Dear Loved Ones
I have always had a close knit family, which is a strange term for people who probably should not be trusted with sharp, pointy objects seeing as more than a few of us have a tendency to come unraveled. NEVER THE LESS, every summer for more than 20 years we have gathered and spent a long weekend together at what we call the Cousin’s Campout. All of us in one lodge, sleeping wherever we can find a spot, swimming in skanky pond water and getting in each other's business. It is not for the faint of heart. Or the delicate of stomach.
"We will be joining the family at campout this year, Mother?"
"Oh, no, dear. But we can listen for updates on how it's going on the police scanner."
It is better suited for the loud of mouth and the smart of assed. Which is why my daughter and I go on our own.
"Where are we headed, mama?"
"West, darlin' and we aren't stopping until we find a spot selling fried pies by the side of the road... unless we find a good place to shop, of course!"
This leaves the men folk at home to fend for themselves. We can only imagine what mischief they get up to… and we don’t care!
"While you girls were off on your road trip I spent the whole time staring at a lightbulb!"
"Cable went out again, did it?"
(I see the sun lamp is also good for tanning your baby and your arm pits!)
We rent a car and trek half way across America – stopping at antique malls and junk shops along the way, whenever we find one. And yes, we talk like we're from Minnesota, which is weird when you realize that our Kentucky accents are probably goofy enough.
We'll be headed for the part they are advertising you can totally avoid if you are smart enough to take a plane. Ahh, America, land of upwards of a dozen things worth seeing -- all of them on the coasts!
This year we are going on the cheap, have booked a room in a genuine Route 66 era motel in Missouri and have even chosen a theme for our adventure. Thanks to my daughter (who has a gift for finding the ugliest, tackiest objects in any vintage venue) we will be searching for objects tailor made what we have dubbed: The Village-wide Yard Sale of the Damned!
We called this vignette that we found last year - Jesus has two daddies. Yes, I KNOW! It's so wrong... so very wrong.
(VWYSotD, btw is not to be confused with the World’s Longest Yard Sale where we found the above tableau. Don’t fret, we will take you along for that too in August)
So pack your bags-
Let's see, gloves, scarves, make up, jewelry, playing cards, sunglasses, tiara... what? Don't tell me you travel without a tiara? Helen expects you to correct that post haste. Really, we are NOT animals, Loved Ones!
So, hop in the backseat and hang on for your lives – the adventure begins Tuesday!