Monday, April 16, 2012

B S U R S U C S I M I M

Dear Helen Hartman,
In planning for our vacation next month I made an appointment for a spray tan, new nails and a hair weave. My husband joked that we are going out to the beach, not into the witness protection program. After I threw my new butt-lifting tummy-tamer swimsuit at him, I did begin to feel guilty because he may have a point. Love to know why we feel the need to be something we’re not when we’re heading off to be around people we don’t know and who we’ll never see again. Shouldn’t vacations be a time when you feel MOST  like yourself?

Dear Loves Herself But Needs to Get Away from Herself One,
If you ask Helen…

And even though you should know better, you DID

…being one’s own self is overrated.

Especially if one gets the chance to slip off the familiar trappings from time to time and be, well, anything you want to be! Why would you not do that?

Apparently it's called 'impersonating an officer' and the local police frown on it.
 
Some people might argue that it’s not wise to go faking your way through life.

Wise Old Owl? No, a big ugly fake that I had to own, so you may want to take that into account before acting on any advice I give you.

I’d tell those people that it’s not wise to argue with Helen and that a little fakery is what makes life interesting. A rose by any other name might smell as sweet but to some calling pulpified pork shoulder and psices SPAM has the stink of deception all over it… among other things.

Notice she doesn't want that 'dinner' anywhere near her. Wow, the cloves stuck in it almost had me fooled into thinking it was a tiny, mushy ham!

But to others, it smells of sweet, sweet success.

Mutton dressed as Lamb (you’ve never read the label on SPAM, have you?) you say? Helen asks what’s wrong with that? Speaking as a pretty run of the mill Mutt, dressing up sometimes is fun!

An attempt at making a modern dress look vintage - more on that when I figure out how to use the timer on my new camera.
 
Whether it’s you in your home…

The Challenge in this article to guess what was 'real' and what was 'the new plastics'.  Hint: it was 1969. EVERYTHING was plastic.

Your surroundings…

1969, People. Even the grass is fake. And the ceiling? Would you think I was a big phony if I said I liked it?

Or even your preferred mode of holiday transportation.

I LOVED CONTACT paper.  Fake? Who cares, it was FABULOUS.
 
I can speak to this issue personally. I won an award this past weekend but life stepped in to make it impossible for me to go to Chicago and accept it. Pretty bummed so Saturday while visiting the monthly Flea off Market when Hubby bought me this and presented it to me because he thought I really deserved some recognition, I was actually touched (no nobody at the flea market touched me, though that might have been exciting too)

It's Plastic, sparkly and from someone special. Sometimes the fake is better than the real deal.
 
In fact, often it’s the unexpected things along the way that leave you with the best memories. So why not do the unexpected? It’s your vacay, be your real self, or your best self or a total stranger to your self. 


 Do it the way that makes you happy. In fact, in life in general - Be whoever you want to be! But don’t try to be Helen – because I will find you and, well, you’ve seen what I can do with SPAM.

Joinging Metamorphosis Monday
and for the first time ever Pinkapotamus

41 comments:

  1. Hello Helen:
    Try to be you.....an impossibility...you are unfakeable, uncopyable and unique.And, we love you for it!!!

    However, we have spent years trying to ensure that those less than glamorous bits of ourselves and our surroundings are 'tarted up' so to speak. After all it is surely those little frills, touch-ups and cover-ups that make Life that bit more beautiful and bearable. But, we never did like Spam!!!

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    1. Me either on the SPAM. Can't imagine you have to tart up much as your personalities shine through no matter what and are naturally attractive.

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  2. Now let's not be makin' fun of the SPAM there girlfriend! Hormel put everything but the squeal in that can of dinner on the double! I like mine with scalloped potatoes!

    Tammy

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    1. LOL - I'd forgotten that saying everything but the squeal.

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  3. HUUUUUGE Congrats on your award! And congrats on having such a sweet hubby. I LOVE your trophy. What a true reward/award - priceless.
    ~Vickie~

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  4. Congrats on your award! Love the stand-in trophy. Your self portrait is pretty fabulous too. I especially love the hat and gloves with the dress.

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    1. Thanks! I needed gloves that went all the way up to my shoulders, to hide those chubby arms.

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  5. Love the "cool" pup in his sunglasses! Congrats on the award and the trophy!!! Kudos to your thoughtful hubby!!!

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    Replies
    1. He's not really a cool one at all, but he did get that over the top of the glasses look down right, huh?

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  6. I will eat SPAM once in a blue moon... but not before I remove that scary jelly stuff. *EHHHHHHHHGGHH*
    That trophy is freaking awsome what a great Husband you have. Too bad you didn't get touched at the flea market... but in reality I suppose it depends on who touched you... I have seen alot of shady characters at the Flea Market that I wouldn't want even 3 feet near me. *ahahah*

    P.S. I LOVE WALL CARPET!

