Friday, July 29, 2011


Dear Helen Hartman,
    It seems that the only time my hubby speaks to me lately is when he wants something done around the house. It’s gotten so bad that I’ve begun to think I should change my name to: “Honey Would You” because that’s how he starts every sentence to me. Maybe if I were more glamorous he’d find something to more to say?
               Love to know how a gal with a husband and family can find a little time for herself!

Dear Loved One,
       Helen is confused. You have a husband and family and STILL don’t have time for yourself because things need to be done around the house? Loved One, what are the kids and husband FOR?
"If you hold the cup to your ear you can hear the ocean... and it's saying, 'Make your own damn coffee, I'm having 'me' time!'"
 Helen thinks it’s time you took a good long look in the mirror. 
AaRrrrrrGgggggHhhh! I wasn't ready for the extreme magnifying side.

Helen believes you could signal ships home to safe harbor with this thing!  They suggest it would make a nifty gift for your gal. Helen agrees... if you gal is a sea cap'n.

 No, not THAT one.
That’s not a mirror, Loved One, no matter what your hubby has told you. That's a husband head re-adjuster - and look, all electric, too!  
No, my hair is gorgeous but don't tell my husband... otherwise I couldn't keep spending every Saturday at Mr. Ramone's House of Hair and Highballs
You might like the one I found this weekend (while hunting for a hat, which I found and it will make you positively dizzy with envy -  or that could be a blood pressure thing, check with your doctor just in case.  But more on that another time):
$2.99, pink, black and fabulous!
My son, brilliant thing that he is, came in and showed me a better way to set this up, but the photo was done and Helen was tired, you get the idea.
But if you insist on more self examination, you might want to look inward and ask yourself: 
 Gee, no. Helen didn't even realize that was an option but now that you've given her the idea...

 Maybe this article will help us find new ways to do just that!
This was from a short story in the same Women's Home Companion titled The Sensitive Male - snapping at his girl because she asked if he wanted her to drive. Sensitive? Sensible is more like it. That's so crazy. A woman driver!
Back to the article. For starters, despite the title, there is no test, so you know right there it’s a cheat. Oh, how I wanted a simple set of questions to answer so I’d know (according to the author, a self-proclaimed feminist – I didn’t know they used that word in 1959, did you?) what I was doing wrong...
so I can do it wronger (and achieve my diabolical goal of total household domination, bwahahahaha).
My husband wears the pants in the family - makes it easier to for me to say to him, you do it honey, I don't want to get my dress wrinkled.
 No such luck in the article, however. Just a whole lot of judgment and scolding – something Helen Usually enjoys (as long as it’s not aimed her way! Who would DARE, right?). But in this case? Let’s reflect on the advice offered here within.
You hadda see it to believe it.
What set our intrepid author off in defense of the poor beleaguered male? A husband/law student she met that was made to do laundry in his household including but not limited to… folding it!!! (Did I put enough exclamation points? I fear it might not have quite captured the author’s unabashed incredulity so here’s a couple more !!) 
"You just set those logs by the fireplace, Honey Bunny, I'll tend to the meal and the guests then fetch your slippers."                                 
"Oh, sweet death come swiftly and save me from the constant haranguing of this harsh and heartless harpy of a wife of mine."

Women, we're told, fall into this exploiting the hubby trap because, unlike their mothers, modern wives do not have "serving girls" or "maiden aunts" to help run the household so what choice do they have? I mean if you can't exploit other women, you gotta go with a hubby, right?

Other transgressions of the modern housewife also include, meeting hubby at the door with a tool. No mention of the times hubby has met wifey at the door with a tool (his buddy with the No Fat Chicks bumper sticker springs instantly to mind).
"Hey Mike, How d'ya get your glasses so danged sparkly?"
"Beer!"    "That's not a household, tip, Ken, that's just Mike's answer to every question."

Another example of a good wife gone wrong? The civic minded wife who expects her husband to babysit whilst she goes to meetings in the evening! 
Now, this Helen agrees with. Why send hubby out to babysit to earn a measly couple bucks an hour when he could be at home actually contributing to the raising of his own children?
"911? Send someone fast. My wife left me alone with our kids. It's been 20 minutes and I don't think she's ever coming back!"
And lastly the wife who works outside the home, thus heaping stress onto her family and home life without substantial financial gain. 
Helen had to read that twice. 
You don’t think Helen’s hubby would buy that it’s in his own best interest that Helen quit working and stay home thinking of him all day, do you?

  "Just one more layer of spackle, sweetie and it will be done. Then time for me to start taking it off to go to bed!

