Dear Helen Hartman,
Aaaack! Everywhere I go these days it seems like people are hot, cranky and rude. It has me really feeling the love for simpler times like you highlight in your blog. Pretty please with sugar on top, share some tips on how to make life a little more civilized.
Dear Feelin’ the Love-d One,
Be prepared to lose that lovin’ feeling becauseHelen does not believe in sugar coating anything.
|Spoiler Alert: Actual 'Reducing Diet Menus' work better WITHOUT sugar.|
In fact if the worst thing anyone says about me is: 'That Helen is hot, cranky and rude.' I would be… well, I’d be suprised.
|Except for the HOT part, of course. Baby, I was born that way. It might have been because of the way my mom dressed me. Or her expert bang cutting technique.|
Yes, it is tempting to want to jump in the Tempus Frigedarius
|The Preferred Time Travel Appliance of the Discerning Retronaut|
...and travel back to a time when cooler and - better coiffed heads - prevailed.
So tell me, um, when would that be?
|Back to a time when THIS was the range of emotions advertising geniuses ascribed to a the typical housewife in need of a little over the counter pill a few days out of the month? They completely left out klutzy, ravenous and homicidal|
Don’t even get me started. No, I mean it, questions like this really wind me up and the next thing I know I am in jeopardy of taking off my halo and skimming it at you Odd Job style.
|Do you have any idea the kind of nasty knot a halo to the noggin can leave? Yes, Helen's halo IS made of pineapple rings in JELL-O. What did you expect? SPAM?|
Yes, I realize that was a bit snarly but we are, after all, in what people call the dog days of summer. You’re lucky I didn’t release my inner bitch.
|What? It’s a legit dog term. You thought I meant...?|
Has anyone told you that you have a dirty mind? I like that about you.
After a long, hot summer most people's bark may be worse than their bite.
|Is this adorable? Or is it creepy? Helen can't decide but she had to have it. She's calling it Creepdorable.|
There is no magical era when everything was better but there is always time for YOU to make things better now.
Bob Newhart (and I can’t find the quote so am paraphrasing) said that if you have the gift to be able to make people laugh it is your moral obligation to do so.
Helen doesn’t like to brag on herself… but let’s just say she strives daily to be a very ‘moral’ person in that respect.
|One of my 'moral' choices - a naked angel and white donkey I gave to my cousin Pat. How could I not get extra points in heaven for sharing this gem???|
One of the nicest things Hubby Hartman ever said to me was – “I have not known you a single day that you haven’t laughed.”
You want to make life more civilized? Don’t look to the past, look in a mirror.
|See what I saw in the mirror? Pretty new apron and my new PINK CRINOLINE! (A Pink Saturday Surprise!)|
Find what's good now, even if you have to peek under a few layers. Think about what you can do to make life better for those around you.
If you don’t know where to start, start with Helen. Don’t ask questions that try her patience or else she may turn the Tempus Frigidarius into a
Eeyorius Gluteus Maximus Mythos Volcanos!
|Helen’s translation – a place to throw your whiny behind into a mythical fiery pit|
Like they say - the good old days are now - make the most of them!