Vickie from the fun and fabulous Sponge Curlers & Cupcakes poses this question:
Dear Helen Hartman,
As I write this my SCOTSMAN (not the cute kind in a kilt!) is installing a new GAS water heater in our 1950's home because he is too SCOTSMAN to have a REAL, qualified, installer do it. We CAN afford it and at the risk of losing my beloved home, let alone my life and all my cool retro/vintage stuff, Love to know what can one do with a stubborn JACKASS Scotsman? Oh, now he's saying the pilot light won't light. I'm going to the mall.
Dear Loved and Left for the Mall One,
It took a moment to realize that you see your situation hinging on dealing with a SCOTSman
|Ah, the 1950s when they listened to mono style records and used stereo types to sell anything!|
But Helen sees things differently
|Yes, Helen is always right and ahead of the curve in all things. Who do you think gave Angelia Jolie the idea to strike that pose at the Oscars?|
I was going to say ‘the right way, as always. But why rub it in?
This whole issue arises because you are dealing with a scotsMAN.
No, Helen is not into male bashing, Loved Ones, but she does want to submit as evidence for her conclusion this new addition my husband bought last week to hang with his collection of metal signs:
|Yes, Helen believes aliens crashed at Roswell and that their Captain was a man.... who, like Columbus, wouldn't ask for directions!|
You want to know how this helps with your hot water heater fixin Scotsman (non-kilt wearing kind)? Let Helen get to the bottom of this.
|Yes, it's a baby bottom, you didn't REALLY think I'd show what's under a Scotsman's kilt, did you?|
The year is 1956. The magazine: Saga. The issues of the day… I’ll never know. The covers were missing, as was a photo of a pin up girl in an advertisement (ah, men, it’s true, you never DO change). The partial magazine was in a stack of old women’s magazines and how to knitting booklets sold as a unit found this last Saturday. Just in time to help us puzzle through this men thinking they can tackle anything .
|You think the thing that 'hooks' men into this scheme is the gypsy magic angle but it's really the final words - ON APPROVAL. Finally, these guys are saying, someone giving us approval for what we were going to do anyway.|
It isn’t such a mystery when you get a glimpse at some of the things promised they could do in the back of the men’s magazine
|Bring crooks to justice in your own home. Never have another "who stole the cookies from the cookie jar' moment again.|
|TV, Bringing Crooks to justice and butchering your own meat at home... it's like the tri-fecta of manliness.|
After those a little hot water heater repair is easy as pie. Which we all know is NOT that easy, but if a man ever made one…
|Mom bought the food, cooked meal, helps the kids with school work and more. Grandma handed down the dishes and silver, pitches in with housework and child rearing, daddy serves the pot roast and HE’s the head of the household?|
Oh, men, I am just having fun with you.
|Man rinses out own coffee cup. Parade breaks out to mark the unprecedented event. In other news, wife cleans up ticker tape for a month afterward. No thank yous needed.|
I really do like men... some more than others.
|Yes, it is the ultimate aphrodisiac. Not the shirtless muscle display - hanging out the wash. What a guy! Swoon.|
It’s not like women are perfect. Heaven’s no! If they were, Helen would have to keep her advice to herself. And keeping her opinion to herself would have dire consequences.
|PLEASE spare my children from this fate. Helen at HOME. LIKING it. Be afraid. Be very afraid.|
Am assuming there were no dire consequences to your husband’s DIY attempts. Having had a repair man out recently who jiggled some wires and said he thought it was a fuse but if not, call again, then slapped down a hefty bill, your Mr. MacFixit might just have the best approach.
I think my hubby’s sign is right, Men don’t change. Or at least the haven’t in the last 50+ years.
|Except for that brief obsession with Panda Hair, men have pretty much been on a steady course. PANDA HAIR?|