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    1. LOL - if you're ever at a flea market and you hear a lady scream BAD TOUCH! BAD TOUCH! look around for moi! That jelly on SPAM - you just gave me the shivers.

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  8. OOPS! I missed the typo.

    Miss Helen,
    I am here to tell you, I am one who has actually eaten Spam and lived to tell about it. As a child, my family made sandwiches with said "meat". We would sear it in a skillet and add some cheese for a tasty sandwich. Well, I thought tasty at the time. That was before I knew I wasn't supposed to like Spam. Then, cheese makes anything taste good.
    I am now seventy-two years old. If I don't make it to seventy-three, I am announcing here that it was the Spam sandwiches that did me in!
    Please make sure that goes on my tombstone!
    Great and fun post, Ginger :)

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    1. Love it Ginger - 'Twas the Spam that did her in! That'll make people talk. Thanks for stopping by.

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  9. Most interesting post I've read today! LOL

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    1. Either you need to read more or I need to thank you for your kind words!

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  10. My hubby and I looked at your post together today. Would you believe you've made us hungry for SPAM? No....I didn't think so! heeheehee! I don't eat pork. Do you remember BIF? It was the 'beef' equivalent to Spam! OH MY!

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    1. BIF? NO! I do remember Vienna Sausages which were neither from Vienna or sausages! Oooh and olive loaf... what was THAT? But as a kid, I loved it.

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    2. My husband STILL eats Vienna sausages every once in a while. But he mispronounces it. I'm from the DEEP South and we called them VI enny sausages! heeheehee! I don't think we had ever heard of Vienna!

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  11. Contact paper IS fabulous. Whoever says it is not is just, well, wrong.

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    1. I KNOW.In fact anyone who doesn't like Contact paper is just stuck up... or stuck on Contact paper!

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  12. My friend Mike and I laugh all the time about our mothers and grandmothers gushing about their new wall to wall carpet. I thought that was just something people said in East Texas, but I guess now we'll have to stop laughing, since that's what it was called in national advertisements.

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    1. Yep. It's not only real, I went to grade school in a building with carpet on the walls. It was state of the art!

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  13. Do tell -- what award?! I want to be able to congratulate you!!

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    1. Best Love Inspired of the year from Romantic Times Magazine. 2nd year in a row. I really wanted to get it but given my tires gave our, I broke a tooth and my daughter had a tooth abscess and our whole crew at work come down with a dangerous lung fungus I guess it was a good think I didn't go.

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  14. Peachy Spam Bake... Ok, I'll give it points for being a pork product (I think) but really, why was that ever a good idea??? Happy Monday:@)

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    1. The same reason for all those frankfurter and Jell-O recipes - good PR people!

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  15. Congratulations, Annie on your award!!! I'm sorry you couldn't go accept it...that's a big, huge, bummer!!!

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    1. Thanks! It was a bummer but ended up being for the best.

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  16. Your blog is amazing, I love it! And I remember that flowery plane advert, I was very impressed with it at the time. (Not so much with the Spam we had for our school dinners though!)
    Helen x

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    1. LOL on the SPAM - it certainly evokes interesting responses! When I saw the Contact ad I thought it was for the airline that had colorful planes!

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  17. Oh no, not SPAM. I remember eating this as a child... well more like hiding it in my napkin & tossing it as a child. And because of same upbringing still make real HAM with the pineapple & cherries toothpicked in a pretty pattern on top (with a mustard brown sugar topping of course).

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    1. YUM! These days I like my ham and pineapple on pizza!

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  18. Congratulations on your award! BTW, in my head I give you an award for every post you blog ~ they're the BEST! Now...you've got me obsessing about my upcoming vacay. Do I embrace fakery or be myself? TBD.

    ~Cindy

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    1. Thanks! LOL on the vacay - why not be your best fake self?

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  19. Your dog has my mother's sun glasses. I have been coveting them since I was little and found them in her "old stuff" jewelry box. She has never worn them that I can remember, but she won't give them to me either. Maybe she will put them in her will.

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  20. Love your blog!! When I was growing-up we used to eat a macaroni salad that my mother prepared with spam! I liked it, then.

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  21. I really like the pink ad from the 60's because you know I love pink and that vintage look. The contact papered airplane looks like an attempt to repurpose gone a little wrong...made me smile. It's like finding something that your brothers had and,...well, giving it a "lift". You in the vintage dress was wonderful!! And, lastly, congratulations on your award!! The 2nd year in a row - how cool is that!!
    Blessings!
    Holly

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