Monday, June 18, 2012

Feed a Fever, Starve a Jerk


Dear Helen Hartman,
The sky is falling! The sky is falling! Well, that’s what you’d think is 
happening around this place if you listened to the demands and 
complaints coming from the vicinity of our couch. 
My husband is sick. No, not the kind of sick where he goes to the doctor to get better, the kind where he lays around the house ‘dying’ and telling me no one has ever been as sick as he is. Maybe it sounds like I’m making too big of a deal of  the whole ordeal but would love to know what to do with a sick husband? Providing smothering him is not an option.

Dear Loved Him in Sickness and Health But This Is Ridiculous One,
Making too much of a deal? Loved One, in the great charts of epic world ending catastrophes it goes as follows:
War
Famine
Pestilence
Plague
Man with a head cold

"There, there, dear. At least Man with a Head Cold made a respectable showing. I'm sure Man with a Boo Boo is in the top 10!"

Helen does love men. She also loves shoes.

A keepsake from my mom, hand made alligator circa 1965

But she has no patience for either if they don't look and feel wonderful.

If you just envisioned Helen wearing divinely cute shoes walking all over some poor hapless fella you are now absolutely my favorite person. Keep painting, dear, Helen is going out to toast to the brilliance of her clever readers.

Perhaps it’s just a matter of perspective? All in how you look at it?

Helen looks at it through gold glasses with blue rhinestones that rest in a pearly and gold accented Lucite eyeglasses keeper! What? You think that's just an excuse to show off my latest find? Ooooh, suddenly Helen doesn't find your cleverness so darling.
When we are sick everyone craves a little pampering.

I don't know where to start with this photo... to focus on the fact his chest looks like a living KEN doll or that his far away look make me think he'd rather have a someone NAMED Ken giving him that "grown-up' Vapo Rub down.

Pampering, how hard can that be? People do it for me all the time and seem to sincerely love it. At least that's what I hear when they blab on and on about whatever it is they are saying as they wait on me hand and foot.

Just treat me as you would any princess with the power to turn you into a Popsicle 

They do say to feed a fever and starve a cold… or is it the other way around? Either way, if your other half complains of not feeling well, whip up one of these.

That'll shut them up.

Remember men who overdo on the demands when they are sick are like medication…

Sweet, sweet medication. Mine makes me see a family that helps with the dishes. Flying dishes.

Things will go much better if you respond to them rather than react to them!

And would it be so wrong to respond via cell phone as you take off for parts unknown with your bff until your sweetie is actually feeling sweet again?






Joining Nifty Thrifty Tuesday at Coastal Charm
and Pink Hippo Party

45 comments:

  1. OH MY GOD, THE SICKNESS TOOK HIS NIPPLES!

    Obviously, he's smiling because he's delirious and has no clue that the sickness has eaten his nipples off. Let's just hope it's working it's way down, not up...

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    1. LOL - he must have the drospies. They dropped right off!

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  2. That nippleless man is very odd. I can't bear sickness and men are the worst. I'd make a terrible nurse! x

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    1. I love mine but when's he's sick, he's on his own,

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  3. I've been Woman with a Head Cold for the past three days. I'd try to get a little sympathy, but I don't want to be thrown into the same category as whiney men. :)

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    1. Women don't whine when they are sick, they make their wishes known so that others have an opportunity to learn how to be better caregivers. That's my story.

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  4. You are always a delight!
    TTFN ~
    Have a lovely day ~
    Marydon

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    1. Thanks for stopping by as always, it's so fun to hear from you.

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  5. I'm stealing that Christmas princess image for my kitschmas postings in December *rubs hands together with glee*

    And what happened to the guy in the Vaporub ad? Did they shave off ALL of his chest hair?

    thriftshopcommando.blogspot.com

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    1. I think they coated him in Vapo Rub! It's just a bit scary looking for me.

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  6. Oh poor hubby...I do hope he'll recover quickly....*s*
    Love your story and love the pictures. They do make one think. My hubs on the other hand isn't whiney when he's sick. Odd. He tries to ignore it in hopes it'll all go away. When he's that way I really like to pamper him...almost sounds like a plan doesn't it. I don't think so though.
    IT was nice to have you visit...do come visit again.
    Judi

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    1. I think your hubby has it allll figured out. Thanks for stopping by.

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  7. I think you're right about Vaporub Guy dreaming about Ken...he's a dead ringer for Rock Hudson. Poor Mrs. Vaporub looks kinda like Doris Day...or am I delusional? =D

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  8. I can see it. The mag was 1957 so Rock and Doris were probably pretty popular, right?

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  9. Please pass the cabbage rolls with Campbell's Soup on top!!! And can Ken serve them to me??

    Tammy

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    1. Yes, Ken can... but he may smell like Vapo Rub. A wait, that might help cover the aroma of that recipe.

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  10. Dear Helen I hope Mr Hartman is feeling better and you are rubbing vaporub on is manly chest.
    Cathy

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    1. I didn't even know they still MADE Vapo Rub? Thanks for visiting.

