Tuesday, October 30, 2012


Dear Helen Hartman,
It’s Halloween and there is something I would love to know. So give us a treat and do tell – what do you find spoooooooky?

Dear Loved-– BOO!

Did that scare you?

Can't scare ME. I have kids.

Come now, really? Helen afraid of ghosties and ghoulies and things that go bump in the night?


Those creeps should be scared of Helen


Honestly, Loved Ones, Helen did once live in a real live haunted house!


We've talked it over and think that should be a real undead haunted house.

It was when we were expecting our first child and we rented a house that our new kitty couldn’t quite settle into. He would be walking along and suddenly he’d arch his back and his hair would go up and he’d stare and hiss at nothing. Sometimes the whole house would be filled with the smell of fish frying and we couldn’t figure out why.

Think back, could it have been because Gene Tierney was paying you a visit?

A lot of little things went on but nothing too frightening until we started to turn the front bedroom into a nursery. Then the whole feel of the place changed. Literally.
That room went ice cold and nothing could warm it. That’s when the neighbors told us that the house had been owned by… Mr. Jefferies!

Holy crap on a cracker! Not MR JEFFRIES!

He lived alone after his wife died, loved to fish and never had children. And it seemed he wanted his house to stay child free. We moved soon after. How about YOU, Loved Ones? Have you ever played host to a ghost?


FYI The Ghost of Christmas Past doesn't count.

Let me leave you with some advice for Trick or Treat

On Halloween: FINE

Trick or Treat Smell my Feet, Give me something good to eat. Helen as Tinkerbelle - the later years when she is a waitress at the Hungry Croc 

Rest of the year: Busting into strangers homes demanding they smell your feet is grounds for a restraining order.

And remember - if Life gives you lemons, make lemonade but if the neighbor gives you crummy candy, make your sister eat it.


Happy Halloween!

31 comments:

  1. Santa with a pipe and smoke curling around his head like a wreath, charming. Santa smoking a pakc of Luckies, NO WAY! That's just wrong on so many levels!

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    1. LOL - I always thought Santa was a pipe man myself.

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  2. Santa smoking - crack me up! I had a haunted antique wardrobe. I did a ritual and it was cleansed. Weird or what? With that cigarette the red beret woman could be Santa's "special" helper... Nothing like a good toasted cigarette after a hard sleigh ride together. Mmm. Love you in your fairy costume! Happy Halloween!

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    1. Thanks. I love the smoking lady - she was the cover of a Christmas issue of Photography Magazine 1949. Yes, Christmas and smoking, two things you can't imagine without each other ;)

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  3. Happy Halloween to you too, Dear Helen Hartman. You just crack me up- I love all your old ads and the way you cleverly work them into your story- xo Diana

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    1. Thank you - your blog always brightens my day as well!

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  4. Those are some pretty snazzy wings and glasses there, Tink!

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    1. Thanks - had to lose the wings fast because I kept hitting people with them. I think I may wear the glasses every day.

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  5. Love those glasses!

    Yup, I've lived in a haunted house or three...some of them fun, some them not so much. As for Mr. Jeffries; I'd have left him a big plate of sauerkraut on the counter if he continued to be such a sour puss.

    So here is my question: The other day I was minding my own business as I left the store only to have an older 'gentleman' stand behind my vehicle and lecture me about having handicapped plates since I was obviously 'fat and sassy' and doctors handed out paperwork for said plates like candy. I did inquire if he thought morticians were better suited to make such a decision, whereupon he commented loudly about my supposed parentage and stalked off....thereby making it possible for me to leave the parking lot. Should I have engaged this obviously scripto person in conversation or should I have simply backed over him and kept on going, thereby making my day and subsequent demeanour a bit more pleasant?

