Thursday, September 20, 2012

Orange you Glad You Asked?



Dear Helen Hartman,
I am a diehard DIYer and wonder why you never do tutorials, make-overs and things that some other bloggers do. You claim to have all the answers so why be so stingy with teaching us how to do what you do? What about showing us that kind of love, huh?

Dear Loves To Tell Helen What to Do One,
Message? Received.  Mind? Boggled.

Not since Helen found this offer has her mind been this boggled. No, not even the time my trashy neighbor Teresa borrowed my off-white full length Opera gloves with pearl buttons and returned to me a pair of off brand quarter length cotton gloves with snap closures. Snaps, people! 
Helen does not claim to have all the answers. People just naturally draw that conclusion because, you know, she does.

People just can't wait to report to Helen how her evil schemes  well advised suggestions turn out!


And as for learning how to do what Helen does?


How do we respond whenever someone thinks they can do what Helen does, Suzie? The same way we do when Daddy tries to tell us it's not saving money to buy more stuff just for the Green Stamps!

Now that we have that established, let me tell you something that may surprise you about Helen


 "The instructions say to start sticking down the fake wood tile in the middle of the room."
"We don't read any stinkin' instructions. Just stoke up on sugar, suck down some helium from a party balloon so we can talk funny then peel the stuff and slap the tiles down wherever."

She does not DIY well with others. Or at all. In fact were I to describe myself it would be as a DYEhard because the only thing I do myself with any proficiency is coloring my hair.

... as a punishment for unpure thoughts about Bob Villa.

I did think about sharing all the work we are doing around the house lately. The men are handling redoing the basement floor, taking up carpet, laying tile, etc. Leaving Helen in charge of the rest.

Helen only agreed because she thought they said she could 'just rest' also, she was duped into thinking  changing the house would be foolproof. She proved them wrong!

I did my daughter’s grown up room in a soft blue but are planning something wild for the steps to the basement…

This is how the finished basement looks in my imagination. Only with a better table. And art. And... oh heck, I just want a clean space with that rug, that ottoman, couch and fireplace.

The only thing I can share about this process follows:
No matter how many lovely, subtly different shades of bittersweet, pumpkin, or vibrant day lily on display at the store, you seem to always come home with ORANGE.

If that shade of green is anybody's
perfect color' I do not want to see what their house looks like. 

No matter how careful you are with paint, you will find it on the rug, the opposite wall, your shoes and inside your clothes.

I think they got these wrong - the chauffeur should be wearing the spiffy red outfit and the house painting hat lady should be naked.

Everyone who still wants to be like Helen, raise your hand.


Me... I guess.

Well it ain’t happening. Helen is like the Highlander, there can only be one. And she is covered in orange paint. 

Joining Thrifty Things Friday because these images came from a 1961 Ladies Home Journal that I got for a DOLLAR!

31 comments:

  1. Ha! Brilliant advice! I love DIYing although I'd hate anyone to examine my work closely. Even my hair's a bit patchy! x

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    Replies
    1. LOL - I adore DIY blogs but all I can D is a mess. Y? I don't know.

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  2. Yep, naked painting would solve a lot of problems.

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    1. I KNOW! It would mostly keep my kids from coming over and asking me if the paint is dry and how much longer it's going to take!

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  3. Hello Helen:
    Tango Orange is not a colour with which we are overly familiar, we have to say. Indeed, we rather think that it is best left on a Satsuma rather than an interior wall of the house. Still, we are all for diversity in life and if anyone can 'do' orange then surely, dearest Helen, it must be you!

    We have long since abandoned any thought of DIY so, please, no tutorials on changing a tap washer for us. It took a while to realise that when we embarked upon DIY schemes with the foolish notion of saving money, the final cost was crippling and always involved professionals correcting our mistakes. we shall look forward, however, to seeing your redecorated home which we are sure will be sunshine sweet!!

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    1. Sadly when I DIY it's not so much as a cost saving measure as it is me wanting to be in control of every aspect.

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  4. Greetings from San Antonio.
    Thank you for commenting on my comment about putting a bra on the cats head making him look Amish (many post ago). Now to matters at hand....my daughter and I are painting every room in my house. It seems every color I pick out is a "closet pink". Can't figure out why. Even when I buy those cute sample jars (at almost $3.00 each),
    the actual paint (at $30.+) is a totally different color with a pink inkling. ARRRGH!

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    1. I have begun to believe that those paint samples are just to pacify and fool us. There are really only 12 color with some variations for good measure. I mean it, this is the 2nd orange we have tried - One was Nickelodeon Orange, the other was supposed to be nature-y and it's the SAME color.

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  5. Naked house painting...Wonder what the chances are that it might turn into an Olympic event someday?

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    1. Given how much my muscles ache and the bruises I've gotten from painting, it's definitely an athletic event!

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  6. If only I could just dye everything in my living room green and purple, I would live in complete bliss.

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  7. I love all this stuff! I especially remember the S&H green stamps and putting them in the book for my mom.

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    1. Our first year of marriage everyone gave us their green stamps because by then NOBODY wanted to mess with them (it was in the last year or so that they had them) and we bought all our Christmas presents with them!

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  8. OMG-those girls paid MONEY to have their hair look like that?!?!? Mine looks like that naturally and I fight it every day, ugh:@)

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    1. I think most of us fight our hair everyday - but it was chemical warfare back then with all that dye and perming, and spray and Dippity DO

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  9. Oh my gosh!! You are so DANG funny! I bet family reunions are fun at your place!! Thanks for making me smile.

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    1. Thanks - Family get togethers are pretty boisterous. We've been blessed with so many reason to laugh!

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  10. Sounds like orange is like gray in that the color on the paint sample never looks the same on the wall. And as of right now, I'm contemplating a beautiful shade of corally-orange for my next project...

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    1. Good luck with it. I LOVE having orange in my house. Not tons but some of my steps are orange and part of the basement rec room.

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  11. I have now had my belly laugh for the day. Now I can sleep. Thank you! Nitey night!

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    1. Cool. It is good to go to sleep laughing - that's why I always end the day looking at myself in my undies in the mirror.

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  12. I just have to walk past a tin of paint to be speckled...

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    1. I keep finding splotches of orange in place I didn't even know were exposed to paint! Good to know there are other paint attracters out there.

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  13. If the foolproof home dying means it's proof that I'm a fool, then, yes, I am. And the green stamps mother's boy seems to be sipping a gigantic margarita. Those were the days.

    You crack me up!!! I love your words of wisdom.

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    1. Yes, I remember the days when my mother gave me a margarita to shut me up while shopping and nobody judged.

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  14. I am so going and buying up all the Rit Dye! to think I had been looking for new furniture and all I had to do was dye it! Thank you for joining TTF this week. Have a fantastic weekend!

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  15. My MIL was always dyeing her curtains. I never had any luck with the stuff. Funny post, Helen! Bob Vila?? ha ha!!

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    1. My mom loved Rit Dye. I hardly got it to work well enough to tie dye stuff!

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  16. No matter how hard we try we will never be like Helen! Nope, ain't happenin. Don't think I'll ever be covered in orange paint. I couldn't handle anything painted orange. Orange ya glad?
    Hugs,
    Jann

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