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  11. Isn't there a book called 100 Things to Do with a Man with a Head Cold? I should think the head cold has penetrated deep into the brain which has caused his sticking-out-bits to fall off and all his hair from the neck down to fall out! Do you think women could catch this so our hair neck-down would fall out too, without all the sticking-out-bits falling off as well? This is a job for Science.

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    1. LOL - yes, Science with a capital S is the answer. I think time does enough of a number on lady's sticking out bits, they slide away slowly. We do need that book - I suspect doorstop is a suggestion.

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  12. There is an absolute EPIDEMIC of men like this in the UK, it's very worrying. Every time my husband attempts it I just offer to call 999 (emergency services) like in this clip!

    Man Cold

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    1. OMG _ THAT IS Hysterical. I adore Nick Frost, I hope he survived this narrow brush with death... and got that soup.

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  13. I am so glad I am not the only heartless woman around....LOL

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    1. There will always be 'heartless' women as long as there are 'brainless' men (not saying he's dumb, saying he's acting like a zombie)>

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  14. Hello Helen:
    Call us heartless, but one should never, never indulge sickness unless, caveat coming here lest we are ostracised by any readers of this comment, of a serious nature in which case, in our view, hospital is the very best place, or it used to be before they all became bug ridden, as is certainly the case in the United Kingdom.

    We think your assumption about the nippleless living Ken doll is right. Can't that simpering woman see?!!

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    1. This is where we differ, I fear. Helen indulges in illness all the time, most often in ones she doesn't even have! Mama doesn't feel well, leave her to lie in bed, dears. I agree about hospitals, though, stay away at all costs if you can!

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  15. So glad to have you back! Another fabulous post. I'm seriously drooling over your red alligator shoes and the gold glasses with blue rhinestones. Fabulous darling. Simply fabulous!

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    1. I honestly cannot walk in those shoes. I wonder how my mom lived in heels with pointy toes for so long? She tried to teach me the knack for walking but I was wedgies and clogs and never got the hang of it.

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  16. Oh yum! I'm sure if ailing men were served up those tomato soup dishes, they'd forget about what was ailing them; it could only get worse after downing all of that. Once again, I almost lost my coffee while reading through your very clever post:-)

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    1. Well, that's what you get for drinking coffee, dear! If you drink a martini or margarita, you can always just toss it back quickly, no spills! Thanks for coming by and agreeing with me about those soup dishes. FYI - I did NOT enhance the color on those, that's how they tried to sell the idea!

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  17. Love he comparison because it is SO true!!! Did you ever notice, too, that if you are the one sick that they suddenly don't feel well either? What is THAT about?! Or if you are sick, they are wondering what is for dinner, but if they are sick, they still ask that same question? Love this! Let the truth ring out!! Thanks for the smiles.

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    1. LOL - I forgot that trend, when Mom is sick, everyone is sick.

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  18. Reminds me of this!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mz6DktXFvg4

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    1. So funny. Those fellas sure wish someone would come running and demand they be called poor bunny when they are sick!

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  19. Sick hubs or not, I'd love to hop on that motor scooter and scooch off for a day or two... sans weird soup thingies, et.al.

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    1. I KNOW. This weekend while looking for something entirely different we found a Vespa dealership! I want one!

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  20. Ha, I would have put a man with a cold as the number one catastrophe. :)

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    1. LOL - I'm sure you wouldn't be the only one to think that way!

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    2. LOL LOL LOL!! Love reading your post. Yeah Men are like that. LOL LOL!!

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  21. I am PRETTY certain I am going to need stitches after laughing my guts out on this one!!! Oh, my gosh....HILARIOUS about the nipple-less man! As for those glasses, I used to wear some that looked much like those. Had I known I would be blog buddies with you in a future life, I would have saved them for you rather than intentionally run them through the garbage disposal when I finally got contact lenses!!!

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  22. Well I know one thing, all those tomato soup recipes are likely to make me feel ill. I think I need to go find some chocolate and get those images out of my head.

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  23. Awesome, love it!! Men are such a PITA, must be why I don't have one!

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  24. ha ha ha men bless them don't have the strengh we have thats for sure oh yes physical of course but not mental ;-)) Loving those glasses there smashing. dee x

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  25. Ain't that the truth :)
    Just wanted to stop by and congratulate you on an interview well done! We were thinking of you this week, as we found some vintage magazines and been thumbing through them....right up your alley!

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  26. Dear Helen Hartman,
    You are Hilarious! I just adore your vintage attitude.. and really men are such babies when it comes to illness.. women will be on death's door still tending to the children, cleaning the house and serving everyone else's needs while men lie in bed moaning about how awful they feel! You are my hero!
    Thanks so much for sharing with the Pink Hippo Party.. I am featuring this post at this week's Pink hippo Party!
    xoxo
    Amie @ Pinkapotamus

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