Betsy from Not on the Road writes
Dear Helen Hartman,
The guy in the apt. below me who is in his 60s plays loud rock music at all hours. I and other neighbors have complained to the rental office.
Love some ideas about what we can do to get Roy to turn down the tunes
Dear Loved One,
Helen knows you. You could give ol’ Roy a run for his money with a couple of practice sessions with friends on the concertina playing old sea shanties.
|Benny was bummed to the max when the accordion didn't turn out to be the chick magnet his mom had promised it would be.|
I’d be happy to bring the vintage noisemakers:
Of course, the neighbors might write Helen about You.
They say good fences make good neighbors. This is the kind Helen has around her home.
|Hubby got so tired of hanging around flea markets he started his own collection - metal signs. Should I be worried that this is his favorite?|
Dangerous? How can anything so entertaining…
|As soon as I hear that "POP" I run to the window and watch intruders, um, visitors jerk and wiggle. Some of them actually smolder as they walk away! Good times. Good times.|
…be dangerous? Oh, all right, if you insist on being reasonable about it. Helen went looking for a more subtle way to give Roy the brush off… brush off… Yeah, that’s it. That’s the ticket.
|"Look, kids, Mr. I Bring Home the Bacon So I Don't Have to Interact with My Family is here to try to buy our love with cheap gifts again!" "He'd better do better than last time or all he'll buy is a kick in the shin."|
Who knows more about that kind of thing than the friendly neighborhood Fuller Brush Man? He must have gotten told to knock it off in a million different ways. Get it, door to door salesman, knock it off? Sigh. You see there used to be people who walked thought the neighborhood
|"Hell-oo, ma'am, I'm going door to door seeing to housewives needs." "Why doesn't that salesman have a sample case or vacuum cleaner or something, Mommie?" "Never mind that, Tommy, just go out an play while Mommie lets the man show her his goods."|
(yes, WALKED – weird, huh?) going to each door trying to sell stuff to housewives.
|Helpful hint - When somebody says "Yeah, if you love your house so much,why don't you MARRY it?" that's a joke. How can I be married to a house when I'm THIS in love with my laundry?|
So let’s check out this Fuller Brush catalog for Christmas 1960 (Christmas stuff will show up later, I’m sure) I’m sure they have whatever you need to handle a dust up.
|Okay, the bad pun worked for Helen because, well, everything works for Helen but really, you'd think a brush selling magazine wouldn't stoop so low. Also, is that a DUSTer?|
Let’s see, you can always go subtle – tell the old guy to kiss off, if that’s your game, Fuller has just what you need:
|Glamorize Around the Clock! Everything you need from lipstick (in colors ranging from Red to Red!) to powder from Fuller, ironically with no make up brushes.|
If you want to tell him to go whistle up a tree:
|A whistling toothbrush! And Dental cream - why wouldn't you buy the things you rely on to care for your gums and choppers from a guy lurking around the neighborhood?|
Or raise a stink:
|I'd have bought it for the little pipe cleaner angel alone but what woman could resist a cologne called "Blue Hedge"?|
Or maybe you should just go old school on the creep.
|When Stan M said he still loved 'the old bat' people had assumed he meant his wife, how wrong they were. "Hey, you want I should introduce ol' Roy to my friend Lou.. Lou-a-vull Slugger?"|
No, I was thinking more of mopping the floor with him.
|Mop Technology has advanced very little in 50 years. I blame the lack of good mop science being taught in schools.|
In the end you have to get along with the people you live with
In the end it's probably best to keep reporting him to the apartment complex so they can build a case against this guy – when it comes time to renew his lease maybe he’ll be singing – or playing – (quieter) another tune!