Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Winter Wonderland Lost it's Wonder?

Dear Helen Hartman,

I am sick of winter! Everything here is so gray and lifeless – and NO, I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT MY HAIR. Even though the weather is not really bad, I can’t help wishing there was a way to brighten things up around here (again do not suggest hair dye, I like my hair this way). Just save me from the winter blahs and I’ll love you forever… or at least until Spring.


Dear Loved Me and Already Has Plans to Leave Me One,
I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt on the hair thing even though you do seem to be a bit touchy about it.

"Doesn't she mean 'touch-up-y'?"   "Pretty snarky talk from someone who has to keep turning her head to hide her roots from direct light!"
It is the time of year when cabin fever runs rampant –


Which is better than when Aunt Zoe runs rampant... cabin fever make way for boogie fever

Never fear, Helen knows just what to do. Go get a 1957 McCalls Craft Magazine! Ta Da. Problem solved.

Norma, here, is not a model. She just stands around her home practicing her 'spokesmodel' pose in preparation for the day the boat show comes to town and she runs into a man with a big Evinrude.

Oh, you want to know what YOU are going to do? Oh, okay, I guess I can share.

Let’s go for the obvious first.

The year was 1957 when plants came in tubes and joining the Fad of the Month Club was still FREE!

Tempted? Sure when the fad is something cool like Plant-tastic or knitting mittens for your kittens 

If you have to crochet your clochet just right, I think maybe you're too tight


But can you count on that month after month? 

Gloria was less than thrilled with the newest ‘share a sweater with Leonard’ fad.

So maybe you want to strike out on your own and try a few things. You can't do worse than this lady.


It's easy. It's glamour for pennies. Your friends will admire you. Then they will call someone to take you away... you and your lipstick and phone and piggy bank and dustpan with rhinestones glued all over them. Hey, where's the dog? You didn't, did you?
Maybe it’s a good time for a little self improvement. 

Let's see... what can I improve upon? I'm pretty much flawless but my glass IS empty...

Concoct the perfect cocktail!


I wouldn't be doing all this for me.  It's a gift I am giving the world.  The gift of me with my personality blunted by Vodka!

Maybe you can take a class online.

In hindsight maybe learning to cut hair from a hilarious YouTube video wasn’t the best idea she'd ever had.  "Oh, stop crying, it’s not even a part of your ear that you need."


Maybe it would be better if you got outside in the fresh air. Just make sure it’s for something good and healthy.

If you make that joke about warming up your pole again, Harold I am going to push you off the ski lift.


And not this:
Yes, it's the worlds most stylish motorcycle gang. Their fashion sense might be cool but their gossip was vicious.

There’s no special trick to surviving winter, just keep your mind and body active… 
                             Go get Helen a snack.


YIKES!





   

25 comments:

  1. Plant-tastic... I can't believe it's not still around today:@)

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    1. I KNOW! I want to grow plants with that fun familiar pwwwwrrraaaaap of goop being squeezed from a tube.

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  2. Oh, Helen... you, yourself, are most definitely a distraction of the winter blahs!

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    Replies
    1. You should live in my neighborhood - and see me go outside to meet the Schwanns man in my footie pajamas! (Yes I did, without thinking)

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  3. So, basically, gals have been sticking rhinestones on everything ever since rhinestones were invented, and to think I thought this was something new!

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    Replies
    1. No kidding. I thought it all began with Bedazzler! Girls just like everything extra purty.

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  4. How creative! Thanks for reading our blog. We will certainly be following yours.

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    1. Thanks, I got a kick out of your blog. I'll try not to kick too much around here.

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  5. That cocktail woman has brightened my day! I may go and have one right now, it's so grey and crappy outside! x

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    1. She is making something explosive I am sure - I actually prefer wine, less mess no recipes needed.

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  6. I need some of that plantastic!!!

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    1. LOL. I just got straight to plastic fantastic when it comes to plants.

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  7. Yikes indeed! I almost lost the girlscout cookie I just put in my mouth...that salad looks...ewwwwwww!!! I think that FAD of the month club sounds fun....much better than a craft of the month....you KNOW how good projects go around our parts!!!

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    1. LOL -that is one scary looking meal, huh? I am seriously considering starting my own Helen Hartman's Fad of The Month Club!

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  8. The joke about warming up his pole! Bwahahahahahaha! Oh Helen!

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    Replies
    1. Well, you can't be lady like ALLL the time!

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  9. I concur. While I'm thrilled at the mild winter we've had in my neck of the woods, with no snow on the ground we're left with the dull and drab colors of our slumbering Earth. Cocktails are definitely in order. :-)

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  10. Yes, cocktails definitely have a way of making thins blossom!

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    1. THING blossom. I can't believe I didn't see that. Thin Mints on the mind, I think. Wait, wait, wait, anyone have a recipe for a Thin Mint Martini?

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  11. Rumor has it that winter is coming back tomorrow night to our area. Perhaps, I need to rummage through our attire and create our own stylish motorcycle gang. Fabulous pics. Fabulous post.

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  12. I got really thrilled when I seen the ad for plantastic!! *How Amazing*
    Also... I must be really hungry cause that snack doesn't look half bad to me. *ahahahaha*

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    1. Oh my! I think there is a market for Planttastic, too.

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  13. I want the Smirnoff girl set-up. I enjoy being a bit slanted now & again. And I think you may be on to something Helen with that thin mint martini. Expermintation can be very entertaining on cold winter days.

    And not even for Dear Helen would I concoct that nasty gross whatever-it-is snack! *Gag*. But if you'd like to join me for a booze experiment, come on over :- )

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    Replies
    1. Oh, and, I think I will never go to another boat show here in the River City without the thought of Evinrude sizes. Thank you Dear Helen.

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  14. Haha so many cute illustrations!

    x

    Marielle

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