Friday, August 10, 2012

But Wait... There's a Moral!

Dear Helen Hartman,
Aaaack! Everywhere I go these days it seems like people are hot, cranky and rude. It has me really feeling the love for simpler times like you highlight in your blog. Pretty please with sugar on top, share some tips on how to make life a little more civilized.

Dear Feelin’ the Love-d One,
Be prepared to lose that lovin’ feeling becauseHelen does not believe in sugar coating anything.

Spoiler Alert: Actual 'Reducing Diet Menus' work better WITHOUT sugar.  
In fact if the worst thing anyone says about me is: 'That Helen is hot, cranky and rude.' I would be… well, I’d be suprised.

Except for the HOT part, of course. Baby, I was born that way.  It might have been because of the way my mom dressed me. Or her expert bang cutting technique.

Yes, it is tempting to want to jump in the Tempus Frigedarius

The Preferred Time Travel Appliance of the Discerning Retronaut 
...and travel back to a time when cooler and - better coiffed heads - prevailed.

So tell me, um, when would that be?

Back to a time when THIS was the range of emotions advertising geniuses ascribed to a the typical housewife in need of a little over the counter pill a few days out of the month? They completely left out klutzy, ravenous and homicidal
Don’t even get me started. No, I mean it, questions like this really wind me up and the next thing I know I am in jeopardy of taking off my halo and skimming it at you Odd Job style.

Do you have any idea the kind of nasty knot a halo to the noggin can leave? Yes, Helen's halo IS made of pineapple rings in JELL-O. What did you expect? SPAM?

Yes, I realize that was a bit snarly but we are, after all, in what people call the dog days of summer. You’re lucky I didn’t release my inner bitch.

What? It’s a legit dog term. You thought I meant...?
Has anyone told you that you have a dirty mind? I like that about you.

After a long, hot summer most people's bark may be worse than their bite.

Is this adorable? Or is it creepy? Helen can't decide but she had to have it. She's calling it Creepdorable.

There is no magical era when everything was better but there is always time for YOU to make things better now.

YES, YOU!

Bob Newhart (and I can’t find the quote so am paraphrasing) said that if you have the gift to be able to make people laugh it is your moral obligation to do so.
Helen doesn’t like to brag on herself… but let’s just say she strives daily to be a very ‘moral’ person in that respect.

One of my  'moral' choices - a naked angel and white donkey I gave to my cousin Pat. How could I not get extra points in heaven for sharing this gem???
 One of the nicest things Hubby Hartman ever said to me was – “I have not known you a single day that you haven’t laughed.”

I shudder to think how he MIGHT have ended that sentence -  Not a day you haven't... sat under the dryer and pretended you couldn't hear the family wanting dinner, passed gas loudly and blamed the dog, run naked into the street shaking your fist at the squirrels... 

You want to make life more civilized? Don’t look to the past, look in a mirror.

See what I saw in the mirror? Pretty new apron and my new PINK CRINOLINE! (A Pink Saturday Surprise!)

Find what's good now, even if you have to peek under a few layers. Think about what you can do to make life better for those around you.

If you don’t know where to start, start with Helen. Don’t ask questions that try her patience or else she may turn the Tempus Frigidarius into a 
Eeyorius Gluteus Maximus Mythos Volcanos! 

Helen’s translation – a place to throw your whiny behind into a mythical fiery pit

Like they say - the good old days are now - make the most of them!

49 comments:

  1. There is no cure for the Summer Hot Fits.

    BTW you and I must have visited the same hair stylist ...

    thriftshopcommando.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's a style called sit still, sit still, sit still, Oh, well they
      ll grow out.

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  2. Oh my gosh I remember those bangs myself! lol sandie

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  3. My hair looked a lot like yours........yesterday....okay......a while ago. Hope you have a smiley day- xo Diana

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    1. LOL Diana. To this day when I trim my bangs, I never cut very much off. One oops and you're 8 again.

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  4. Hello Helen:
    Single handedly you, dearest Helen, make sure that we all see the sunny side of life. From what we can tell, your Martini glass is always half full, that is when it is not totally running over!!!

    Hoping that you have a wonderful weekend....wear your pink crinoline with pride...and a smile!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much Jane and Lance - you know what it means if my martini glass is half full... time for a refill! Where is that darling waiter with the cocktail shaker?

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  5. Replies
    1. They seem to strike a chord in one and all!

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  6. You should have seen my bangs, I had a cowlick on one side. I love looking at the old ads you come up with. I had that stove except mine was in avocado, however, our first home had a turquoise, wall oven, surface unit and sink. I was uptown.
    The moral of your post was right on!
    xo Ginger

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We had Harvest gold appliances. I like the softer colors sooooo much better. It seems everyone's bangs were a mess. I sure felt like the only one when I was a kid with a chunk out of my hair.

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  7. Lovin' your new apron and crinolines! I never had them... feeling kinda left out... I did however, have the bangs too:@)

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    1. It's never too late to have the crinoline of your dreams!! I had the sort of one that were whole slips from Sears that just had a full skirt with a few ruffles. Chalk another one up for the bangs gang!

