Monday, November 12, 2012

Wired!


Dear Helen Hartman,
I know this is not the world’s biggest problem but it’s bugging me. It’s my bra.  Most specifically it’s the wires in it. WIRES? In underwear? Whose idea was that? Today that pesky wire broke through and poked me so much I just took it off. I think ladies in the 1960s had it right. Burn those bras! Love for you to give the idea your stamp of approval.

Dear Unwired but still Loved One,
You want Helen to WHAT? Bug the world’s largest bra then set it on fire and stamp on it?

It's a bra you can live in. Really. It's as big as a tent.

Okay, clearly Helen is not in the mood to sort this out today. She has no idea who to blame for the engineering of women’s unmentionables but she knows who we are going to blame.

Meet the angel from Helen's shoulders - St Sluggo. She had to beef up because the devil was winning too many arguments! 

Am I saying the devil made them do it?
 No, I don’t care how many wings they put on Victoria’s Secret models Helen thinks the devil approves of those catalogs.

Come on, THIS is somebody's vision of hell, right? 

Nope, Helen’s motto is when things go wrong and you don’t know why, don’t be troubled - blame the other guy!

Me?

Yes, you El Moostachio. Really, did you have to ask?


But not Me!

Yes YOU. I don't know what worries me more, that you are smoking in a store or around that clearly flammable jacket. 

Even Me?

You know, I can't quite put my finger on it but there is something about YOU that I like.

As for setting underthings on fire? Helen does have a better idea. If your bra is uncomfy hie thee to a ‘fine department store’ or boutique and get a real fitting. You may find you are wearing the wrong size or style. 

As for getting Helen involved in a new bra burning movement? She’d rather be shopping. Especially when she finds things like these:

Howard Holt and a musical snowman - why is a big round lower half cute on a snowman but not so much on Helen?

I DO Love Lucy! And LIFE.

Oo la la indeed. Yes, a dresser box for ciggies with ashtrays on the side. That is one cool kitty!

I once heard a lesson saying when you are dealing with a difficult person or situation you should place your name in this Bible verse whenever you see the word LOVE. I Never get past the Helen is patient without bursting into laughter.
Helen will be re cooperating the next couple of days and can't wait to just sit and read blogs and comment and catch up. 
Have a Great week. 

36 comments:

  1. Hello Helen:
    Well, as one of us is a Mechanical Engineer [and it is not the one who wears the trousers] we have to say that the Physics of the brassiere is simply stunning. When one considers the loads to be carried and yet nothing heavier than the scantiest lace must be visible by way of support, the brassiere is a miracle of modern science. Never mind putting men on the moon, underwiring is the technology of which we should all be in awe!!!!

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  2. I'm blaming it on Grantland Rice! Who the hell IS Grantland Rice (I actually just googled him). Love that St. Sluggo has Popeye arms, and I love that you love Lucy. If you were here, I'd drive you 30 minutes to Boulder City...Desi Jr. and his wife, Miss Amy, own the old theater in town, where he still performs occasionally with some of his old cronies, and she stages dance performances (she's a REALLY great gal). He still looks the same, just grayer around the temples. Wow, did I get off track...Happy Veterans Day Monday, Helen. Hope your re-cooperation goes well! Tanya

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    Replies
    1. I KNOW! Now I want to go off in search of Grantland RIce! A poet and a sports writer. Hmmm.

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  3. LOL- I am often more in ugh than in awe of those wires. I rather wonder about the old days when underwear was an engineering marvel of thread and cloth and clasps. Of course, the end result was conical if not comical but still...

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  4. I was just reflecting that if I had all the money I have spent on the blasted contraptions that make me LOOK like I have boobs....well, I could buy BOOBS! lol

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    Replies
    1. So much smarter than MARRYING boobs as so many women do!

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  5. The guy who invented the underwire bra should have to wear underwire tidy-whities. Let him see how comfortable a piece of metal digging into his skin feels. I've had bruises on my sternum from those idiotic wires so I'm in favor of that guy having bruises on his....what-ever.

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    Replies
    1. LOL - yes, the new trend, the underwire athletic supporter!

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  6. Ooooh, you find such great goodies. Yes, bras were designed by the devil, along with stilletos.

