January must be the dullest month. The decorations are down. The onslaught of people trying to buy my affections with fabulous gifties won’t pick up again until Valentine’s Day. I can’t get up to any trouble because of all of those New Year’s resolutions. Not mine but the ones other people made and are still struggling to keep. Can’t they see how their selfish quest to make their lives better is making MINE harder? Be a love and give me some ways to help my friends break their resolutions so I can have fun again.
Dear Hard to Love One,
Helen has no sympathy for your petty complaints. Helen has her own
urgent issues and they take precedence over your wanting to manipulate your friends and acquaintances for your own benefit. I mean, really, WHO would do that? petty complaints
|"Don't think of it as stooping to cheat at golf, Gordon. Think of it as stooping because it's the only chance you may ever get to look up my skirt."|
Dang right, Helen WOULD. But I have a good reason -- looking at a whole weekend on my knees, hunched over in the bathroom, cursing and weeping.
No, Helen doesn't have a virus. Nor a broken heart. No, not even a hangover. What Helen will be doing in the bath is worse that all of those put together…
|Well, we all know you're not going to be in there cleaning. (Very funny. These people are no longer invited to my parties - they will NOT be missed)|
Helen will be attempting (da-dah-duuuh) DIY Home improvements!
|It's really not so bad once you let the fumes take you away! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.|
It started with a week long hunt for the perfect vintage desk... why a desk?
|This business gal always whips out the sewing machine to do a little light stitching at her desk, don't you? By the way, what 'business' is our housewife in? Is she an amateur butcher?|
Unlike her I plan to put things like this on my "new" desk should I ever find it:
|MWaaaaH! This week's thrifty find. Who can resist blonde angel in red lipstick?|
After failing at desk finding 101, I had to do something to get my housewife business in gear. So when I remembered that the guest bath needed new flooring, I grabbed a 1954 Home Magazine and embraced the promise that a new floor was better than a whole home makeover.
|Alice might live in a bamboo hut in the middle of nowhere but, damn it, her floors were to die for!|
Before you know it the place will be ready for this:
|I didn't buy it. It clashes with the floors. And any sense of decorum or decor that I have ever had. Oh people from the past, your bathrooms must have been like heaven on earth. Or at least they sounded like it.|
How hard can THAT be? We’ll find out this weekend.
Be at my house by 9 on Saturday.
BTW – Try this with your friends vis-a-vis resolution breaking, Loved One. An hour into a home improvement project I defy ANYONE not to have reverted back to at least ONE vice.
Joining Pink Saturday, as usual - go take a look!