Sunday, August 7, 2011

What's a Mother to Do?

A flash Back fave for Wow us Wednesay!
Dear Helen Hartman,
     I am so jealous about the yard sale. I have always wanted to go to that but can't because it's ALWAYS the first week of school for my son and what kind of a mother would I be if I didn't stay home and put my family before junk heaven, I ask you.
        
Helen has been contemplating this question ever since Laurie (visit her blog: Indulge YourShelf) asked it. Of course Laurie meant it as a reminder of all that moms sacrifice for their children. It’s a LOT, too.
 
 I mean it starts before they are even born, all the things you are encouraged to give up. 
Like drinking, smoking, nude skydiving – while drinking and smoking. 
It’s really unbelievable how limiting it can be!

Had Helen asked this, however, she would have meant: What kind would I be… I ask you. I really want to know.  Are we talking years of therapy to undo the harm or just a compulsion to eat deep fat fried Snickers bars to help stuff down the anger whenever my child passes a flea market? Because if it’s the second one, Helen might risk it.
 See this lovely chocolate cream pie? I am going to eat it all myself while flipping back and forth between Toddlers and Tiaras and an American Pickers Marthon. Take that, MOM!

That’s not right, is it? To find the answer. Helen feels the need to ask the experts. And who are more expert on the pitfalls of child rearing than former children, now fully reared (some more fully reared that others – you know who you are. May the strings of your string bikinis be made of reinforced nylon tow rope). (no photos please!)

So let’s ask the question – What is a mother to do?

First of all – despite the fact that they can often look almost angelic:

And God bless Mommy and Daddy and Mr. Woofington and please don’t ever let my folks know it was me who chewed all the hair off my dolly - because I wanted to make dolly look like Lady Ga Ga.
            Whaa-a-a? I spent 2 days locked up at the vet being watched to see if I pooped a plastic ponytail for that stunt!

You cannot leave the little snot nosed germ-magnets, um, vulnerable little darlings unattended for any length of time without taking a gamble. (Talking time to go and gamble while leaving them to their own devices, would be a bad idea too, then... I guess. Sigh. What happens in Vegas is going to have to keep happening without Helen.)   

Laugh it up now Suzie but as soon as mom turns her back you are getting 
an underwater wedgie that will make chlorinated
 pool water shoot out your nose, too!
    

Look, in the movies they use stuff like this to blow a bank vault wide open.  If we put our heads together I bet we can come up with something good enough to bust the lock on the desk drawer where Dad keeps his dirty magazines.

How did past generations of parents deal with the dilemma of kids needs vs. Mom needs?

Yes, Joan. Had it installed right in the bathroom. It’s perfect for hiding from the kids, I tell you. Every time one of them sticks their little fingers under the door to ask what I’m doing, I start the water and say 'running a bath for YOU' and they scatter.

 You know that saying that children are to be seen and not heard? Thanks to sound proof plexiglass that’s not just an expression around my house anymore. Please don’t tap the glass, though, it makes them think it’s feeding time.

Some thought it best to find… creative ways to keep children occupied while they indulged in a little 'me' time.
 "It certainly is quiet around here, darling."
"Isn’t it lovely?"
"When do you think we should call the fire department?"
 "Let’s give it another twenty minutes. He's hardly even struggling anymore and 
I want to finish this chapter."
"I suppose that's how they learn, right?"



 Okie dokie then. If you can finish the whole lawn now without running over your  mom or your sister’s foot again, Dad’ll bring you back some peanuts and maybe a swizzle stick from O’Malley’s… um, I mean, the office.

Hmm, once again Helen seems to have thoroughly examined a problem, managed to give a lot of advice and forgotten to actually come up with an answer. Oh well, if it was good enough for raising my kids, it’s probably good enough for my readers, right?

  Dear… Helen… Hartman… 
  Pppffffttttt! 
"Underline it, sis!"

Oh, C'mon, don't be like that. What a Mother is to do is love her kids. Even when you don't particularly like what they are doing, love them. Even when it means missing the World's Longest Yard Sale - Laurie, does it help to day it wasn't that great a year this year? - love them. And don't forget that in order to do that, it's okay to do things that enable you to love the non-mom parts of your life as well.
Kids AND a real life? Throw in a job and other responsibilities too? My cup runneth over! 

Helen is going to have Sunday dinner with her kids now. 
If she can hunt them down and they can put up with her awful behavior 
(payback is so sweet!).

Hey joining Vintage Thingie Thursday at ColoradoLady

25 comments:

  1. The head stuck in the rails is a hoot. Yes, there were times when that would have seemed like a good idea...LOL

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  2. This is hilarious, I really enjoyed reading it, as you can see I am a new follower. I will have to go back and read your old posts.

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  3. As always you bring both a smile & chuckle! I so rememer our son getting his head stuck in the rails.

    Have a beautiful week ~
    TTFN ~
    Hugs,
    Marydon

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  4. The head in the rails thing cracked me up - it was in a story about design. My first thought was about the design of the space. Wasn't until a third or fourth review I saw that poor kid!

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  5. This is priceless! I raised four sons...and survived! I wish I could write some of my experiences with some of your good humor! lol What stories I could tell! Enjoy your evening, girlfriend! ♥

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  6. Oh, this made me laugh so hard! Thank you for examining my dilemma!!

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  7. I think I'll read this one over and over...I loved it! I barely survived three boys who weren't fond of bath time, so I related to the talking in the bathroom thing! You are absolutely hilarious!

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  8. What a laugh. I read an article before this about how good laughing was for the soul....and then I came here for my dose of good ole fashion medicine...LOL

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  9. My 3 year old was trying to put her head through our railing the other day. I had her visions of her ending up like the little guy in the picture. Hmm I didn't think of being able to get some reading in. ;)

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  10. Four sons One wore me out. Bet you have some great stories.

    Laurie - thanks for the inspiration!

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  11. Three boys is still enough to make me dizzy.

    Thanks so much khushi!

    Jori - sometimes you have to make the best of a situation with kids. I still don't get how a kid with his head between the spindles illustrates good home design!

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  12. Love this! It reminds me of all the times when I would complain about doing a task and my Mom would tell me that someday I would have my own kids...Now that I think about it, that statement can be interpreted in a number of ways...

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  13. I thought she was talking on the toilet, but she would never do that ..lol Very funny post, cool blog.

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  14. Thanks King! On the toilet, that's so cute. Don't you know people in the mid-century didn't HAVE toilets!

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  15. Oh my lord you make me laugh! No one else wants to fess up to it, but I remember my mom locking that sliding door every now and then! Of course she tells me her mother used to kick she and her brothers out and tell them not to come back until lunch! Drink out of the hose if you have to! You could do stuff like that in the 50's right? Ahhh, the good ol'days.

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  16. LOL! What a wonderful post!

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  17. Oh, Pam, we drank out of the hose! We were thrown outside and the rules were, stay within the area where you could hear Mom call you for lunch and then in the evening, come in when the street lights came on! We're fine... when we remember our meds.

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  18. I'm so glad you visited my blog and left a comment. I am in the process of reading your older posts :)

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  19. Olga - thanks for stopping by. The images on your blog are fantastic.

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  20. Too funny, and that last photo of the mug is hysterical!

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  21. A great feature for today. We all have done and still do crazy things.

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  22. I loved the lady in bathroom on the telephone and the silly cup at the end. This is a great post for vintage Thursdays. Thanks for sharing with us.

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