Thursday, May 24, 2012

Be Prepared this Summer!


Dear Helen Hartman,
How did this happen? How could it already be the beginning of summer?  I know we will have company  this time of year and that I will not feel like cooking (why would summer be any different than any other time of year?) I would love some ideas for ways to feed people that are fun, festive, fantastic and fast!


Dear Loved One,
People who are fun, festive, fantastic and fast rarely care about what you cook for them. They are usually more concerned with what you pour for them.

Allen wondered if they had all had too much beer when the girls gave up bidding or caring who saw their cards but he knew they were in real trouble when Mabel suggested they take a go at 'strip bridge'.

Oh, wait, it’s not the people that you are talking about. You are using a string of f-words to describe the kind of food you want to serve. (if you thought that sounded naughty maybe you should wash your mind out with soap!)

I don't have any soap. But I've heard alcohol can be used to clean and disinfect, let's try that!

It seems to me you are saying that summers are busy enough without having to constantly be whipping up meals and snacks for others. Helen’s advice? Don’t be prepared – BUY prepared!

Get my broker on the line. Dump all that lousy Facebook stock and buy a thousand shares of Prepared, pronto!
In days gone by packaged food was the kind of thing I’d only serve my trashy neighbor Theresa and her motley brood 


Entertaining Tip:  get a cheap cart, stack it with food and shove it down the drive - if your neighbors are like mine, they will chase it like a hungry dog after a butcher's truck.  


but either pre-fab food has come a long way or Helen’s attitude has!

Or, let’s be honest, Helen has gotten lazy and doesn’t really think THAT much more of any guest than she does of that mess of a family next door ( check out the spot where I actually intend to spend my summer NOT cooking)
So off to the Tempus Frigidaireo – Helen’s second choice in clunky outdated time travel devices (her first being her own warped mind).

Femineered for your safety - because if it wasn't girls would sit with door open all day and gab on the phone. Dumb girls. 

First stop – the Frozen in Time section:


SUMPTUOUS? That doesn't even begin to describe it! (ps this is now my most favorite ad image ever!)

No trip to the past would be complete without a little visit to some Can-do it Cooking: 
Something from a can makes every meal fancy, right?

  Nice how Mamma found a lovely display apothecary for her medical marijuana, too. Oh, come on she HAS to be smoking something to think tomato paste is going to help those "Rollettes".

Or skip the cooking all together and just heat and eat:


 
All Sauced? Sure when you're talking about a can of meat, you think that's a selling point. When you're talking about Uncle Ernie, not so much.

  Not for you? There's always Can't do cooking 

Daisy on lunch tray? Check.  Super neat overalls and baby blue shirt? Check. Pointy-tailed Devil with weird message on sign beaming down on Man looking way to longingly at a his big ol
'sammich? Check and Check. Yeah, THAT'LL sell some ham.

And last let’s finish with some Out ’O’ the Box treats: The ‘O’ guarantees vintage goodness -- no f ‘n’ around!  (yes that is my second faux f word joke in one post. No,  have not run out of ideas, I’m just trying to get them out of my system.)


Wonders never cease! This soup is TALENTED! Look for it next on Dipping with the Stars!

There. Now you have some options for summer meals sure to please - yourself, because they are so danged easy!

Okay, everybody back to the present. Please keep hands and feet inside the time machine until we come to a complete stop. No foolin' with the dials to try to whiz on past into the future! 


In the future all the lady of the house will have to do is push a button and her oven will deliver all kinds of hot, yummy food! Just like having a wife! 
And remember Helen’s rule for time travel: Take only a memory, leave only tens and twenty’s in your time travel tour guides tip jar!


These are all images from my vintage finds of old magazines (big scores the last few weeks) so am joining The Thrifty Groove  and hoping it's inspiring so also Inspiration Friday

39 comments:

  1. Holy Jesus - "California style"? Fish sticks cooked in tomato sauce? That's California blasphemy. We only serve our fish sticks with canned peas! Damned Easterners lying about us and all!

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    1. LOL - canned peas! I always think of fish sticks as going with Jell-O. Crazy Californians, they might just do anything!

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  2. Oh yea, gotta get me some spareribs in a can-now my cookout will be complete! Have a great Memorial Day Weekend:@)

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    1. You too - I keep trying to imagine the size of that can or just how short those short ribs must have been!

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  3. You truly can't talk about 1950s food without mentioning fish sticks. I was raised on those things...and fried baloney. (We weren't fancy enough to say "bologna.") :)

    And, seriously, femineered? No wonder we burned our bras and joined the feminist movement.

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    1. Yes, burned our bras and unfroze our fish sticks - liberation for womankind!

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  4. What ARE those things Mamma is pouring that tomato sauce over? Only a seriously raging case of the munchies is going to make that taste good. Hope your Memorial Day Weekend rocks, Helen!

