Thursday, April 5, 2012

Baby's (Glue) Gunned a Bad, Bad Thing


Happy Easter Week Loved Ones! Feeling all spring feverish and walkin' on sunshine-y (don't worry, it will pass... once all the jelly beans and chocolate bunnies are gone and the sugar withdrawal sets in). But while I'm mellower than a yellow peep riding a microwave carousel to oblivion I thought I'd try something new. 


Welcome to Auntie Helen's artistic showcase


 "Now THAT's a Load of Crapht!"

I know, it's spring. You're sitting around wondering when the rain will let up, or when the rain will come, or why it only rains when you plan outdoor activities leaving your bored and stuck inside. Really, someone that obsessed with rain usually becomes a meteorologist but since the odds of you doing that are fair to partly not-gonna-happen, maybe you can take a page (I mean it, please, take this page away)from the McCall's 1967 Easter issue  and become a Meatier-ologist!
Behold the power of the HAM BASKET:

What Helen really meant to say was: Behold the power of drinking in the kitchen
 

Food was not the only thing that made me wonder what people were smoking back then... um, what new and interesting things people were up to back then.

Long before Lady Ga Ga was hatched, there was Salvador who had no trouble coming out of his shell

Even the magazine's designs prove that Lady G wasn't the first to have a thing for little monsters.

Aliens are obviously good eggs. They come bearing flowers and bring their own reusable shopping bags to carry our puny human brains back to their planet!

Now there's an Easter craft that's out of this world!
Yes, I DID have to say it. I know, YOU wanted to say it but I couldn't wait until your mouth was empty - yes, I did see your swiping jelly beans off the ham basket. No, I don't have eyes in the back of my head... but maybe my Easter bonnet does...

Cute, huh? But also tacky. And a little creepy. This is a whole category of crafting I'm going to call - Cu-tack-o-reepy.

Not up to making your own hat, then why not start with a more simple bit of Easter finery. Did I say finery? I think I meant insanity.

Uh-oh, it looks like Dad's stock is plummeting! Is it because a man who can't wrestle a glue gun away from his wife before she makes him a tie like this can't be trusted to keep Tracy in accounting from cooking the books? Or a ham basket?
How about something simple and fun for the kiddie--WHAT? This was a suggestion for grown women in 1967? B-but it's a box covered in tin foil with coins glued on top.


 Um, okay, here ya go. A great gift idea. Or a cry for help. You decide.
Even Betsy McCall can't believe it. Look, she even had her artisty clothes all picked out.

WOW, I cut out Betsy from every McCalls I got my hands on as a kid and never knew her clothes became advertisements for McCalls patterns! Was it always that way?

You're thinking now that sure, magazines promote this kind of craphtacular junk but people didn't do that for reals. Oh, it's for reals, people. Very, very, very reals.

Found in a local Peddler's Mall. LIGHTED Safety Pin Pink Lady  $14.95. No, I did not buy her or her friend. I did not even touch them. I think they may be haunted. They sure will haunt me.

 Left this one, too. Not quite Cu-tack-o-reepy but I don't think there is any craft so adorable that I could get past the knowledge it is made of yarn and sat for years in someone's bathroom.

Oh, if this pup could talk... I'd have to crochet a gag to make it shut up.

So there you have it. Maybe you picked up a few ideas. If so, please put them back down and walk away. Just. Walk. Away.

Whew. If I saved another home from the specter of the Ham Basket, then my work is done here.
Leaving you with a flash back from last year - a little bit souvenir, a little bit craft, a little bit 'wha...?" (yes, this coral encrusted seashell shrine commemorates a trip to farmland haven -  IOWA) a whole lot of fabulous!
  

The best explanation for this trend came in a conversation with my daughter.
Me: Okay, I understand when people made these with pink flamingos and smiling clam shells with googly eyes. But why bring Jesus into the tackifest?
Daughter, thinking for a moment then giving a shrug: Well, if you think about it mom, everything is better with Jesus in it.

So there ya go a Blessed Easter to all who celebrate and a happy weekend to all. Now go craft something to make Auntie Helen proud! 

Joining Thrifty Things Friday at Thrifty Groove 
Feathered Nest Friday
At the Picket Fence - Inspiration Friday
Vintage Inspiration at Common Ground
Pink Saturday

54 comments:

  1. Bravo, Helen! Chuckles and shrieks with this one. Loved Betsy McCall and hated having to wait to clip her out until mom was finished with the magazine. Terrific ending quote from daughter. Yes! Happy Resurrection Sunday, milady!
    Joy!
    Kathy

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  2. This is just what I needed. While I'm recovering and down to one leg, I'm going through major crafting withdrawal. Wishing you the happiest of tacky Easters!