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    1. Oooooh good question - will mull it over and answer the first of next week (will let you know the day I post it but probably Sunday night or Monday morning)

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  6. Look at Santa dragging on his fag! Brilliant, they don't make ads like they used to.
    I don't believe in ghosts but I've mentioned before on my blog about the spooky cat that freaks out our two, brushes past us on the stairs and disappears into thin air. x

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    1. EEEK! You live with a spirit and yet you don't believe in them? I thought everyone in your part of the world accepted spirits as a given thing - once on a ghostie show from the UK the host said People here don't ask if you have spirits in your home, they ask if the spirits are friendly!

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  7. blimey i went all cold when you said about the old man living there before its amazing how these spirits still hold onto their homes. Happy halloween, dee x

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    1. It got pretty bad, actually. They day my daughter came home heat and water went out - something had interfered with the lines underground!

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  8. You're a bloody pisser Helen, you give me stitches every single time!!! Mr Jefferies didn't want kids in his house and loved to fish? Well he certainly made that clear didn't he? Glad to hear you moved soon after. When I was pregnant with my second son (he was the first grandchild in my ex-hubby's family) a woman used to sit outside our bedroom on the couch in the lounge and sigh heavily. She also came and stood beside me while I was in bed. I didn't feel she was malevolent, just watching over me. MIL told me it was her grandmother who used to live in the house and she used to sigh a lot - heheeee!!

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    1. Wow - at least you had a friendly ghost. Love hearing the story.

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  9. Yep... our 100 year old Home is allegedly Haunted and most of the Locals won't go near the place... especially on Halloween! *LOL*

    Happy Halloween from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

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    1. Now there's an idea - start a rumor about a haunted house to make people leave me alone! I Like it!

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    2. Oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh - no hauntings in the house, but an experience in the old mine this summer. You girls have me in the mood to go downstairs and watch The Changeling (George C. Scott - best ghost story film EVER) today, while I iron...with the lights ON! Happy Halloween, Helen - Tanya

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    3. I cannot do scary movies much at all but of them all The FRighteners is my all time fav.

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  10. It is a known fact that Gene Tierney never expressed a favorite in the tuna category. She ate cat food.

    And yes, everyone should fear Helen! She knows ALL!

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    1. Bwahahahaha. Poor Gene Tierny. I don't even know who the heck she is and that will always haunt me!

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  11. Oh yes... we have had ghosts in previous homes. They scared the dickens out of me during my childhood. Thankfully I haven't seen any in years now.
    The smell of fish frying would be enough to make me move!!! *LMAO*
    I burst out laughing and your "OH NO NOT MR. JEFFRIES" picture.

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    1. I wondered what it would take to scare the Dickens out of you! Fish frying? What about lobster boiling?

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  12. Hello Helen:
    We would absolutely love to rummage in your dressing up box. You do really seem to have an outfit for every occasion and Tinkerbelle is a winner in our eyes.We should love to let our imaginations run wild and dress accordingly.....dinner parties at your house must be simply wonderful!!!

    One can only rarely find an English Country House which is not haunted, dearest Helen, so living with ghosts is part of being British in our book. As is eating the inedible,not heating our houses and stiffening the upper lip........now that really is scary!!!!!

    May all your tricks be treats this Halloween. Have fun!

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  13. I had heard that about British homes. Stay Calm and Scary On as it were!

    And yes, we have quite the dressing up closet - we punished those who came sans costume this year by allowing their children to chose 3 items from the vast array then sending the offenders into the close to concoct a costume to be judged by all.

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  14. Oh, I've definitely had my share of ghosts. My Great Aunt Rose scared one of my college roommates into quitting :)

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    1. Now THAT is a story I'd like to hear being told to her parents. Honest, a GHOST kept me from doing my homework!

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  15. My sister and I used to swap candy - thankfully she liked what I didn't and vice versa. Neither one of us, though, ever liked Good and Plenty, so that always got tossed...

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    1. I LOVE Good N Plenty. I hated Mary Janes.

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  16. I'm a weirdo, but I am TERRIFIED of those creeper bottomless toilets out in the woods. At girls camp growing up, I refused to use them. I would hold it until I was so sick my parents would come pick me up.

    CUTE picture by the way.

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