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    1. Thanks - have a great Memorial Day Weekend yourself! I have no clue about Mamma's meal - it looks miserable.

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  5. I never knew the top tray lifted off the Cosco rolling tea cart! COOL and thank you for educating me on what to serve over the summer. I'd try any of those goodies but the fish stick thing is a little scary.

    Tammy

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    1. My cart does NOT lift off - it's not quite like that and weirdly I paid 15$ for it - which seems what it cost new. Yes, that fishstick thing is spooky.

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  6. It was a little hard to get past the fishsticks casserole....but then I would have missed the spare ribs in sauce! OH MY! What were our mothers thinking? Oh, and now that I have Dear Helen famous....do you think I could appear in an ad? Thanks for the fun! Your familiar friend, Diane

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    1. Yes! I am so obsessed with the fishstick lady I have plans to try to recreate her ad! No clue what they were thinking them but I bet it wasn't YUM!

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  7. You are a woman ahead of your time...lol And how about hose spare ribs in a can? OH MY! Gotta love a trashy neighbor that will chase a rolling food tray- xo Diana

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    1. Thanks - the ribs in a can have me baffled, too. Never heard of that. Maybe that's a blessing.

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  8. As much as i love the past some of that food leaves my taste buds sour ;-) That soup for one. But it does make you chuckle ;-))dee x

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    1. Yes, it is nice entertainment value more than value for your entertaining!

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  9. Hello Helen:
    Well, we are definitely of the pour it out into a glass and let us not worry about whether anything accompanies it variety of visitor. And, we tend to observe the same routines when others come to call. We find that in a very short period they have lost all track of time and space and so the Lipton Onion soup or spare ribs in a tin can be served with a flourish and not a care in the world from that point on.


    There are restaurants, you know.....just saying!!!

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    1. Brilliant, as always! Yes, if you have enough liquid nourishment on hand, the other things you serve need not be fancy. Restaurants are good, I think I'll go to one and leave my guests with this junk to eat!

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  10. Spare ribs in a can? Faint. I can't even go there with the fish sticks... OH MY! But the dried onion soup... goodness still using that trick from time to time (the classic dip & adding to ground beef for burgers). Such fun images, thank-you for sharing.

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    1. Thanks! Yes, we love dried onion soup too - though I never thought of it as talented as the ad promised.

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  11. You've given me so many good recipe ideas! Stopping to buy fish sticks when I go out today.

    Happy Memorial Day weekend! :)

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    1. Your family will be so pleased, Karen! Be sure to wear your stylish headscarf and cat eye glasses!

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  12. You sure got some tastey ads at those sales! Spare Ribs in a can....where can we get that today? Got a BBQ Sunday and how easy would that be to roll out on my "femineered" (that was a good one) roll cart?!! Thanks for the fab tips....they'll get us through the weekend at least!

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    1. May you survive the weekend with all the wheels on your service cart pointing in the same direction! Those canned ribs may deserve some research.

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  13. Replies
    1. HUSH! Or maybe you can go there, unwrap those suckers, put them on a plate and say you made them. ORRRR cover em and sauce and say Mamma made 'em - California style!

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  14. Love Love Love these ads! I say serve simple food and keep the liquid refreshments flowing!

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    1. Perfect. It's so hot here today and even if I made any food I think it would liquefy before we could serve it. Let's just get out the cocktail shakers are go for it (btw - we drink out sweet tea from cocktail shakers in my house - they are perfect for it)

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  15. Why do I always have to read your posts on a empty stomach? By the time I am at the end my tummy is rumbling like none other.

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    1. Mine wishes it were empty when I see some of those concoctions!

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  16. We had a staff lunch today and I told someone that I hoped that my spaghetti salad didn't get eaten because I had another potluck to go to tonight and would bring it. (Of course I was just kidding....sort of). Alas, it did get eaten, but I do have Betty Crockers brownies - always a hit! If I make the frosting that goes on top, does that count for sort of homemade!
    Have a wonderful weekend!

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    1. Spaghetti salad? I am trying to imagine that. Brownies, those I can picture no problem. I think if you whip it up, it's home made. That counts!

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  17. There's nothing I like better on a hot night like tonight than to sit in front of my fridge eating onion soup dip! Thanks for making me feel less alone ;-)

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  18. A distant cousin of the Mcrib, the rib in a can! LOL! Thought I was old enough to remember everything!

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    1. I KNOW. NEVER heard of those canned ribs. I can't even imagine it - what size was that can?

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  19. What fabulous ads. love them all. I look forward to seeing you at My Dream Canvas. Take care Anu

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    1. I will be right over! Thanks for stopping by!

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  20. These are awesome old ad finds! Hummmm fishstick pizza? Doesn't that just sound like it would be the hit of any backyard gathering...NOT. Now I just gotta find me some "ribs in a can"! Thank you for sharing at TTF and I hope you are having a great week!

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