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    1. This really would put on off crafting for a while, huh? But you can do better crafts on one leg than most of us can do on all fours. Wait, that didn't sound right. Happy Easter!

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  3. Tackfest - now there's a good term that fits a lot of things. May have to borrow that. Will attribute the term to you of course.

    Have a lovely weekend! :)

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    1. Yep, plenty of reasons to use that term, huh? Have a wonderful weekend too!

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  4. Hello Helen:
    Forget all that craft stuff. What use is that? We go all the time, way to a man's or woman's heart being through the stomach, or so we are told, for that delicious looking 'Wilson's Certified Meats'. Now that's what we call a proper Easter dinner.

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    1. LOL - in light of what people are putting in foods these days, perhaps a certified ham would be the best bet on the table! Ham Baskets for all!

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  5. I am getting a little bit of a Sally Fields Flying Nun thing from the FRONT of that Easter Bonnet up there. And who knew that IA was on the ocean and had such beautiful warm water shells!!!?! Happy Easter, Helen - Tanya

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    1. Thanks Tanya - yes, I can see Sally Fields in that hat - and those little wings lifting her up, up, up! Happy Easter to you as well!

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  6. Dear Helen, I saw that Ham Basket and thought to myself, "wouldn't that be even better made with SPAM?"

    Tammy

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    1. OOOoooooo. Brilliant idea. With Spam you could even get more of a basket shape. Oh, dear, my family may have to face the horror that is: The SPAM Basket!

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  7. Those safety pin pink ladies must have been the inspiration for the Modern Family episode of the lighted bride and bridesmaid dresses (which show they re-ran last night, and I laughed through it all). Loving your inspired outfit - glue gun gone bad.
    Keep on doin whatcha doin
    xoxox
    thriftshopcommando.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks Tami - I didn't even realize those dolls lit up until I got home and saw the photo. There was a cord running from under one of the dresses and then I zoomed in on the tag. Wow. If I'd only known... I'd still have left them there! They do look like that lit up dress!

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  8. Well now, there's a lot to chew on in this post... not the ham basket though! Can't get over the shell from West Bend Iowa, 'cause you know, nothing says Iowa more than sea shells... Happy Easter Weekend-enjoy:@)

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    1. It's so true. Nothing like Iowa by the sea.

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  9. I'm just curious, Mrs. Hartman...where do you store all this stuff?! Are you like me and you have a garage full of "someone else's treasures"? (Does the ? come before or after the quotation marks?)I knew it was bad the day the garage door was up and someone stopped and asked if this was where the garage sale was....
    May your Easter be blessed!
    xo
    Holly

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    1. Happily vintage magazines don't take up much space! My house is decked in vintage and I rotate in and out good stuff. Would love to have more space and display it all but who am I kidding, I'd just fill it with junk! Thanks to my son who hates clutter and organizes family clear outs regularly my home does not look like a hoarder's paradise!

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  10. Oh, my...I had finally managed to forget those crocheted toilet tissue holders...after 50 years of nightmares. And here you go posting them and making me start the process all over again. It will only take me till I'm 113.

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    1. LOL. It's my gift to you, the gift of toilet paper hiding poodles in your nightmares! Sorry about that.

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  11. Happy Easter to you and your Family! ENJOY YOUR HAM BASKET! =D

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    1. YIKES! I am a non meat eater these days so anyone brings and offering of Ham, basket or otherwise to me, I will bean them - with real beans! Happy Easter!

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  12. You need to have posters made of your great self-portrait! I know you'll come up with the perfect slogan for them.

    Although most of this was very scary, I kind of like those eggs. In a house full of sci-fi fans they might just be appreciated.

    Now hundreds of us will be picturing the ham basket this Sunday as we cook and eat our own normal hams. Thanks A LOT!

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    1. LOL - I know it's the housewive's dilemma, never being able to do all the wonderful presentations in the women's magazines. I loved those alien eggs. Wonder how they got them so dark, though. I was dyeing eggs as a kid in 1967 and they were usually pretty pale.

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  13. I still can't get over the ham basket. Wow I am in shock with that one. Happy Easter.

