Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Spring has Spr-OING-ed!

Dear Helen Hartman,
It’s felt like Spring for a while but now that is has officially arrived, I’d love to know what you’re going to do to welcome the season.

Dear Loved One,
Do? Hmmmm. Helen is not always so big on DOing. But I will tell you what I am NOT going to do.

Dance with your bare you know what shinning bright in the full moon light?

Spring Cleaning! 

I agree with Peg Bracken and whoever owned this TV themed apron. There are better things to do than heavy cleaning. Yes, I did evade that other question. You are so very clever to notice that. I don’t like people being that clever. I’ll have my eye on you.

First, I can assure you that nothing dirty has been going on in Helen’s house!

Because you do that outside your house? 
Hey! That’s how rumors get started! If anyone is going to start rumors about Helen it will BE Helen. Did you hear the one about the divine advice diva who came over to a reader’s house and administered a ‘beauty treatment’ to that reader’s flabby jaw flapping muscles?

Yes, with the Vibro Massager and the Compresso Belt you can be forever lovely-o.

I do love the idea of clearing out the old, letting go of what no longer serves you and making room for the new. I love the promise fresh starts.

For the man who's wife doesn't have a maid: A divorce in favor of a new man who doesn't care how the house looks? 


And spring planting. It’s a wonderful concept but don’t count on Helen for much in the garden growing department. 

I say if the weeds are pretty why not leave them be, right? I did buy a vintage planter or is it an ice bucket?

Every year I want to garden but then at some point it dawns on me that it’s not something that can be done from a hammock while drinking a margarita and looking fabulous.

"Hurry up and take the photo, Marv, these waves are splashing on my new espadrilles."  If she didn't look so smashing in her bikini, Delores would never leave the comfort of the beach bar.


Yet, how can you not embrace the idea of planting something that might grow into something beautiful?
Or that might be made into something that makes me feel beautiful

I remember loving these as an aspiring hippie kid.
You were thinking I meant something that would ferment, weren’t you?

I think I’ve found my Spring ritual. To rid myself of the things that I no longer need.

A mail order flame thrower should do the trick! Completely safe! But I can't help thinking a person who buys one to 'sterilize the ground' might be taking the whole Spring cleaning thing a bit too far.

And to plant the seeds of new dreams and goals.



Whether or not that includes dancing exposed in the Equinox moonlight, is for me to know and you never to find out!

Happy Spring, Y'all!

36 comments:

  1. Hello Helen:
    Like you, dearest Helen, we shall not be spending the glorious days of spring scrubbing floors, scouring ovens, stripping paint or sprucing up the kitchen cupboards....Life is simply too short.

    No, we shall be far too busy trying out our compresso belts and vibro massagers [are you sure that these are just for firming chins?!!]in order to get our 'beach bodies' in shape for summer......!!

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    1. LOL - I would never tell someone how to enjoy their vibro massager. Though I do have a tip for getting ready for the beach - buy a caftan!

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  2. Bravo, Helen...I, too have neither started Spring Cleaning, nor have the desire to do so. Too much life to be lived right now. And, I SOOOOO loved those little Rare Earth rollerball scents. Happy Fabulous Tuesday!

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    Replies
    1. I hadn't thought of those scents in forever but seeing them brought a rush back of feeling so grown up because my mom thought those were appropriate for me to have!

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  3. If I actually did some spring cleaning, I would want to use that fabulous TV-themed apron. LOVE. IT.

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    1. It's the 64,000 dollar question in the pattern! I am totally loving whatever housewife decided THAT was the best fabric for an apon.

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  4. I won't be Spring cleaning, I'll be jumping on a plane and leaving the place a tip as always!
    Love the chin reducer. x

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    1. Good for you - so much nicer way to celebrate the changing seasons, with changing scenery!

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  5. Happy spring, Helen! Enjoyed your post and now must get back to work. Thanks to you, this afternoon's "ear worm" is vibro massager. Twisted, yes;)

    ~Cindy

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    1. I'm sure you'll be looking for ways to work that into the conversation! Enjoy your day.

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  6. hahaha - so much i have belly laughed at in this post - the greatest by far is the chinm vibrator ;o) bahaha!

