Friday, January 27, 2012

Hot Dog! It's the Weekend.

Dear Helen Hartman,
Memories of the recent holidays are fading but something about them is NOT. No, not the pounds I gained - The guilt! Again, not over the amount of food I ate. Honest. I am totally okay with that and will be back in my swimsuit by May… July, at the latest. I know its good manners to reciprocate when you are invited to dinner but how can I afford to serve so many guests without cutting into my flea market shopping budget? Love a solution for returning the favor of so much food and still be able lose that weight by August… or maybe September.

Dear Loved and Now Wants to Lose One,
As Helen always says ‘pay back is a b…i…ig responsibility’. One that genteel, high minded ladies never ignore.  

The invitation said Business Casual. I guess they didn't take into account the kinds of business Gorgeous Delores was in.
So why are you asking HELEN about it?

Really, if someone spends time and money and effort on lavish, delightful and delicious fare for you expecting to be rewarded in kind Helen has only one question. 

"That's a massive guest list, sweetie," he said.    Guests? she puzzled silently. This was her enemies list!

Do these people KNOW You?
 
Face it, when it comes to all that pomp, prep and propriety a lot of us can be real wienies.  Wait. Wienies! Yes, wienies. Problem solved.

No, not hijacking the Wienermobile driving off and starting a new life where nobody knows you. But let’s save that idea in case Helen’s real suggestion goes awry. 

Was it sad that when the this showed up at a local grocery story the only people lined up for whistles weren't babies but Bay Boomers?
Helen is talking wienie themed dinner parties! 


 Yes, much like all your parties only this time the wienies will be on the plates, not on your guest list and getting my last nerve.

Shirley couldn't believe how wild the party had gotten, Lester on the ukelele and Judy in just her bobby socks!
 
Who doesn’t love a wienie? 

Be careful Stan. Waving your weinie around the ladies was how you got the restraining order last year.

They’re cheap. They’re fun.  They’re… cheap (not unlike the humor they inspire in Helen). And so many ways to serve them.  You doubt that claim? Okay, you asked for it.

Helen's haul this week - everywhere I went  40s, 50s, 60s and 70s magazines. And a cookbook with recipes from famous restaurants in all 50 states. I will be entertained for days!

Warning: these are actual photos and recipes from cookbooks and magazine articles. If you are weak of stomach or have any sense of taste or style look away NOW.

Weinie Chowder. It's so simple - a box of scalloped potato mix, a bag of frozen veggies and hot dogs. Fancy tureen with  unfortunately droopy suggestive ladle optional. 

Franks wrapped in cabbage served on Spanish Rice
Cut, curled and served on 'salad', used in the loosest sense.
No, it's not a bad trip from tainted acid. It's Frankfurter succotash.
You want more recipes? I am photographing these because I do not think you would believe me otherwise:

Dixie Dogs: Split frankfurter, fill with peanut butter, wrap with bacon, grill and slide into bun. Helen's addition: do not try this at home.

Glazed Frankfurters - basically brown them in margarine, shake them in a mix of soy sauce and honey, serve with pickles. Most recipes suggested hot dogs benefited from being cooked in margarine. I guess if you're in a hurry you could eat them cold and use margarine as a dip.
 If these doesn’t quash your appetite, then maybe you should kiss that swimsuit bye bye.
Get over here right now, Maude,and bring your good scissors. I never should have tried on that macrame string bikini without backup - you have to cut me out before it leaves marks I have to explain to my hot boyfriend ,Sven!

And if you use ANY of these recipes for your pay back parties, your friends will still be obligated to keep you on their invite lists but you may find that when you invite them in return, they will all suddenly remember they have more fun things to do.

 
Dinner Party? At your house? I have to have my gums scraped that day. I don't care what day it is, I will find an all night dentist if I have to.
And you'll have enough $$$ left over to buy more weinie themed stuff like this!

Young man's nightstand organizer - woof!

Once again Helen saves the day. Please, don't feel obligated to invite me to your parties to thank me. Cash will do. 

Joining  Free for All Friday late but why not?

38 comments:

  1. Hilarious! I'm still trying to figure out one of the pictures. Is that weinies wrapped in cabbage on a bed of Spanish rice? LOL

    Speaking of weinies...have you seen the Astro Weinie Christmas Tree at Amber's I Heart Everything blog? About the only thing funnier than weinies sitting still are weinies revolving on a Christmas tree stand.

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    1. I MUST see the wienie tree! I guess that's rice. You know the caption was just about wrapping them in cabbage leaves.

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  2. You are just incredibly talented! Always enjoy your posts. HOT DOG - it IS the weekend! Enjoy!

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    1. Thanks Nicole. It's kind of you to call me talented when actually I am just being snarky, which you NEVER see on America's Got Talent unless it's from a judge. Happy weekend back at ya.

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  3. Oh no, Helen, you don't get off that easy. You WILL come to my party -- I'll be serving those fabulous Dixie Dogs filled with peanut butter (mine will have crunchy Jif) and wrapped with bacon. Delish!!
    ; )

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    1. Oh, I'll be there. Be prepared to find bits of Dixie Dog in the potted plants, between sofa cushions and in the kitchen junk drawer. Surprise!