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    1. Does that mean you're going to make one? If so, we all want pictures! Happy Easter!

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  14. LOVE the observation about Salvadore!!! I'll be laughing about that one all day!!!

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    1. E! I put the e on the end but spellcheck denied it! I thought maybe I was wrong. But we all know Helen is never wrong. She's just right in her own way. Thanks Sherry!

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  15. This was so funny! Now I just gotta make the ham basket....just for you! LOL Thank you for sharing with us at TTF. I hope you and your family have a happy and blessed Easter!

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    1. Thank you Diann. Pictures, we want ham basket pictures! Happy Easter!

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  16. Hi Helen

    You always make me smile. Love the ham basket - I think my Aunt Olive made something like that one year - it sticks in my memory, I'll have to ask her daughter.

    I wish you a Happy Easter too sweet friend!

    Enjoy!
    Leann

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    1. oh my, an actual ham basket sighting! Happy Easter to you and your family.

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  17. What a fun post. My Aunt of long ago use to make crochet Poodles like that when I was a child.
    Happy Easter and Happy Pink Saturday, Oh and Happy Tartan Day!
    Have a great weekend.
    Pat

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    1. Tartan Day, I didn't even know. Happy Easter!

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  18. OK, I'm laughing like a crazy person, and I really shouldn't be, because I'm still at work! Happy Easter -- and thanks for stopping by the Marmelade Gypsy! (I really LOVE this!)

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    1. Thanks for coming by! I enjoyed your blog too. Happy Easter to you too.

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  19. Happy Easter and Pink Saturday! I think crocheted things/animals for bathrooms are real tacky!! what a hoot!

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    1. Tacky can be good, of course, but not in this case. I prefer the crocheted poodle for booze bottles. Happy Easter.

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  20. LOL, this is my first visit to your blog and I have to tell you, you SHOULD post a warning at the top, I nearly spit my tea all over my keyboard from laughing at the very first picture! What a fun, fun stop! I never knew that about Betsy McCall either! DUH! Oh and I have to ask, what exactly is that long thing protruding in front of the TP poodle? Hmm, maybe you better not answer that, ha ha! Have wonderful weekend, now I'm off to find all the ingredients to make my own ham basket! ;) Nan

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  21. Thanks for stopping by Nan - I knew someone would ask about that poodle thing. Maybe his collar fell off? I only know I wasn't brave enough to poke around and figure it out. Hope you have a happy ham basket and come back again!

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  22. oh lordy that ham basket! so much terror and wonder all at once for me! and i probably wouldn't have been able to resist that poodle toilet paper cover. all those years of feces would now be in my house.

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    1. Yikes! But ya know, ya loves what ya loves if ya loves those poodles then...

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  23. Dear Helen,

    I wish you a wonderful Easter holiday, with my thanks for a season-in-one-post of all the corny crafts you oculd gather. There was also one which I NEVER figured out. You took a yard-square of large-checked fabric, somehow needle-nipped every other square into a point by grabbing the four corners and bringing them to the middle. This whole thing covered a pillow, which was never used at home. They were ONLY for displaying in the back window of your car.

    I hope this was only a Southern thing. Your wit amazes and delights, as always.


    rachel

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    1. LOL Rachel - I totally forgot about the car window pillow. What kind of trend was THAT? I also remember those bobble head dogs that sat in the back window. Thanks for the memory and the visit!

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  24. Just stopping by that this post will be featured on this week's Thrifty things Friday party! :)

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    1. WOW Diann - that is soo cool. Thanks! I can't wait for Friday!

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  25. So glad I found you I needed a laugh today.
    I am off to craft the easter bonnet:)
    Cathy

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    1. LOL - I just can't decide if it's cute or scary.

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  26. Too funny! I loved Betsy and gave my youngest the name of Kylee McCall. I bet some of those crafts were beauties in their days. lol! I always say, we'll probably die laughing at all the things we made out of burlap in 20 years or so.
    Hugs,
    Jann

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    1. I know! I will never look at a crafting trend the same way again. Are we being clever or creating something our future selves will cringe over?

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  27. You finally got to it at the end. One of the worst things ever is the crocheted toilet tissue cover. Scares me to think of having a major need for t.p. and having to wrestle it away from some crocheted little dolly.

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    1. LOL - I always thought those must be like guest soaps, with grandma yelling - the real refills are under the sink. Nobody use the one in the poodle, it's just for looks.

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