Thursday, September 27, 2012

The Book of Love?


Dear Helen Hartman,
Did the course of true love ever run smooth? My current bf would rather keep things just as they are, a permanent state of ‘going steady’. I want the whole she-bang, the ring, the gorgeous white dress, veil, bridesmaids, cake.  Please tell me that someone is out there who still believes in Love and the fabled happily ever after.


Dear Loves Love Loved One,
Helen is tempted to ask if you understand that marriage is more than the ring, the dress and the cake?

Forget adorable illustrations and budget bridal guides, you will not get a lot of wear out of your wedding clothes. Also if you over spend on the big day, at some point you will have to have food other than cake. Probably round balls of something that's mostly filler. YUM.

People have been questioning the institution of marriage since, well, since it became an institution.

You think that's frosting? No, that's foam from the fire extinguisher they had to use to get the bride and groom to stop screaming at each other. It was 1967 so I think the fight was about whether to make love or war. 

Yes, that’s right 1967. It wasn’t the innocent time that we have been lead to believe. Oh sure, instead of Real Housewives in New York we had this girl:

Okay, bad example. I'd take Ann Marie over any Housewife ever anywhere.

And people took marriage seriously

Look Who's Coming To Dinner was a movie mile marker but apparently the real issue was what the heck do you marry with canned soup to make it edible?

Seriously, y’all. This was the year Elvis and Priscilla got married, and you know that lasted for… okay, I get why this was the year of the paper wedding dress.

Does this giant bow I made front an entire roll of paper towels make my butt look like it belongs to an escaped mental patient? Yes and the pantaloons made from bubble wrap aren't helping either.

How does this info help you find a bf who will go along with your plans without questioning them?

I don't want to hear your whining, Mr. Right. Just hold the umbrella and keep your wedding cake hole shut until you say "I DO".

Read this book and find out.

Click here to learn more. Why are you still here? Helen said CLICK

No, it doesn’t have the answer but it does have a very bossy bride, a nutty family and not one, but two men who would not be caught dead dressed like a sex offender at a school gym.

Okay, ONE Of the guys would dress like this but then, we all have one of THOSE guys in our past, right?

Yes, once again someone has come to Helen for help and Helen has managed to make it about her. Woo-hoo! Another win!
 Honestly, I think you or someone you know who can loves to read and owns a KINDLE will fall in love with it.

Today Helen decides if she should start writing a sweet romance for the editor who is waiting for her to send something or go rogue and begin a Helen Hartman series of retro romances that she’s been thinking about or… caaaakkke...

Doesn't this cake just say PARTY TIME? Literally, it says Party Time. If your reading level isn't up to cake how are you reading this?

38 comments:

  1. Hello Helen:
    Make it retro romance!!!! The meringue dress, the innocence of the virgin bride,the dashing groom who sought permission to marry....oh yes, these are the makings of a real page turner. Whereas, the future, well, marriage may just become virtual or would be brides may be forced into wedlock with their computers. No, safer to look back on those golden days of cake mate and Ann Marie [we had Bunty!!]!!!

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    1. LOL - some days a virtual hubby might be a good idea - more cake for Helen!

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  2. Oh, the paper dolls of "Ann Marie" are so awesome! I used to love that show. What a cool find!

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    1. I couldn't believe when I found her - even though it didn't have all the clothes or the folder, it's so fun just to have Ann Marie around!

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  3. Combine the things you love....retro....romance! That would be the perfect series for you AND you need to be on all the covers!!! No one portrays the vintage lady better!

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    1. LOL _ that might be scary - Helen as a cover model, Fabio watch out!

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  4. Helen, I love your paper dolly. I have always said if couples would put as much time into working through their problems as they did getting the marriage started....people would be married a lot longer. It's not suppose to be a dang picnic everyday. Smiles, Susie

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    1. Susie, I think that needs to be something every engaged couple needs to memorize - It's not suppose to be a dang picnic every day! Love it.

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  5. I can see your dilemma. And I am no help at all, I'm thinking. Which one is calling you with a louder voice?

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    1. The problem is writing for Love Inspired would be a pretty sure sale so it's $ vs love - the battle most creative people face, huh?

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  6. A retro romance with a cake baker cliffhanger. You could call it........She Really Takes The Cake?

