Sunday, July 17, 2011

Road Trip!

Dear Loved Ones
          I have always had a close knit family, which is a strange term for people who probably should not be trusted with sharp, pointy objects seeing as more than a few of us have a tendency to come unraveled. NEVER THE LESS, every summer for more than 20 years we have gathered and spent a long weekend together at what we call the Cousin’s Campout. All of us in one lodge, sleeping wherever we can find a spot, swimming in skanky pond water and getting in each other's business.   It is not for the faint of heart. Or the delicate of stomach.
"We will be joining the family at campout this year, Mother?"
"Oh, no, dear. But we can listen for updates on how it's going on the police scanner."

It is better suited for the loud of mouth and the smart of assed. Which is why my daughter and I go on our own.
  "Where are we headed, mama?"  
"West, darlin' and we aren't stopping until we find a spot selling fried pies by the side of the road... unless we find a good place to shop, of course!"

 This leaves the men folk at home to fend for themselves. We can only imagine what mischief they get up to… and we don’t care!
"While you girls were off on your road trip I spent the whole time staring at a lightbulb!"
"Cable went out again, did it?"
(I see the sun lamp is also good for tanning your baby and your arm pits!)

We rent a car and trek half way across America – stopping at antique malls and junk shops along the way, whenever we find one. And yes, we talk like we're from Minnesota, which is weird when you realize that our Kentucky accents are probably goofy enough.
We'll be headed for the part they are advertising you can totally avoid if you are smart enough to take a plane. Ahh, America, land of upwards of a dozen things worth seeing -- all of them on the coasts!

This year we are going on the cheap, have booked a room in a genuine Route 66 era motel in Missouri and have even chosen a theme for our adventure. Thanks to my daughter (who has a gift for finding the ugliest, tackiest objects in any vintage venue) we will be searching for objects tailor made what we have dubbed: The Village-wide Yard Sale of the Damned!
We called this vignette that we found last year - Jesus has two daddies.  Yes, I KNOW! It's so wrong... so very wrong.

(VWYSotD, btw is not to be confused with the World’s Longest Yard Sale where we found the above tableau.  Don’t fret, we will take you along for that too in August)

So pack your bags-
Let's see, gloves, scarves, make up, jewelry, playing cards, sunglasses, tiara... what? Don't tell me you travel without a tiara? Helen expects you to correct that post haste. Really, we are NOT animals, Loved Ones!
 So, hop in the backseat and hang on for your lives – the adventure begins Tuesday!


  1. ooohhhh sounds great fun can't wait to go with you how exciting ;-)) I love your pictures today and the words with them you always make me smile ;-)) Have a great time, dee x

  2. I'm so pleased you packed your tiara. I always take false lashes and sequins when I'm camping, people scoff but they always get worn. Have fun! x

  3. Hello Helen:
    Count us in! We are always ready for an outing and have luggage packed and waiting in the hall in readiness of any invitation we are fortunate to receive.

    Probably we could enter [and hope to win] the strangest accent award, of course we have tiaras, we can talk for England [or Europe for that matter]and certainly can make a good impression of being 'smart of assed'. Please, please, pretty please, may we come too?!!

  4. Sounds A-MAZING! Right up my street but I tend not to wear my tiara when i go thrifting as ive noticed they put the price up when i forget to remove it from my royal bonce ;o) Scarlett x

  5. Have a fabulous time. I can't wait to hear all about your adventures and what antiques/thrifty goodies come back home with you.

  6. That tiara is so cute...I can't believe I like a pink tiara though! I'm sure you'll find some awesome tack to show us when you return, Have a great time.xx.

  7. Thanks dee!
    Vix - wearing a tiara (I actually have a small one called the traveling tiara) while driving brings out the smiles in others (and sometimes waiters, yes waiters - want to try it on) - totally worth it.

  8. Jane and Lance - Hop in! Our favorite part of the trip begins in St Louis where we pick up the trail of historic Route 66 - and hear accents from all around the world.

    Scarlett - so true, people do tend to think they have a 'live one' when they see the tiara!

  9. You've packed the blue Samsonite TRAIN CASE!!! You have, you have! That would make even a sashay down to the Quik-Shop into an adventure.

    How I'd love to be along in the back seat, my big ole nylon scarf a-flappin' over my bun, and some Jerr' Lee on the 8-track. (Did I say I can spot a card table in a yard from ten hoots and hollers away?)

    Y'all stop by if you get up this way, hear?

  10. Have fun! Be safe!
    Rose (curbshopaholic) told me to stop by your blog! She said "you know that dear helen hartman" yes, I said "she's from louisville"
    Well, imagine my surprise! :) L'ville here too my dear!
    I hope ya'll have a great trip!

  11. Jealous! I'm itching to go on an adventure.~Ames

  12. The longest yard sale will never be the same....Will cameras be following you?!?

  13. You SO belong in my family. But then that could be unsafe for America. Can't wait for the shenanigans to begin.

  14. Rachel, I'll honk when I get there but if you don't come running out, we'll sail right on by!

    Gail - your blog is awesome. Don't you just love Louisville. I'm a transplant but it's home now.

  15. Ames - well, maybe you can put on a tiara and a bathing suit and go down to the grocery store and wave at all the admirers - THAT's adventure enough for anyone.

    Sherry - 2 years ago my sister in law and I were under consideration to be followed by the HGTV crew for it! I think we skeered 'em.

  16. Lynn - so would that make it Lynn and Helen's big ass trip to... Sulfer Okalhoma? It just don't have the same ring as your other adventures.

  17. Have fun! Can't wait to see all of the sweet crap you find. :)

  18. Oh my... Been so long since I did a road trip, and I love them. I will live vicariously through yours. :)

  19. Wow. What a fun post format! You are a nut! I love it! I suspect the men folk stayed at home because they were very afraid! ha!

  20. Thanks y'all - Jenny- you could be right!


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