This past week I needed a few things for myself and my lovely home, both of which, I assure you, are the envy of my whole neighborhood. Of course I would never settle for anything less than the very best but I am not sure how to be confident that I am getting that.
Love to know how on Earth I can always get what I deserve in life.
Dear Loved One,
Well, first you ask Helen. I assure you, she is more than happy to tell people what they deserve!
|You better believe I went all Three Stooges on his ass. Just like this, right in the eyes. That boy scout will think twice before he calls me 'Ma'am' again.|
As to how on Earth you can get the best of the best? Why would you, with such a lofty status, limit yourself? Why not set your sights higher – to the very stars!
How could I not? My astrologer told me there was a bad moon rising in my house and sure enough, when I got home there was my husband with the curtains thrown open and his pants down serving up a pressed ham to the neighborhood.
No, not the horoscope. We’ve always counted on the real stars to guide us…
|Dale Robertson, the president of Untied Airlines AND a pretty stewardess want me to smoke? Where's my lighter? BTW how does one sound off for mildness? Mildly, I assume. Well, you lost me there. Mild with no unpleasant after-taste? What's the point?|
It started with product endorsements.
|Oh, Eve Arden, was there anything you wouldn't put your name on? Of course, it is FUN to wake up to a radio clock, but not as much fun as waking up to a Chippendale Dancer with a martin on a silver tray.|
And maybe a little recipe here and there
And in time even moved on political involvement and to lifestyle advice.
|If only I'd listened to those celebrities and gotten a real stripper pole instead of this sad home made one! Maybe then the menfolks would pay attention to ME.|
People couldn’t help it. It was like some crazy power came over them.
|I'm so grateful to have Kukla, Fran and Ollie telling me what to do so I don't have to rely on my family, my friends and my own taste and conscience anymore (what a bunch of nobodies!)|
They just had to do as they were told.
|If Joan Crawford had endorsed wash powder? "You heard the advertisement, wash the sink 97 more times."|
But these days celebs are no longer content to simply advise us. Now they actually design, create and oversee quality control and distribution of the things we poor mortals need to brighten our otherwise dull lives.According to the stories told on talk shows they are designers of everything from perfume to pet food.
|I dress like my canary to help me understand what it wants then I experiment with recipes... none of which come from Gene Tierney, she always leaves out the secret ingredients so it never tastes the same. Tuna stuffed tomato my foot.|
Former models are now identifying themselves as Chief Window Designers.
|Found on the World's Longest Yard Sale. Probably not a celeb created window design. Window Designer? REALLY? What does that entail? Beyond framework and glass what is there to 'design' and how did a model come by this skill?|
|When they said a ghostwriter would do all the work, I told them with all the dead writers out there they'd better get me the ghost of a good one. I'm no dummy.|
And clothing designers.
But the man in my life might not feel the same way. (I think he'd look darling in this, of course!)
So with all these experts all around you, why ask Helen how to find what you deserve? Ask any celebrity pushing a product… you KNOW you can trust them to get just what you deserve!
Joining Share the Love Wednesday.