Monday, January 2, 2012

Pickin' on Men? Not really.

Dear Helen Hartman,
How do I decide between two men? Both have equal attributes I've done the pro/con list. Love to hear what, in your opinion, is the one main reason to pick a man?

Dear Could Love Two… er… Loved One,
How do you choose between two men? Helen is inclined to suggest you close your eyes and throw a dart… the one who doesn’t whine about being made a target is the keeper!

Love that gal! She got me right in the cheek. No not THIS one. Let's just say I won't be sitting pretty for some time.

 What? A lot of women do things like that. Men have a whole ‘nother way of deciding matters romantical. Many say they use their…
Helen reserves the right not to say a thing - ladies do not carry tails... um tales... after all.
...manly skills of hunting and conquering.
So how to decide? Some flip coins. Some turn to the stars.

You're right, Audrey. Since I've been following the advice of Rin Tin Tin I always get my man, even if I have to track him all the way to his hideout and sink my teeth into his ankle.
Get this, some even write asking advice of unknown know-it-alls who...

Dear Helen Hartman, (vintage metal box)
Oh, right. 
Okay, then. Give Helen a moment to gaze deep into the well of wisdom…

Oh, sweet sweet thermos-o-gin, tell me how should... what? Take a drink and say what? I'd have to take more than one drink to say THAT.
So you’ve done the pro/con (fyi if either is a pro or a con, red flag right there) list. 

"I thought you hired me to play The Cougar and the Cabana Boy."                                                                                                                    "I did. I'm going to the beach on the prowl. You stay here and clean my pool."
How about magazine quizzes? Did you take one of those? Like this for example:

If you say yes to most of these then your man is a mess. And like most issues between couples - it's all YOUR fault. Have you tried decaffeinating these guys? It might be pretty revealing.

Tad thought he was athletic, ambitious and interesting. Turns out he was just drinking too much coffee.

Helen has her own rule of thumb for men and romance.
Men should be kept under your thumb?

Well, I suppose you can keep a man under your thumb, if you're not woman enough to keep him in line with a LOOK.
Helen says: never commit to a man until you’ve seen him through the 4 seasons. Not winter, spring, summer and fall – Tax season, football season, vacation season and flu season!

Nurse him through the flu? Shirley lasted 6 hours before she just taped the word Loser on his forehead and sent him home to his mommy.

Once again you must do as Helen says, not as she does as she met her man on Jan 5 and married him in April of the same year. But then, I’m ME.
I know you, Loved One, and while I certainly think it might well take 2 fellas to keep up with you...

Maybe Judi took the term double date a bit too literally.

You want to know which guy will stick around and care about you through whatever life throws your way? Take it from someone who has cared about you since we were 'borrowing' Tommy the pick up truck out of your folk's garage, skipping class and doing cartwheels on the courthouse lawn (what you thought Helen just started being this way?). 
Pick the one that isn't just a guy who can be your dreamboat... pick the one that's a guy who can be your friend.

But keep the darts handy.

Linking To: Tuesday Treasures My Uncommon Slice of Suburbia
Wow us Wednesday at Savvy Southern Style and Rednesday
And Time Travel Thursday at the Brambleberry Cottage.

(If you have a question for Helen send it to or drop it in the comments section - I will try my best to answer and if you are a fellow blogger, I'll add the link to your blog in the post)


  1. Amen, Sister.

    Now, where ARE these men?

  2. Oh, I knew we were kindred spirits. I got married 6 weeks after a blind date. Of course, yours lasted and mine didn't. (Honestly, I still think he was a great guy, but we were kids and found that we had nothing in common seven years later.) I finally wised up and found true happiness with a wonderful man who was also the best friend I've ever had.

  3. Barbara - I think the letter writer is hogging them all!

  4. Dana - everyone who met my hubby before I did told me I'd marry him in a whirlwind. Best friends make the best mates.

  5. If I ever say I'm going to get married again my close friends know what to do - and my kids, too. I think if that happened I'd have to stop back to this post and share my amazement!
    So glad to know so many great men who have wonderful wives and awesome lives, too!!! Meanwhile I'll keep doing what I do, and spread the word on this post to my friends who are in NOT so great relationships! Thank you Helen!

  6. Now I'm curious - what are they going to do? Kidnap you? Talk sense into you? Throw you a party?

  7. Okay, will do. Will always carry darts with me!

  8. Excellent advice, Helen! The dart throwing and finding out if he can cope with man 'flu are wish words, I can put up with being a sports widow but I ain't no nurse.
    Happy New Year! xxx

  9.!!!!!! SO funny!!! Happy New Year!

  10. I love your blog! Happy new year!

  11. Thank you all. Poor fellas. I really do love them, you know.

  12. You have such a delightful sense of humor! How DO you come up with such things? ;)

    Hope to see you at Time Travel Thursday this week. And be sure to bring that sense of humor of yours!

    Happy New Year!
    Liz @ The Brambleberry Cottage

  13. I'm surprised you didn't suggest keeping a spare!

    I remember being at a new job, and exclaiming "It's our one year anniversary!" I then had to explain that we had known each other a year, not been married that long yet. Yep.

  14. Thanks for the invite Liz - I'd love to travel through time!

  15. A spare? Heck I can hardly keep up with one.

  16. Oh my, this is a fun, fun place! Love your blog and I will definitely be checking back to see the next topic! Deb

  17. I think the 4 seasons test is the best! My husband will cheer for my team, even though it's his team's bitter rival, he now has the taxes done by a professional (so much less swearing), he takes care of me when I'm sick, and he carries all of the luggage when we're on vacation. All of that, finally, after 20+ years of training!
    Happy REDnesday,

  18. bless you ;-)) Sound advice i did chuckle at the football and man flue ;-)) dee xx

  19. I had one good man and do just fine without one now. It is strange how things work out. You think you know someone, but do yo really until you marry.

  20. Hilarious!! Thanks for the laugh, I'll be checkin' in!!

  21. THanks for the laugh today! and thanks for your visit and nice comments! Love your blog!

  22. Rin Tin Tin, Cabana Boy & thermos-o-gin. I'm going with those. How could one go wrong?!

    Gosh it's nice to have such great wisdom to lead one through life ;- )

    Thank you again Dearest Helen.
    P.S. What time did you travel through???

  23. Carol - good for you. Mine remains partially unhousebroken.

    LV- Marriage is the great howdy do in life, ain't it?

  24. 'Laurel Leaf' - Thanks for stopping by - loved visiting your blog back!

    Donene - thanks!

  25. Vickie - I never seem to be in the same time as anyone, so who knows?

  26. Thanks for visiting my blog. I am so glad you did. I came to yours to see who you are and I was amazed by the prolific amount of blogging you do and follow! Wow! And all my favorite topics! I will be a follower from now on.

  27. Darts......ahh ha! We've got some keepers's pretty hard to tame The Summer Kitchen Girls! We think that we'll invest in some darts though, those would come in handy ~ not so much to pick out a guy, but to make him listen :)
    Happy New Year!!


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