Dear Helen Hartman,
Oh no! While I was busy being a good housewife summer snuck up on me! (Not unlike my husband, Howie, that horndog! Not tonight dear I have a fridge to clean under!). I don’t even know where to begin to get ready for summer – would love to know what you do to prepare!
Dear Loved One,
You are in heels and a dress on your hands and knees with your behind in the air jamming a broom behind the fridge (something Helen would never do -- unless she dropped her last quarter down there and the ice cream truck was coming) and you’re asking ME where to begin?
I’m just sayin’… its space age technology, people, what more could you possibly want? You have the testimony of Mrs. Aarrgghi, after all (Yes, I'm aware that can't be right but Helen isn't wearing her reading glasses and she just isn't convinced the small print here is worth the frantic hunt to find them - they'd probably just be under the tiger skin rug and that lady doesn't look like she'd be easy to move.)
Is it just me or does Miss Trim Jeans (Jeans? Really? That the word they went with? Not Trim Trousers or Puffy Pants?) look a little like a 1971 version of Snooki? Helen can certainly imagine the reality tv 'star' in this get up, only with a larger bump… in her hair, of course, and an oranger shade of tan. Speaking of tans - this fantastic breakthrough: from May, 1952
|So much wrong about this and yet, Helen longs for one... you follow the sun... while lying around all day...oh, the luxury!|
Well, You can diet:
|Is she dancing in salad? Is it like the time Lucy stomped grapes? If this is what slimming and trimming one's self looks like, Helen will pass.|
|And you can exercise:|
Want a bike LIKE yours? Heck no, I'll just take yours, since you've already sold all the greeting cards to win it and I've been shaping up by dancing in my salad wearing trim jeans.
And you can get some sun:
|What's with the head gear and cape? Beachwear for the active Nun in the Sun?|
|I understand that body issues are often passed from mother to daughter, but the same should NOT be true of ugly head wear. Please, let it stop here.|
|From the same magazine article, this beach 'robe' - instructions provided - made from an actual beach BLANKET. You have to supply your own guy who is more interested in a picture book and hugging his own bouquet than in disrobing you.|
Perfect is boring (which is why Helen sometimes falls a little short of the mark because boring is one thing she never aspires to be) So diet, exercise, dress things up or better yet, swallow your pride and admit it’s a not ALL about you (some of it is, naturally because you ARE fabulous). Get moving, get dancing or just get out of your own way.
Laugh it off, lap it up, do something wild, be someone unexpected –
FYI - having an Open House Link Party Friday, June 3rd (will put link up late Thurs night). Helen isn't keen on rules, so it's basically just a chance for people to drop by, leave a link, leave a comment on what their blog is about and if you are the 'plays well with others' type, invite people via your blog to do the same with a link back to Dear Helen Hartman. Please come back Friday - the link party will be open all weekend.
Linking around at Coastal Charm Nifty Thrifty Tuesday
and Type A Anything Goes Link Party
Coming late to Wow Us Wednesday at Savvy Southern Style
and Vintage Thingie Thursday at Colorado Lady
and Simple Pleasures at This and That