Friday, August 24, 2012

Get His Papers!


Dear Helen Hartman,
I met a man recently that I already think is my 'one and only'.  Problem is my friends keep telling me he's more like a 'one, if only'.  Like 'if only' I knew more about him than he makes my heart sing. And 'if only' he could explain why when I Google him I keep getting sent to sites like "Bad Baby Daddy.com" and You Tube videos of grown men leaping around in Speedos with buckets on their heads. Can't be him, right?
I contend that learning all about each other part of the thrill of being a newlywed. Love to know what you think about whirlwind courtships and how soon is too soon to say "I do".

Dear Love-is-Blind-But-Google-Sees-All'd One,
How soon should you say "I do"? That depends entirely on what you are saying "I DO" to!

For example it is NEVER TOO SOON to say I DO to the question - who wants cake?
Happy Pink Saturday to you...
Though I do suppose you are right, nothing can compare to the thrill of finding out your hasty hubby has driven you into debt buying banana hammocks and SpongeBob Squarepants sand pails for all his weirdo pals instead of paying child support.

Psst -Don't get icing on your veil, I want to wear it later as a cape. That'll knock the wind out of a whirlwind romance for ya right there!
But to be fair

And you KNOW Helen is the fairest of them all . Bwahahahahahaha 

Helen really should recuse herself from rendering advice on this topic since she married Hubby Hartman after only knowing him 3 months. What can I say? We were young, we didn't have any emotional baggage yet.

We didn't even have an emotional dope kit  - though in pursuing years Hubby Hartman has done enough dopey stuff that if we married today we might need an emotional suite of matching luggage.
Oh, all right, Helen might have a train case of dopiness but she also has a mink coat of virtue and the expression of a woman who knows she could win most arguments with a single look.

So I am turning to dear friend Stephanie Bond,(go on, click the link to her website, it's what any well-mannered person would do) a brilliant author and wonderful friend of many years 


Glam, yes? Well, she is.
who wrote an article after doing some research for her spectacular book Our Husband (just one of her many, many funny, sexy and sometimes suspense-filled books). So will let her give some actual advice (Of course I can't help commenting) 
Joining Thrifty Things Friday because if you do some looking you'll see Our Husband is on sale! 

10 Documents You Should See Before You Marry Him
by Stephanie Bond
    Becoming engaged will be one of the most exhilarating experiences of your life. Yet most brides-to-be are so enamored with the trappings of engagement—the consultations, the fittings, the gifts—they forget that the purpose of a wedding engagement is to ‘try on’ the prospect of being married to the man who proposed. Maybe you met him over the Internet two weeks ago. Maybe you’ve known him since college. Maybe you’ve worked together for five years. Regardless, how much do you truly know about the man to whom you’re betrothed? Trust makes for a special bond, but blind trust makes for unwelcome surprises. To ensure you know pertinent details about your intended, and vice versa, consider planning a private paper-swap party with your man to review the following documents (some of which you’ll have to produce to get the marriage license anyway):

  1.  Income tax return.  Does he have income sources you're unaware of, or a huge tax debt?  Is he claiming dependents you know nothing about?

I don't care WHAT certain presidential candidates tell you, sometimes you gotta peek into a few loopholes to get the whole picture.

  2.  Credit report.  Even if you plan to keep your finances separate, you'll be responsible for half of his debt in the event he doesn't/can't pay.
  3.  Driver's license.  Does he have medical restrictions for driving?  Points taken off for traffic violations?  Is he an organ donor?

"I knew you were old, Floyd, but this driver's license is on papyrus!"

  4.  Diplomas.  Just to be sure.
  5.  Résumé.  Are there gaps in his employment history?  Inconsistencies in his education detail?


He's handsome enough and a snappy dresser, but I wouldn't hire this guy to walk my dog!
  6.  Social security card.  Does the number cross-check with his credit report?
  7.  Birth certificate.  Was he born where he said and when he said?
  8.  Divorce decree/Custody agreement.  Obligations, financial and otherwise, to his previous partners and children will greatly impact your life.