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  4. Actually,I adore hotdogs. Sigh. I buy the all beef kind, but try not to do that too often. The pictures of the hotdog recipes actually look really good to me, but then you'll never see me in a bikini either, anytime soon. I love your blog. I found it at Pink Saturday postings.

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    1. Happy Pink Saturday Loretta! I like hot dogs, too, an corn dogs but am a purist - the need to be served as nature intended, boiled or broiled, on a bun or on a stick.

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  5. Where do you find those recipes??? Fabulously WRONG. Love it!

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    1. Do you think people actually MADE this stuff? No wonder we became a nation of picky eaters. Self preservation.

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  6. What Wienies are for wienies? Gotta make a note of that.

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    1. And more to the point, what kinds of kids eat Armor Hot Dogs? Kids who's moms have these recipes, that's what kind!

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  7. A wienie im thinking what on earth on is a wienie? thank god for your photo Sausages we call them here :-)) Wow you are going to have fun reading all those magazines. Have a fun weekend, dee x

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    1. Oh my, divided by a common language! When my kids were young they picked up all sorts of swear words from BBC and I let them go around saying them never knowing what they were on about.

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  8. *One big EWWW to weenie chowder* lol
    I seen the weenie mobile once when I was younger. I WAS TOTALLY AMAZED and thrilled by the fact.
    If I was to pick one the weenies wrapped in green stuff served on a bed of rice doesn't look to bad. =D

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    1. The Wienermobile is breathtaking. That has to be one of the best jobs around. I think I'll skip on all the recipes!

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  9. I laughed so hard, my hubby came to find out what I was doing! Just hilarious! But I'm from the South and have probably seen this dishes at get togethers....not parties...get togethers! heehee! Thanks for the fun today, girlfriend! ♥

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  10. Yes, it's true. In the South pot luck does often mean we are lucky if what we get doesn't look like it's gone to pot!

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  11. Weenie Chowder??? Eeesh, now that's one big ole waste of pig! I am however very fond of Pigs in the Blanket:@)

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    1. Mmmmmm. I LOVE pigs in a blanket. Now I'm hungry.

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  12. You are one crazy woman and I love it. I am from the south, 70 plus years and thankfully I have never encountered any of these dishes, thank goodness.. If I had I would run screaming in the opposite direction.

    Thanks for the laugh, I always enjoy my visits here.

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    1. Yeah, I think this is pretty much mid mod feeding kids food. I sure ate a lot of wienies and sauerkraut as a kid. But I bet you've seen some, um, interesting stuff at pot luck parties.

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  13. We actually saw the wiener mobile while vacationing in Williamsburg, VA years ago. It was a chance sighting and of course, the highlight of our trip. I mean, Patrick Henry's got nothing on Oscar Mayer.

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    1. LOL, Karen. I can totally see the Oscar Mayer mobile rolling down the streets of Williamsburg - Hear Ye, Hear Ye! I wish I was an Oscar Mayer Wiener!

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  14. HAD to share this with Hubby! How do you come up with this stuff? My mother is sooooo cool, because she chase the wienermobile down for my kids. My kids got to go on a car chase after the wienermobile!!!!

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  15. You are hands down the funniest blog I read. I don't know how you think of these things, but I am forever in fits of gaffaws when I'm on your blog.

    Frankfurter chowder - how many times do you think this was served "just once"? I can't imagine anyone wanting it twice. And seriously, just put it in a bun and stop trying to fancify it, k?

    The Bette picture caption made me snort. You are so clever!!

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  16. Thanks. I bet that chowder got fed to a lot of dogs. They didn't like it either.

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  17. Hello Helen:
    Why do all these Frankfurter sausages look this very strange orange colour? We did try adjusting the colour on our computer screen but realised that this is exactly how they are. Does the orange additive add that extra something to the flavour, a little extra kick, perhaps? Whatever, as always, you have the most brilliant culinary suggestions add them to a 1950s themed party and, well, we think that it is an explosive combination. As long as one stays alive to tell the tale!!

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    1. I think that's the trickery of photography - for some reason food images in the 5os and 60s seems garish. I think they thought color relayed the idea of flavor? Or maybe it's all that browning in margarine. Explosive indeed - perhaps I should set out a dish of tummy meds instead of after dinner mints.

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  18. Oh, what a fun Blog you have over here. Such a fun trip down memory lane. Keep up the good work! : )
    M.L.

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  19. Thank you for dropping by. I love the Valentine decorations on your blog. I'm afraid if these photos took you down memory lane you might be a bit traumatized at the thought!

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    1. Oh my, Spectacular doesn't begin to describe it! Thanks for sharing...I think!

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  21. I remember that weinermobile! Kinda scary! Thank you for the visit and kind words and always bringing laughter to us.
    xo
    holly

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    1. I thought I responded...has Blogger not gotten all the bugs out of the new reply system or is it me with the bugs? Thanks for stopping by Holly!

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  22. Dear HH,
    I tell you, you never fail to make me laugh! thank you!!

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  23. Thanks Kimberly - your Pink Saturday post is truly inspiring.

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