Dear Helen Hartman,
I need a hobby. I’m not crafty. I don’t want to be cooped up. Also, I am kinda a klutz, so the thought of me with a glue gun or knitting needles? Better put 911 on speed dial. I do like the idea of doing something that nourishes the soul and maybe nourishes others. So I was thinking naturally… Beekeeping! Naturally… beekeeping, get it? It’s outdoorsy, all natural and there’s honey! Don’t you LOVE it?
Dear Loved One,
I get your thinking. When you want to know about bees, you come to Helen, the Queen Bee.
|You were going to say "Because Helen is always half-buzzed, weren't you?" HA! I resent that. Helen is never HALF anything.|
As fun as it might be to send a self-admitted klutz who thinks dialing 911 needs to be speedier and can’t handle a glue gun out to master a whole hive of bees…
|A bee in Helen's actual yard. Yes, they do pose for me, you mean yours don't for you?|
...give me a moment while I picture you running back and forth in a field with a cloud of bees shaped like an arrow chasing you as you frantically stab your finger through the multiple screens needed to speed dial 911.
|This woman is not, in fact, being chased by bees but is merely excited about HER hobby - bowling. Yes, I said bowling. But this is how I think you might look on Day 1 of Beekeeping.|
I’m not sure I can, in good conscience, lend my stamp of approval to such a project.
|Helen does not actually have a stamp of approval –if she did she would not lend it to anyone, so put that thought right out of your head.|
Bee keeping? Are you sure you wouldn’t prefer bee collecting? Or better yet, try what Helen has discovered, 'be' collecting.
|"Did she call us what I THINK she called us?" "Like She's got room to talk - some nerve!"|
There is nothing Helen likes better than telling others how to be but it’s so hot today I think I’ll just let some of my newer finds do that for me. Let’s start with this tea towel, a place where many of Helen’s best ideas come from – oh wait, that might be bar towels. Anyway...
Join a religious order and take up conga drum! It’s hip. It’s fun. All the cool Nuns are doing it!
That is, the ones who aren't Mime herding...
|Did you say Mime HERDING or Mime HURTING, because I know some people who are itching to throw a brick through one of those invisible walls Mimes keep getting trapped in.|
Be Original. You want something that nourishes others? Take up Meatloaf sculpting!
Oh wait, you wanted something to get you outdoors. Then you really must follow your heart… and by that I mean Helen’s heart and Be DAZZLING!
|Weekend's Estate Sale Finds (not the red glass that was already mine)|
Start collecting gorgeous vintage jewelry, pile it on and go outside to let everyone admire you. In other words, just BEE your Fabulous Self!
It’s the perfect hobby for someone who doesn’t want to actually DO anything, don’t you think?
Best of Luck with whatever you do, and remember if you take up beekeeping anyway and need someone to take the sting out of your new venture, don't come running back to Helen. She will just tell you to buzz off! (with Love, of course!)
Joining Metamorphosis Monday