Thursday, June 7, 2012

Skirting the Issue?


Have you been to Mick's?  Everyone goes, you should too! But wait until you read this question from his neck of the woods.

Dear Helen Hartman 
Until about 7 months ago things were just ducky in the life of this set dresser. My Girlfriend and I  and our close friends (practically my brothers), lets call them "Mr. B & Mr. S"  were all very close. Then came "The Skirts" (I wont say just how short the hemline is).  Anyways after about a month of Mr. B and Mr. S dating the skirts they started to change (granted we knew this would happen.)
However my Girlfriend and I don't much care for either one of "The Skirts" because of how they act and treat people. We've tried to be polite (E. Post would be proud) to "the skirts" but ultimately we've just decided not to keep company with them (the skirts) but stay business as usual with Mr. B & Mr. S.. We have tried everything from the sacred "Bless your heart" method to my mother’s own "If you don't have anything nice to say, keep your trap shut..."
Yet the Skirts persist on stirring up trouble. Can we not just agree to disagree and keep our distances? Is that so unreasonable? I just don't know what to do anymore, perhaps you have some insight?

Dear Loves Your Friends but Not Their Friends Ones,
Helen is more of a ‘If you don’t have anything nice to say that just gives you more blog material’ kind of gal so her advice might be a bit…

Yes, I look sweet but make fun of my personal style and I'll bitch slap you so hard it'll knock the rose right out of my hat.

… less than helpful in dealing with this particular kind of  animal.

Yes, those ARE short "Skirts" not to mention acting no better than a jazz dancing donkey and a cigar puffing 'potomus! I dislike them already and see why you would too!
ps - what the #%^@8 1954 underwear advertising? I thought the big drugs didn't show up for another decade.

I meant the green eyed monster. You are a bit jealous of your friend’s time, clearly their attachments are a bit jealous of their relationship with you and your girlfriend.

There must be some entity to which Helen can turn, where the solutions will be courteous, cheerful, brave… Hey, wait a minute.  

The month? July. The year? 1962. The Mag - the official mag of the Boy Scouts of America. The point of the cover? Um, boys like bandstands and fireworks?

While I don’t suspect there is anything in this issue to deal directly with “The Skirts”

"Oh yeah? I'd look better in that outfit than you do, girl."    
"You go, Jeffry. Earn your badge in showing that hot mess how it's done!"   

They clearly understand the concept of attraction causing fellas to lose sight of some important things in life.


Tell the family to stand in the shade of Nana's giant shadow. I'll get this beach umbrella to them when I'm done checking out this neat camera.

There have always been girls who will exploit their ‘assets’ to manipulate a fella.

THESE Things? Oh, just a little something I tied up with a bow like a present .

A real woman doesn’t have to do this

Because REAL woman are allowed to own handguns?

It sounds like what you are dealing with here is... 

Okay, maybe it's not that bad but  Helen needed an excuse to show of her spotted @$$

...a lack of maturity on the part of your friends, their friends and their newly minted relationships. 


Hey there, Hope you don't mind that I broke into your home, messed up your paper, put my feet on your table and drank all your COKE. You know what they say - Beauty is as Beauty does...but Fabulous does whatever she damn well pleases.




Your solution of keeping your distance is what works for Helen. She keeps her worlds of friends and family so far apart that when hubby’s coworkers finally met me at a party many said they thought I was imaginary.



Are you a good witch or a bad witch? Yes. And Don't you forget it , Eeyore.

This is always a toughie. We know that people won’t always love who we love but it’s hard to understand why they don’t LIKE who we love.  
There is no way detailing your dislikes, however justified, will make things better. Give it time, as in wait to see how things work out but also as in, find time for your friends that doesn’t involve The Skirts. Maybe there are some things your original group likes to do that the newcomers might want to bow out of on their own–

Primal Monkey therapy for example. Wait is Billy the kid or the monkey? Who is helping who here? Who is helping who? 

Keep the lines of communication open. One day the hems may drop on those skirts, and your pals may be in need of a good friend again.

21 comments:

  1. Hello Helen:
    We have always blamed the English single sex education system for producing men and women who are inept are dealing with the opposite sex. Whilst such institutions may be fine for creating domestic goddesses from the girls and naval commanders from the boys, encouraging 'normal' relationships just was never possible.

    However, as you advise here time is what is needed to repair this friendship. For, as the years go past and the legs under the skirts require more and more camouflage, we are sure that Mr B and Mr S will turn back to their old chums just like any ship in trouble returns to port!!

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    1. LOL - there are no friends like those who knew us when.

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  2. Do you know how much I look forward to reading your little mini stories?! So much! Keep them coming. You, dear, are a literary genius!

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    1. Why thank you! I look forward to writing blog posts, that's probably the key. If I HAD to do it, nothing funny about that!

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  3. I know we should be talking about "the skirts" but I just have to tell you that I was Glenda my Sophomore year in our HS musical....so I am LOVIN' the Good Witch costume!

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    1. It IS the best costume ever - I had to cut down last year because that one just took up too much room!

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  4. LOL-Helen Hartman. I picture MINI-skirts...but I suppose we could be talking MAXI skirts or we could just skirt the issue altogether. Love your style. xo Diana

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    1. Oh yeah, I saw mini skirts but you are so right trouble comes in all kinds of hem lengths!

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  5. This is my first visit here and I am sure that by following your sage advice my life will become much more fulfilling. I will not only be able to dazzle dinner guests with your zombie etiquette tips but also juggle my myriad of interesting friends and unfriends. THANK YOU!!! I love your blog! I just joined you back!

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    1. Thanks Melanie - I Love your blog and having you visit mine. Maybe I should post a warning to NOT do as I say?

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  6. My daughter and I are actually going to Mick's this weekend to visit at the Casablanca and see Zombie Prom. Shall we act as your proxy and do any bitch slapping that becomes necessary? Trust me, we're up to the task. :)

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    1. Oh, please do - Tell them Helen sends you THIS and if they ask why stare them down and say "YOU KNOW WHY!". Enjoy the visit!

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  7. Lovin' your little polka dotted a$$! Too cute! As for the real life ones... I'm just trying to deal with them myself:@)

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    1. LOL - why can't they all be that sweet?

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  8. I just had a bunch of "Oh, Lordy!" moments!!!!! Seriously....we need to have you tested. Something is WRONG with you, girl!!! Keep it up, though, because it makes our day! :-) SO funny!!!

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    1. Hmm Helen would say something is RIGHT with me. It's the rest of the world that's gone wrong - and I have to fix it! Thanks.

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  9. Oh girl, you just keep shocking all of us. Still wonderin, are you a good witch or a bad witch? lol! No Micks in my neck of the woods.

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    1. If you think about it Glinda was not ALL that good - I mean she did seem pretty okay with Dorothy killing the 'bad' witches. Thanks for coming by!

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  10. Brilliant and sound advice today i have to say. I hope it all works out for Mike, dee x

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  11. You always have such sound and savvy advice! What would we do without you? :)

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  12. It's always a little tricky having male friends. They can definitely 'act' different around those they are trying to impress. Of course WE would never be that way! lol

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