Dear Helen Hartman,
Help! I think I am coming down with a case of Lotto Fever. I know the odds are against winning but the $$$ is Huge (and the $$$ in my bank account is pretty small). Would love any advice on playing the lottery you can spare!
Dear Loved One,
Lotto Fever? Helen seems to be immune. Boogie fever?
|"Ya, go on with your bad self, Claus. Get down and boogie-oogie-oggie."|
I don’t want to talk about it.
It’s pretty clear you are going to buy a ticket. Helen wouldn’t want the responsibility of lending advice on the number choosing process but I have no problem at all telling you how to spend those winnings!
|"Quit my job?" Joan would do it in a minute if she won big but she did wonder how she would ever replace the electrifying thrill of typing inane letters for her boss.|
First as soon as anyone knows you’ve won, relatives will be coming out of the woodwork,
|What? You don't remember your dear Aunt Arnold?|
So I am going to assume that once you’ve won you’re going to have to go into hiding, at least until things cool off. That means you can’t go OUT and shop for stuff so you’ll have to stick to things you can buy from the back of magazines. Since you'll be stuck there you’ll want to jazz up the place.
|Norma's decorating was the stuff of nightmares but it practically insured her kids would never move back home after they |
Please, don’t give me that “just what’s wrong with my place, I decorated it myself and think it’s stunning" look. Unless you mean stunning like what happens to someone when they are jabbed with a cattle prod.
|You suggest using a cattle prod like it's a BAD thing. How do you think I get my hair to stand up this high?|
Here an idea from the back of magazines you might consider to decorate your home:
|The best thing to happen to the patio since the INVENTION of the rose? Mind sufficiently boggled but the Electrified Flamingo does sound like a dance I used to do.|
Once that’s done you may want to spend some of that spare time doing a little self-improvement. No, I’m not implying anything by that suggestion. We could ALL use do a little work on ourselves.
|That's right. If you are tired of using pills to reduce try THIS! Go on, spring for the Deluxe model.|
|How could you NOT subscribe to PACK-O-FUN? What are you a Pack-O-PartyPooper?|
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t splurge a little
|It's better than a diamond - buy one for every finger!|
Finally you’ll be ready to test the waters and try going out. To avoid the mobs you may want to invest in a few things to create a disguise.
|Real Human hair for $12! Um, just what hair color is Off Black? That is sure to be an... interesting hair do.|
Finally, after you consider all the problems that come with instant riches you might want to reconsider buying that ticket. Though Helen can definitely see the appeal. What thrifter hasn’t brought home a find and wondered if it might be worth 10 or a thousand times more than we paid for it?
|A Mid Mod table I got for a song and have seen online for a pretty price. Not that I'd sell it!|
A lottery ticket isn’t just a chance to win, it’s an invitation to dream. For those hours between the time you pick your numbers and the winning numbers are drawn you get to go to a place that few of us ever visit as grown ups. The land of ‘what if’.
Helen thinks it might be worth that dollar investment for that alone.
And who knows, stranger things have happened. Doctors now say that people who have a couple of drinks a week live longer than those who abstain.
|Pink Salt! Perfect for a girly margarita and Pink Saturday!|
And a recent study proves that those who have chocolate now and then, weigh less than those who deny themselves.
|My gift to you for the weekend! Perfect for weight loss - especially when you read the recipe.|
So who’s to say that someone who plays the lottery now and then won’t reap some benefits? And somebody will win – eventually. If it’s not ME then I hope it’s YOU. (especially because I know what kind of crazy disguise you’ll be going out in after your big windfall!)
So... you going to buy a ticket?