of bananas we're talking about, folks!


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