Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Saints Misbehavin'?

Dear Helen Hartman,
Help! Everywhere I turn some ‘celebrity’ is telling me how to live my life. Not that I asked. I cannot stand one more gazillionaire money guru, under 40 femme fatale, or nannied-up nincompoop ‘sharing’ their sure thing formula for living on a budget, looking fab and raising perfect kids. And don’t get me started on all the stuff they supposedly ‘design’ for us average folks.  Dear Helen, give me some advice I can really use – point me in the direction of some role models that real people can really believe in and love to learn from.

Dear Loved One,
I suppose I should be more than a bit miffed that you asked Helen to direct you to trustworthy advisers when the answer to your question is so clear. Who can you trust to run your life better than yourself? Helen, of course. You're welcome. 

Helen can see she has a LOT Of work to do here!
Oh, all right. I understand what you are asking.
 You mean BESIDES Helen where does one turn to for a FABULOUS Role Model.

Yes, technically these are biscuit models but Helen has been wanting to share the joy of Fluffo with you all for far too long. Yellow lard that is "just as digestible as it looks"?  This is the key to joy in the kitchen and harmony in the home I have no doubt.

Personally, I was blessed to have many role models in my family Mama Maxine, Aunts Ruth, Betty, Ileene, Oleeva and countless friends of my mom, and moms of my friends.

But let’s face it, sometimes you gotta set your sights a little higher.

I resent that. What higher authority could you possibly go to than your Aunt Ruth?

Or at least in a different direction because the places your dreams are taking you are not the same as those of your natural mentors. This looks like a job for:
 Helen Hartman’s Celebrity Saints Squad.

Not actual religious saints, mind you, not even Helen can canonize folks like that – unless she could use a real cannon

What'd I do to deserve this? All I said was that them Fluffo biscuits just looked the same as the other biscuits, just a more cleaned up photo. 

By that I mean people in the public eye who have lived remarkable lives and left something worth emulating(and who are no longer with us and therefore are probably not going to get up to some nonsense to totally undo all the good stuff they accomplished in their lifetimes).

Saints Assemble! 

OH, right, Saints Assemble. Like I'm supposed to drop everything and do your bidding. Some of us gots day jobs, you know? Mine is selling soap as an elixir of love. You expect me to jeopardize this sweet gig so you can show me off to your pals? 
Wait, hold up, I don’t have time or room for all my so-called saints (and some of them are frankly being re-evaluated as I type) now so let’s just start with the top 4 in no particular order:


Life itself is the proper binge. 
Julia Child 


When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'. 
Erma Bombeck 

If you obey all the rules you miss all the fun. 
Katharine Hepburn 


It's a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy. 
Lucille Ball 
When I paint myself into a pickle…

No I did not say that wrong. Believe me, Helen has done much worse things than that and when you do that kind of thing you are going to want the likes of Lucy and Julia on your side! So when that happens, Helen always knows where to turn for cooler heads, wittier comebacks, and harebrained ideas. How about you?

Well, I AM feeling 40% Zippier today....

No, Helen is not suggesting turning to you. Helen loves you but you have yet to prove yourself a shining example to humanity… or make me a delicious Boeuf Bourguignon in a crazy get up (and I KNOW You have crazy get ups. I’ve seen what you wear to Walmart, sweetie) 

It's the hat, right? The hat puts it right over the top. I thought as much.

But I would love to know – who would YOU put on your fantasy celebrity saint squad? I think who you chose will say a lot about you (and may be used against you in a court of law, just so you know).

Joining Wow Us Wednesday


  1. It's really too bad I didn't have some Fluffo when I baked my dog's Birthday cake this weekend. I had to suffer with some Crisco.

    1. Fluffo would also be a good name for a dog!

  2. Hello Helen:
    We are making sure that Timea, our housekeeper, does not catch sight of the Fluffo since we can well imagine that this glorious sunshine yellow lard would find its way into everything. We do not want her to realise what she has been missing all these years, it would simply make her sad and us fat!

    We do not approve of 'celebrity culture' and so cannot possibly make any of them our role models. However, when we lived in the countryside, we had a neighbour, Betty, and she was everything we felt that a saint of a housewife should be. She always had a cake at the ready, her fridge was always fully stocked with all manner of goodies, she could produce dinner parties for forty without batting an eyelid, her hair was permanently perfect, her nail varnish was never chipped and her house and garden were always immaculate......she confirmed in our minds what lazy tarts we really are!!!!!

    1. LOL - I have to say that saints that make us feel lazy seems quite fitting! I agree with the celeb culture, which is one reason my favs are hard working gals who had some smarts and maybe got dealt some harsh blows in life that shaped them into the women they were.

  3. I'll try not to read the comments...I don't want to copy! But the first person that comes to mind is Robin Roberts. I really think she is a modern day role model and I'm learning a lot from her. She is a special lady that I wish I knew in person. I'm on her team!

    1. I LOVE her. She really is an inspiration and I try to keep up with her health almost daily. I want her to have a good recovery.

  4. you picked some top notch role models for sure but i agree with lavender dreamer and would add robin roberts to the mix. i met her in an airport once and she is absolutely lovely to look at and talk to in person. which is a digression from your wonderful post which, as always, i love. xo

    1. She really is an admirable person. Her whole family is so impressive, too.

  5. Cher, without a doubt, Justin Wilson. Oooo-EEEEE, dat's sum good!

  6. I would have to add Carol Burnett to your great list!

    1. I adore her. She is so funny and brave. Her life story is so inspiring. Can you tell I love a memoir or biogrophy?

  7. This is my first time here to comment. You and I Ms.Helen have the same Saints. I would like to add a poet: Jenny Joseph, she wrote "Warning" I Believe you will like it. Also; (although some may not agree and"bless your hearts") Katie Couric. Her book: "The Best Advice I Ever Got" is well,Just Great and a keeper...Hello from a fan and neighbor in Alabama :)

    1. Hello Mary! Thanks for commenting. I haven't read Katie's book, she sure does seem upbeat. I've never heard of Jenny Joseph - will google today!

  8. The other Hepburn, Audrey, was always a lady. She said something famous about smiling and beauty. In my dreams I want to be Audrey.

    1. YES! I can't believe I didn't think of her. She was awesome in so many ways.

  9. I applaud your choices, especially Lucy, and nominate the late and lamented Phyllis Diller, who's words ring true to this day: "If you let your kids write in the dust on the furniture, don't let 'em write the year."

    1. Love the Diller quote. She was a groundbreaker for sure!

  10. awww....love it!! We would add Doris Day & Audrey Hepburn as well :)


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