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    Replies
    1. Can a girl in flats, footwear and otherwise, find true love without resorting to the devils wares? Stay tuned!

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  7. I never understood the Maidenform "Dream" ads...being somewhere in my underwear was one of my worst nightmares. Now I just dream I'm a serial killer...but then maybe I'm that bra-wearing model with the Crocodile head. Just pondering on this blah Monday.


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    1. LOL - I can't imagine you as a serial killer UNLESS you are wearing a crocodile head! I don't get the Maidenform ads either but they make great images.

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  8. ooh I quite fancy one of those conical bras....I had a bit rogue wire action too the other day!!

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  9. It really is embarrassing that we went around with big cone-shaped protuberances on our chests back in the day. No wonder I was a bra burning feminist in my 20s. And someone should definitely pay for coming up with the underwire idea.

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    Replies
    1. I can't imagine burning bras now - they are so much lycra it would create a toxic smoke!

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  10. Love St. Sluggo! And I remember Ma having one of those circular bras, talk about confinement! Have a great week:@)

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    1. Thanks! St Sluggo is probably fighting against bra confinement!

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  11. Bwa-ha-ha, your comments on the comments are just as hilarious as your posts, you divine creature. We called them cone tits. I love your St Sluggo! I think I have a St Idiot on my shoulder. What should I do to make her fly away?

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    Replies
    1. You need to get a better devil. Those guys are like pigeons. If you feed them they will flock to you.

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  12. I believe I am having PTSD! When I was but a child age 11 my next door neighbor (1967) used to wear those bras that made your boobs looke like pointed mountains with target circles on them! I feared that WHEN I did get those longed for boobs to put in my training bra that they would automatically come with target circles that everyone would see through my shirt! Aggggggggggggggggg!

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    Replies
    1. OMG! You have uncovered the secret of the training bra - we should have seen it. I mean, our moms would use special tape and bobby pins to 'train' our hair into those odd shapes so they were trying to get us to grow cones!

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  13. Replies
    1. Well, now we know where you stand - or sag - on the subject. Sadly, Helen would be a sagger.

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  14. I refuse to wear underwires. If God had wanted me to have wires attached to my body, he would have provided me with an electrical outlet at birth. Hope you are feeling better :)

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    1. LOL - feel fine but off to the dentist in a bit. Then a day of complaining, laying around, making people wait on me. Just like any Tuesday.

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  15. Sorry you have to get in that dentist's chair. I know what a literal pain that can be! By this time next week, though, you'll be feelin' groovy again. I am one of those people who was flat-chested enough to not have to wear a bra until around age 40 or so when "maturity" kicked in and I suddenly grew a pair. I was shocked and appalled! I STILL at age 54 have not grown accustomed to the way a bra feels. They're just not natural...or humane! Same thing with those evil Spanx! :-) Good luck at the dentist's office, and I hope it goes a lot smoother than you think. Take care!

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    Replies
    1. LOL - I was one of those who has late onset bosom blossom too!

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  16. I remember a lot of those things - but I do remember that exact bra! So funny now to see it. LOL I love your photos. sandie

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    1. Thanks - it's been interesting to see how advertisers tried to convince women what they needed back then.

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  17. Just ask my Hubby... I have been known to whip a under wire right out of my bra in a parking lot because it gave one of my hooties a poke! "The Mr. said.... WHAT IS THAT?" lmao
    "Nothing honey I just carry metal U's in my chest region."

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    Replies
    1. LOL - Helen now has a new insult - You low down hootie pokin' chestal U!

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  18. I guess they thought that since we didn't have to be strapped into a corset, we wouldn't mind a little wire poking us... I hate wearing a bra, but it's not too much fun without it either! UGh. Damned if you do, damned if you don't, right?

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    Replies
    1. Yes, damned gravity. If wires work so great I'd have my whole body wired up!

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  19. I love that little angel and debil...yes, I said debil...that's what we always called him! heehee!

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  20. Well, I have "heard" that one should go in and get a fitting, but that's kind of like getting on the scale... once you get on, it is confirmed! I don't want to know what size. I like to live in denial. ha ha ha

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