Sunday, September 18, 2011

Emmy's Have Pre-empted My Life

Dear Helen Hartman,
 Wah-wah-wah, wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wa-a-aa-a-a-h….

Dear Talks like Charlie Brown’s teacher One,
  Sorry. Maybe you sound like that because… I wasn’t listening.  What’s a person raised on TV to do when there’s a post to be written and the Emmys are on?  Was all set to do some serious problem solving - okay, some non-serious problem skewering – just gonna type away and answer… this… just as soon as…

THIS Helen wishes she was like this 1949 show biz secretary Helen and had a big, strong man... to do something so dopey her post would practically write itself!  Yes, I did take grab this photo in a hurry and I'm not going back to redo it... the Daily Show just won another Emmy and I have to hear their speeches.

 It’s not a new problem.  People have been getting too involved in television shows since… since January 1960. 

The Facts Behind Fan Clubs? ALL the facts? Please, don't let the children read this. Oh, and that photo of Gandpa McCoy kissing his son's wife is creepy, that's a fact that doesn't need a fan club to support it.
Oh, okay it went on before that but that’s the only TV Guide I have. 

An actual letter from that 1960 TV Guide - shouldn't that be super canine mind reader? Or is she reading the minds of super humans? I didn't even know Lassie KNEW Superman.

Some One in Jersey thinks LASSIE is FAKED?? Quick unleash our team of humans who usually stand about looking stupid to go out and throw her down a well!
Hey it was a simpler time. A time when Father Knew Best.

The Robert Young family speaks: "My husband truly does know best."   "That's right, Daddy does."   "Yes, I do."   "Yep." "Uh-huh" "Riiiight, then why doesn't he see that this huge bow is making it impossible for me to lift my head?"
A simpler time when people did not overthink the snacks that sat on their TV trays(another winner from Peg Bracken’s I hate to Cook Book)

 Sherry Chocolate Pudding
I package choclate pudding mix
1 1/2 cups rich milk
1/4 cup sherry

Mix together, serve in sherbert glasses.
(Helen adds - or just eat it right out of the pan, really at this point, if you are adding booze to your pudding, the illusion of it as a 'fancy' desert is over)

And when you’d had too much of that and finally got up and switched off the TV, you could still turn to TV GUIDE to help you deal with life’s little problem. And the big fat ones too.

I am most interested in the Jolt Off Pounds Diet. It sounds exciting. Still, the Banana Diet's promise of being from a world famous medical hospital (as opposed to an unknown veterinary clinic diet?) does make me feel all confident and trusty inside. 
If this award show goes on much longer and I don't put down the snacks – I may need it!


  1. Dang, I forgot the Emmys were on. Oh well guess it's too late now.

  2. Hello Helen:
    Not having had a television for well over 30 years now, we are, in our view, happily spared all of this!! But we hope that you have enjoyed it all.

  3. I don't think they were on here, we've only got terrestrial TV, but I've seen all the fashion shots of the stars I've never heard of pop up in my reader.
    Henry Fonda does look worryingly pervy in that picture. x

  4. Thanks y'all. Not usually an award show person myself but love Jane Lynch and wanted to see if there were any surprises (meaning if the few shows I watch got the attention they are due, of course). They mostly didn't and the show was kinda - eh.

  5. 'rushed by return mail in plain wrapper at special prices', they're keen to help, aren't they?! LOL!

  6. You're hilarious even when you're distracted!

  7. So this Sherry Pudding, is it being served at the next CCW meeting? Just wondering...

  8. Kitty - yes, I'd whizzed over that part. But then wouldn't you rather people speculate you'd ordered porn in a plain brown wrapper than something stamped boldly with FAT GIRLS DIET?

  9. Thanks Mom Walds!

    Karen - that's a slippery slope. First sherry pudding then bourbon cake then rot gut in the burgoo!

  10. Lassie fake !?!?!?! noooooooooooooooooooooo!!! Its like ive just found out about father christmas being my dad!! ;o) Scarlett x

  11. I like to watch those shows for the "bad" dresses. I'm disappointed when everyone looks fab lol

  12. Yep...weren't things so simple and at times droll those days...!!


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