    Thanks also for nyour lovely comment on my last post - i did laugh at "how great we are" - you do know that forever more when i hear elvis sing that hymn im going to be thinking and singing this! Scarlett x

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    1. Thanks for stopping by - with the response it's getting it makes me wonder if someone should be selling the vibro massager on etsy!

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  7. "Spring" cleaning, as if what I do all the time is sitting around eating bon bons and not cleaning at all. Seriously, can I get away with cleaning only once a year?

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    1. I DO sit around eating bon bons all the time and I still don't need to do a major cleaning overhaul. Just the usual sweeping things under the rug!

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  8. Im the same out with the old and in with the older in my case ;-)) Hopes and dreams and focusing on new ideas sounds wonderful to me. dee x

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    1. Here's to giving new dreams and plans roots!

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  9. I remember Coty Sweet Earth..didn't you love Seventeen magazine when it was BIG? I ordered my favorite one off of eBay...it was a December issue - I could remember so many of those ads and even the articles. Yes, I admit - I am a magazine horder...I am guessing that the modern day neck bouncer thingy must've been inspired by the one you show...and, FYI - IT DOESN"T WORK! Yes, I know...laugh it me...it's okay...my husband likes to bounce his chin up and down every once in a while and tease me. Sigh...
    Happy Spring Helen Hartman

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    1. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious about that neck firmer thing! They say you either wrinkle or sag. I sag, and it's all sagged under my chin! I was more of a Mademoiselle reader myself. I actually remember the first one I ever bought - a back to school issue - and yes, it was as thick as a catalog!

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  10. Gosh I have MORE than spring cleaning to get done. But I find it's alot easier to clean my computer folders!! And that is what I am working on right now... not =p

    HAPPY SPRING

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    1. I imagine you have gone out to get yourself a sassy new outfit to do all that work. Cute shoes, maybe a cape, gloves and jewels?

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  11. I don't clean because things only get dirty again, but I NEED the flame thrower!:@)

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    1. Who DOESN'T need a portable flame thrower? I can think of a dozen uses already. Door to door wienie roast anyone?

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  12. Hehehehe...Cleaning is for people that don't have other, more interesting things to do...like reading your blog...

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  13. Spring cleaning is not what turns me on either. I still like the idea that the "planter" is really an ice bucket. It lets me create fantastic stories in my head about how much fun that particular party must have been.

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    1. It's gold toned brushed aluminum with a kind of enamelish aqua coating. I would HATE to put dirt in it.

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  14. I am laughing sooooo hard!!! AND!!! I want a flame thrower/weed killer... but not to use on my weeds 'cause those are my GRASS!!!

    ;) robelyn

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    1. I know - why do they not sell those in the back of magazines these days?

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  15. Well, I have to say I'm greatly guilt-relieved after reading all the comments about spring cleaning! I've found a worldwide network of kindred spirits! Gotta say the vibro massager looks a LOT easier than the spring-loaded device I saw on TV & bought at Walgreen's a couple of years ago which only succeeded to put the back of my neck out of whack for a week (and gave GREAT comic relief to Big Daddy and my grandson who saw it in the family room & said, "Ew grama, WHAT'S THAT?!...what was HE thinking it was???). Gotta have the flame thrower though! I'm looking out the window at a whole backyard of purposeful uses. A chain saw would be a great companion to go with it.
    ~Vickie~

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    1. Or a flaming chain saw! LOLing on that chin firmer - guess it's got lots of us curious. Spring cleaning seems to be a thing of the past. Are we smarter or lazier?

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  16. The dust is pretty thick at home....thank heavens open house is at the store....not at home ~ lol!! We figure that with all of that nature blooming right now, everyone is too busy looking at that to notice a dirty house....right?!!

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    1. I'll go with that. If anyone stops by I'll keep pointing out the windows to distract them from the dust!

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  17. Happy spring to you too! I read something that said that spring cleaning should wait till fall, because with windows open more and whatnot, you just have more dust floating in and it counteracts your efforts. I'm all for that line of thinking. And then if I happen to forget fall cleaning, well, then, so be it.

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  18. Hey, I want a closer look at the print on that apron!

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