From the same magazine, a pictorial on how to apply make up in 15 easy steps! If that was the expectation no wonder wives needed husbands to pitch in around the house!
 Hmmm, it just might be worth a try. After all if I were exploiting the poor dear, I don’t know HOW I’d EVER be able to look at myself in the mirror again. And you KNOW how Helen loves her mirror time!

Joining Pink Saturday with How Sweet the Sound


  1. Do you know my husband has 9 siblings, and his dad never changed ONE diaper?! Me thinks I love all things vintage EXCEPT for my man. I like him all modern and exploited. :)

  2. Beautiful post! Thanks for sharing.
    Hope to see you on my blog:)

  3. Needed a laugh so I thought I'd stop by. The way I get things done is to start a project and the perfectionist husband says, "I'll do it, I'll do it." =0) I think he has figured that out though.
    Happy Pink Saturday!

  4. Hello Helen:
    Stay single comes to mind!

  5. Jori - LOL, some things are better left UN vintage!

    Happy Pink Saturday... off to visit your blog too!

  6. Holly, don't you hate it when they catch on and you have to create new devious plans? Exhausting.

    Too late to be single, Jane and Lance, gotta whip that man into shape instead.

  7. Mmmmm, do you exploit your husband? Well I haven't a hubby but the man I live with has just cooked me my lunch, made me tea in bed and I've sent him out to mow the lawn whilst i read blogs. xxx

  8. Another witty post. I'm definitely spoiled. I have the best of both worlds in the summer. My husband becomes Mr. Mom. Gotta love those k-12 careers! Your pink/black compact is gorgeous! Definite envy.

  9. I was looking forward to my weekly laugh...
    So cute that Helen..Enjoy your weekend!!
    Happy Pink Saturday..xo Tami

  10. lol I think I lived with a boyfriend (gasp) for a total of a few months back in the stone age when I was dumb and 18.

    That cured me from ever wanting a man in my world 24/7!! No thanks!!

  11. I'm with the rest of them -- I rediscovered your blog and just knew where I needed to come for a giggle this morning!

  12. I'm going to remember this one: "You do it honey. My dress will get wrinkled". Of course, I may have to start wearing dresses!

    Hope you will please drop by and enter my $50 Gift Card Giveaway!! If there are 500 entries, the amount will increase the Gift Card to $100.

  13. Hilarious! Makeup in 15 easy steps... I just don't have the time, my appointment at Ramone's House of Hair and Highballs is in 20 minutes:@)

  14. Another wonderful chuckling share. Will remember that dress line for hubby!
    Have a beautiful PS weekend ~
    TTFN ~


  15. I love your post and blog so much!!!.))

    I need your help. I spend another survey but this time with another question.
    "Where do you prefer to shop? What is your favorite shopping center?"

  16. I've been away from blogging for some days, I came here as quick as I could and what a priceless idea...exploit your husband...hahah...I wouldn't dream of it when I had one; and now when I don't have one I get to know I can and should....LOL

  17. I want to get my hair done at Mr. Ramone's!!!

  18. As ever Vix, a woman after my own heart!

    Cool, Honey, thanks for visiting.

  19. LOL and Marydon- HPS to you too.

    Khushi - it's always that way, isn't it?

    I don't know, after a few highballs, Mr. Ramone's 'Dos' might be great big 'Don'ts'!

  20. I can always count on a good laugh when I visit you - thanks a bunch!

  21. Hi! And thank you for stopping by my blog for a visit and leaving such a lovely comment. I too read about you in Sea Witch's feature. Your blog is a hoot, and I am going to have great fun being a new follower of yours! I was hooked already just reading your profile - these two things about you I found especially beguiling - "9)I think one of the nicest things anyone could say to me is "you're turning into your mother", 10)I think that in almost everything people write there is a little of themselves, a little of their hope, a little of their pain and at least one message that has the power to change someone's mind, mood or life.". Both of them are just WONDERFULLY said. Hope you are having a great weekend. Greetings to KY from Germany, ~Debby

  22. Helen,

    I love my modern man who believes in cooking, cleaning, and being the bread winner too! I'm thinking unvintage and all the way modern! Enjoyed your post. I hope you can join Design Gives Back blog party the week of August 12th-18th for a story that will give inspiration and warm your heart! Happy Pink Saturday!

  23. Thanks Pat and Debby!

    Off to check out!

  24. your blog is so heartwarming and fantastic. just spent a good amount of time browsing during lunch... and i'm a new fan. following from usa! hoping to stay connected.


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