Dear Helen Hartman,
My biological clock is ticking so loud it wakes my husband up at night. All right, I confess it keeps me up and I give him the old elbow to the back or kick in the shin pretending it was an accident to wake him up. But once he’s awake, he is usually pretty open to the idea of starting a family -- on the spot! Trouble is I’m not sure I am ready for a baby.
Love to know your take on preparing for motherhood.
Dear Loved One,
It has been so long since Helen had to deal with babies (except the ‘put your big boy/girl pants on and deal with it’ variety) that she had to take her own refresher course via some educational material she has in her vast library… well, okay, I thumbed through some magazine and pamphlets lying around the house.
Let's see, Good Housekeeping! That should be a treasure trove of ... Barbecue?
I know they had some weird ideas in 1951 but that can’t be right. Still, there is no word on this cover about babies! It’s a sales sample. My bet is that the barbecue part was to appeal to the man in the house and the baby because women didn’t read the words, they saw that baby and subscribed on the spot, right? Those kooky gals and their maternal instincts - a marketers dream!
|This was actually to illustrate how much like grown up food Heinz Baby Food was!|
It is a matter of truth that my own mom used to tell me that if I could handle a husband I could handle a baby. Helen has met both men and babies and aside from a glazed look that comes into their eyes around ample bosoms I do not see much correlation.
In fact, according to a very good rule of thumb, if Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.
Save that jar? It’s a great place to pour your happy juice and have everyone think its sun tea.
Helen’s version goes: “If Helen ain’t happy, ain’t nobody sleeping until she is. Now go get Helen a jar of sun tea… the happy kind… and don’t use the word ain’t.”
From what I find in my sources pregnancy and having a new baby is a breeze. You can wear cute clothes… and have your friends flaunt their great bodies in your chubby cheeked face, it seems.
(Yes, hang your head, you let yourself get all pregnant-y with that baby you're carrying!)
But once the baby is born, you get to rest for weeks!
Yes, it does say that, along with the reminder that it’s now time to get your figure back.
These are what they recommend to get back in shape… or is it to get pregnant again?
Helen can’t tell you if you are ready or if you will be a good mom. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, and the best and though my children are grown my job is not over. I will worry and pray about and love and encourage them until my last breath.
And I while I absolutely understand the people who don’t want children, I don’t regret having mine. Most days.
Now go hug your mom.
Or somebody’s mom.
Or even someone’s kid.