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  8. Happy Pink Saturday!
    Pretty new apron!
    xo
    Olivia

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  9. When the temps soar...we might just get a little cranky! But you always stay 'cool' and funny! My mother cute my bangs just like that...or maybe it was YOUR mother! heehee! Enjoy your weekend...leave the fan running!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks! My mom used pinking shears! She thought it was prettier. You can see she was wrong.

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  10. Helen, I think our moms went to the same hair dressing academy, to use the term loosely.

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    Replies
    1. On our mom's behalf, I do think as kids we might have wiggled a little while they were doing their hairdressing best.

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  11. You mean that's not how kids' bangs are supposed to look? I thought it was some kind of rite of passage.

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    Replies
    1. There are variations, the big chunk out of the middle, the super short so they don't have to be done for a while, the one side shorter than the other....

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  12. Dear Helen, I believe you have a little there was a little girl in your past. I am past being cranky I wish I did have that fab stove.
    Cathy

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    Replies
    1. Past being cranky? WHEN DOES THAT HAPPEN? I am in awe of you! I want that stove too.

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  13. I love your sense of humor! Visiting from Pink Saturday.

    Wedding Anniversary Pink, your comment will mean so much!

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  14. Oh,Helen,I do love you so!!!

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    Replies
    1. THanks Lynn! You make me so much less cranky too!

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  15. Sorry, but you folks with nice calm, smooth hair have nothing, nothing to complain about. A childhood with curly hair in the seventies and eighties, now that is worth being traumatized by.

    I have made it my personal mission to make cranky people smile and little old ladies laugh. Unless you have a motorcycle with an illegal exhaust system that can be heard two miles away, then I will kill you in your sleep if given the chance.

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    1. I'd like to see that little old lady with the illegal motorcycle - that would put you in a quandary! I think unstraight hair would be perfect for the 80s - I spent most of that decade getting perms!

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  16. Hysterical! I'm going to start calling my husband "Hubby Hartman"!

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  17. Happy Pink Saturday Dear Helen! Your post made me laugh. I found your gift to your cousin very amusing. What is that angel about to do to the cute little donkey? The angel has its hand raised above the little donkey's behind as if to give it a whack! LOL Joyous Wishes, Linda

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    1. Her grandsons think the angel is having to do just that. I think he's seen someone he knows and is saying - Hey, It's me - over here behind the donkey!

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  18. That poodle is the best thing ever!!! Are you sure we're not sisters? I had the same fringe! x

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    1. It must be a rite of passage, every girl had her bangs issues. The poodle is soooo very sad eyed 60s, I can imagine it would fit right in with your wall of misery.

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  19. The only thing worse than wearing those bangs was having them cut by Aunt Ileene with a razor blade. No silly scissors for her...she was considered the "go to" hairstylist in our family, probably because she had been successfully dying her hair jet black since the 60's (1960's not her 60's.) I remember being terrified every time I had to sit in the kitchen with a towel around my neck and let her start cutting! Yikes!!

    PS Linda M. -- Your guess is as good as mine on the angel and the donkey. Absolutely no idea what the artist was trying to convey there :)

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    1. I think Aunt Ileene was done with hair by the time we lived close enough for her to get to me. But it's not surprise why, once I hit Jr High, that I grew my bangs out!

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  20. Those bangs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am sick with laughter!!!!

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    Replies
    1. That was actually one of the better years for bangs!

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  21. That was a cute photo of you- the bangs! Have a great Sunday:)

    Visiting from Pink Saturday- hope you can stop by..

    http://www.sweetposh.info/2012/08/new-hello-kitty-shoes.html

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    Replies
    1. Will be by to say hello back, thanks for the visit.

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  22. The long pieces in your bangs CAUGHT my attention RIGHT AWAY! *hehehe* Awwww (Thank Goodness your Mom didn't give you a bowl cut.
    The funny fact is I still have those bangs (Well pretty much) =p

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    1. I bet yours are all the same length! The Funniest part is my mom always took me to a beauty parlor for hair cuts but cut my bangs herself. So I often had nice hair and wonky bangs.

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  23. Loved that fancy schmancy bang hair cut. I've had a few of those myself and have the photos to prove it.

    You are right about making the most of the days we are living.

    Enjoy the rest if your weekend!
    Leann

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  24. When I look in the mirror, I see the past all over my face. I'm actually thinking about chopping some bangs across my forehead to hide those furrows and wrinkles that seem to be spotlighted in my mirror. Who says those old hairdos can't solve problems...if not, there's always the pineapple halo...that should cover up something.

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  25. Living in the now is very good advice, but I just can't help myself & take sneak peeks into the past (I swear I could live just like an old black & white movie & be quite content). Speaking of past, come on by the blog today... couldn't help myself. lol.
    Danielle ~ http://awonderfullifeinfullframe.blogspot.ca/

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  26. Yes, mam! If I had a Pink Crinoline, I'd laugh everyday, too! I LOVE it!

    Oh, and my mom must have taken the same bang cutting class as your mom...

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  27. I just saw this post and you are so cute!!! Some people have all the luck!
    xo

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