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    1. LOL - I think I'd gain a dozen pounds if I wrote about cake too much. Love that title.

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  7. I always enjoy your posts - a blast from my past anyway.

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  8. Wait 'til Little Miss sees your paper dolls. I introduced her to "That Girl" last year, and it was love at first sight. I wish more teenagers were watching here instead of, well, let's not name names.

    I just read one of your books for the first time, and had to order another one right away! YOU are the perfect person to do a "vintage romance". That's my kind of genre!

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    1. Thanks! Know what you mean about That Girl - with my kids it was Dick Van Dyke and Lucy they laughed and laughed and my son asked - if they could be this funny then why can't shows be this funny now?

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  9. I LOVED That Girl. I can still remember so many of the episodes. Do you remember when she was practicing to become a stewardess by balancing on a skateboard "thingy"? I tried to find a ringtone of That Girl, but there weren't any out there.
    The guy in the sports picture needs to find less clingy shorts to wear.
    I am REALLY enjoying the Dorsey sisters...can hardly wait to find out what happens to Nic and Sam and Willa.

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    1. I don't remember the stewardess but I remember the toe in the bowling ball! Oh, and when she was a spy with a banana camera (I hope that's right). Love her to this day!

      Thanks for the kind words about The Christmas Sisters.

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  10. I agree with Holly. That guy's shorts are disturbing.

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    1. I KNOW! But that was the norm. We saw a guy running in not quite that short shorts this week and kept thinking - what is wrong with him?

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  11. Say Yes to the Dress?! Bwa-ha-ha! That toilet paper bow does make her butt look like it needs a prescription. Again, hilarity. You really make my day. Wish I had a Kindle just to read your book! I vote for rogue.

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    1. Am I surprised you went Rogue? Not even one bit! I think YOU should style yourself a paper dress - bow optional, meds? Well, surprise us!

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  12. Who-hooo! I'm going to download it right now! I can't wait to read it, Annie/Helen!!!

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    1. Thanks - there's a glitch at Amazon right now so hoping it's available - kind of day I'm having who knows?

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  13. OOOOOHEHEHAHAHAHAOOOOOO......You are just full of it...wit I mean....You left out Love American Style tho. Ya can't have retro romance without mentioning that! I believe rogue is more your style...your editor probably expects it anyhoo.

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    1. I ADORED Love American Style - it was the raciest thing on TV back in the day!

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  14. Love your blog! Seriously...so much so that I'm your newest follower! Have a great weekend!

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  15. Dear Helen Hartman, I can always count on you for a giggle or two. This is a super funny post, lovin it too!
    You have a great weekend, I somehow know you will............

    ~Emily
    The French Hutch

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  16. Oh yes - do Retro Romance - I'd love that! Those RHONY? What a trashy bunch except maybe for the Princess. It's just too horrible not to watch! Thanks for the laugh and the memories. xo Nancy

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    1. LOL I Had to think what THONY were for a sec!

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  17. Ooohh!! "That Girl" was one of my very favorite shows! Marlo Thomas is now the narrator for a show on Discovery I.D. called "Happily Never After". She did a wild stint on "Friends" a few years back as Rachel Green's mom that was just hilarious. I just think she's the cat's pajamas! I have never watched any of the "Real Housewives" shows, but I'm sure "That Girl" beats 'em out every time! This post was, as always, a hoot! Thanks for the giggles, and have a great weekend!

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    1. Thanks, you have a great weekend right back!

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    2. Alycia - I can't seem to leave a comment for your blog! Will try again.

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  18. love and marriage - hard combination to beat!

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    1. LOL - though some have tried, and tried, and tried!

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  19. In today's world, I am not sure if people really know what the word LOVE means. So sad how many take marriage so lightly.

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    1. I so agree with you Ms. LV!

      Visiting from Pink Saturday.

      My PINK
      Have a fun weekend!

      Rose

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    2. But LOVE always wins out, y'all. It isn't going away. Isn't that the thing that lifts your heart?

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  20. Party Time...by Cake MATE - perfect ending to the whole wedding thing, smart girl! Better than worchestershire sauce and tomato soup! Here's to Marlo and Phil...and YOU! Thanks for the smiles, Helen...Tanya

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