"Your playing stinks, Mavis"
"That's because Mommy gave Daddy the piano in the divorce so now I can only practice when I visit him and that man-stealing skank he married."

  9.  Pay stub.  Does he have medical insurance?  Retirement savings?  Are his wages being garnished? 
 10.  Results of last physical/STD tests.  Ignorance is not bliss--in fact, it can be fatal.


Of course none of these will tell you what it's like to share a bathroom with him so Helen suggests one more piece of paper - blueprints for a house with his and hers sinks. 

    Revel in your engagement, but not under the veil of false security. Walk into your marriage with eyes wide open, and that other document—your marriage certificate—is more likely to sustain the test of time.   



Helen again - isn't Steph brilliant? You KNOW Helen would have anything less in a friend (and readers, yes, I'm talking about YOU!)
Wishing you a weekend filled with LOVE and maybe some escapist reading after checking all that paperwork, Loved Ones!

Joining Between Naps on the Porch link party today!
and Wow Us Wednesday

44 comments:

  1. Excellent (and very funny) advice...now if you'll excuse me I need to clean my monitor. Again.

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    1. LOL - think of it as your dose of monitor maintenance and Helen is your coach.

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  2. Gaps in employment history are the worst!!! Men with those must be avoided at all cost! :)

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    1. Esp if they are thinking you're going to support them in the next gap and the next one and the next...

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  3. My sister met a guy on Match.com and the next thing we knew she was sending him money in North Africa to save him and his son from beatings (pics emailed) this was after he said his bank loans (in Vegas) were being held up and he would love to come see her if only she could help him with a small loan to hold him over until the problems could be resolved. You'd think a grown woman would be suspicious...not! =D

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    1. Your sister must be a very kind-hearted person...unfortunately, the most kind of people can't imagine someone else lying just to rip them off, so they're susceptible to low-life con men! Ugh, I hope she reported the leech to Match.com

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    2. Yikes, Shirley! That's scary that people are so rotten as to take advantage like that.
      Great advice. Steph, thanks for coming by!

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  4. Hahaha! I'm living in sin for a reason! x

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    1. Well, you know what Helen thinks? If it doesn't seem sinful, you probably ain't doing it right!

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  5. I married Hubby #1 after knowing him for 6 weeks. We were 18 and 19...and while he's still one of the nicest men I've ever known, after 7 years of marriage, we realized we had grown up and had absolutely nothing in common. I'm all for romance, but common sense isn't a bad idea either.

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    1. Common sense seems to be lacking when it comes to love. Still 7 years is a nice run and let you grow up so you could become the fab person you are now!

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  6. Oh, this is the best post I've read in ages! I absolutely loved it - and all the vintage pix (and your captions). But you did forget to ask one thing... does he leave the seat up, and does he put the cap back on the toothpaste? (OK, two things).

    Happy Pink Saturday, and thanks for the best laugh I've had in quite a while.

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    1. The great seat up debate, yes, that's a big deal. We have our own toothpaste to avoid hissy fits.

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  7. Bwahaha!!! There is a reason I kicked my husband out 24 years ago and have never taken on another :)

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  8. Oh yes, very good advise and I'm thinking that Stephanie's Pre Marriage 101 should be required for every couple thinking about gettin' hitched. Love this post, the two of you make a great team!!

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    1. Thanks Betsy - if only I could get lots of other people to write the posts for me and I would just make snarky remarks. That's a thing, right?

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  9. Ah "love" the secret ingredient in bad decisions:@) Good advice!

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    1. LOL - I LOVE your sense of humor, not a bad decision at all.

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  10. Great advice! lol I only dated MyHero for 30 days before we got married- that was 37 LONG years ago!;>) xo Diana

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    1. Awwww. I knew you were like me, a love at first-sighter.

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  11. I know whenever I visit your blog I will be laughing and smiling in no time - you are definitely the cure to a "bad" day - thanks for the silliness!! Hope you have a fun Pink Saturday!

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    1. Thanks, Robyn. HPS to you too - loved your accordion albums, btw.

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  12. LOL, every time I visit your blog, I find myself leaving with a big smile! Thanks for the chuckles, and have a great weekend, Nan

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    1. Everytime I see a nice comment like that and angel gets it's wings. Yes, Helen has a direct line to angel central. Did you think otherwise?

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  13. aahh did make me chuckle this post but sound advice to. I have been with my partner well it will be 18 months when we marry in December but i know he is the one ;-)) Have a great weekend, dee x

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    1. Sweetie I've followed your romantic adventures via your blog and you are a blessed wifey to be! Wishing you every happiness.

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  14. great advice for today's woman! when we married we had our birth certificates and social security cards, but barely had driver's licenses and diplomas! we married at 19 and have been happily married for 30 years (31 in Oct). we didn't have many papers or baggage to bring along ... we were high school sweethearts ... i tried but couldn't dig up much about his past in grade school .... just that he kissed a red head on the playground and had a crush on his 5th grade teacher ... i just keep an eye on him around older women and red heads!

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    1. Hahaha - love your youthful sleuthing Margie! Yes, those red heads can be dangerous at any age.

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  15. Well, Helen, your post did indeed bring a smile to my face. In today's world, it doesn't hurt to check him out. My son and his little wifey married after only ten months of dating. He loved her on sight and so did we. It was rocky for a while and in fact they almost broke up twice! But things are wonderful now {so thankful too since there are three little ones involved}.
    My hubby and I went together for four years before we walked down the aisle. We knew what we were getting and after forty years, we would marry each other all over again because we're perfect together! We know we are blessed and we are best friends! Happy Pink Saturday and enjoy your weekend.

    Blessings,
    Sandi

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    1. Thanks Sandi - I love hearing other's love stories. It seems that a lot of people didn't do their homework before setting up house - and sometimes it worked out pretty good. I would be much smarter now - maybe people were more innocent 20+ years ago when I said I DO.

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  16. Let's not forget, if he's an idiot in front of the world online, he'll be worse behind closed doors. Two letters, FB. It is a very, very scary place.

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    1. Am always shocked at what some people put on Twitter and FB. GMA had a story on wedding night photos - racy photos of man and wife on their honeymoon and the younger 'expert' they asked about it said she'd not just have them done she'd post them online!

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  17. In these 'modern times' we really do need a lot of information before saying I do....even for the pretty pink cake. It can save a lot of heartache later on. Make sure....take you time and make sure it's what you expect!

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  18. PS And why should you take my advice? I'm older and wiser! heheehee!

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    1. Oh if THAT's the criteria we're going on, then everyone better start doing what Helen says cuz she's older and wiser and has NOT taken her time enough to learn things the hard way!

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  19. Such fun! Hopping a little late from Pink Saturday.

    My PINK, come and see when you get a chance.
    Have a lovely Sunday!

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    1. I always love your Pink Saturday entries no matter when they arrive!

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  20. Fabulous post Helen. I got married the first time when I was way too young. I am now happily married to a wonderful man. Who knew at age forty I would find such bliss. I thought it not possible. Lovely to be surprised by happiness.

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    1. Congrats on finding the one and thanks for coming by!

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  21. Wonderful post. I am pinning it in hopes that it may save some damsel a lot of heartache and perhaps her life. I so wish that my sister had followed your advice, perhaps she would have seen what a liar and thief she was marrying. Not only was he a liar and thief, but he was also a murderer. After he murdered my sister, we discovered that wives #1 and #2 had "died" any identical accidents!

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    1. Oh no, What a heart wrenching tale. I am so sorry for your loss.

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  22. Totally awesome post! Great advice. And I have to say, that first picture is beyond adorable!! Thank you for joining us at TTF and have a terrific day!

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