Thursday, December 20, 2012

BUY Humbug?


Dear Helen Hartman,
Should you send Christmas cards to family members that aren't speaking to you? How about gifts? haha! Just before Thanksgiving a family member told me not to call  her/him for a month or two. Let's see....a month takes care of Christmas....and 2 months takes care of my birthday. What a coincidence. Should I 'rise above' the pettiness of it all and GIVE....or say Bah Humbug?

In a Christmas quandry....Anonymous

Dear Anonymous Loved One,

Is this one of Helen’s relatives trying to get out of buying her a gift this year?  I need to know because my reply will depend a lot on whether I am advising myself out of some Christmas booty.

We've reviewed the footage of you bending over to pick up gifts under the tree, Helen. 6 out of 7  of us agree, you could do with a little less booty.

Like a lot of things this time of year, Helen is getting around to answering this a bit late. It’s just that it’s such a busy time of year.

I have NOT been lounging around putting black lace excitement into my private life, you know. 

Anonymous has probably already drawn a conclusion but in Mr/Ms. Mous is still wondering what to do in this situation the answer is -  did you learn nothing from all those made for TV movies about finding the true meaning of Christmas?

That the more annoying I find the man I met in an adorably unlikely way, the greater the chance he will be the one I can't make a happily ever after without?

No, this is the season to put your differences aside and spend, spend, spend!

Gee, I can't decide on just one. If you really loved me, you'd but them all!

Reaching out will give you a warm fuzzy feeling and let you start the new year feeling like you are the better person. Win Win!

I get the same results drinking the syrup from my brandied peaches and don't have to deal with  any people!

You may be asking yourself, wait, isn’t that all about me? Where’s the Christmas in that?

You can't have Merry without ME, y'all. That's not a play on spelling. I'm saying I won't let you have any merriness if you leave me out. Here's to Me!

But I confess Helen has never had anyone put a time frame on how long to stay out of their lives. I mean unless you count forever…

We're back - looks like it's that cold day in hell you were talking about!

It’s a strangely specific demand. Is there any chance the person you are talking about was recently accepted on a realty game show?

American's Next Top Male Nightshirt Model, perhaps?

Do what you want. Send a card to whoever you feel like remembering this time of year. Same with a gift. Give as you honestly feel like giving.  Unless we’re talking about  Helen – then there is not an option. Give the gift. And don’t be stingy – you are just one dopey Christmas choice away from not just watching those movies but being the subject of one!


22 comments:

  1. oh my...... christmas shouldn't be such a mine field.....unfortunately it so often is....happy holidays!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Only having a Dad with Alzheimer's between the two of us does has it's advantages. No relatives and friends who'd rather we went out partying than exchange pointless gifts and cards...Happy Xmas! x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We decided long ago that the celebration of the season was the goal. But we still give gifts. Can't help myself.

      Delete
  3. Well, once again you have entertained me to no end. I love your "take" on things- it is nice to know that someone else out in blogland is as warped as I am- xo Diana

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! Being warped has it's own rewards - less people to buy gifts for!

      Delete
  4. Well I have a large extended family of self-righteous religious maniacs who don't celebrate Christmas - fine by me, more money to spend on the ones I really, really love and yes, they get terribly spoilt. The remaining extended family are a bunch of fabulous, blasphemous heathens who are so sick to the back teeth of being fed a load of bollocks from a young age, they just buy for their kids. Sod the Scrooges Anonymous, give to the ones you love and appreciate and who love you back. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why didn't I put it like that? Perfect advice!

      Delete
  5. Let's just say that moving across the country away from the relatives was an advantage, not a problem. This is the last Christmas I have to dread. Maybe I should get one of those body stockings to celebrate.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh my! A quandry indeed! lol You always know just what to say to give us all a fun take on any crisis! I'm wondering about that 'cold day in hell'...but I won't dwell on it! heehee! I love reading the comments, too! This was my fav...."Sod the Scrooges Anonymous, give to the ones you love and appreciate and who love you back." Good advice! Merry Christmas sweet Helen! I hope all of your wishes come true! Sweet holiday hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Dear Helen, If I ever saw my Ted wearing any of those lounge items for men, I would be laughing so hard,I would pee in my lace lounger. What a sight we would both be. You are killing me girl.:):) xo,Susie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bwahahaha - Now THAT's a Christmas movie romance I'd love to see on Lifetime TV.

      Delete
  8. I'm definitely waiting to see who gives to me first, before I spend my hard earned money. Then I can just catch the after Christmas sales and pretend I was just late in getting them in the mail :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Well now, I'm just not sure what to say... That body stocking seems like quite the deal for under $10:@)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's 1954 $ for 1954 bodies. Now it would cost more to enjoy black lace excitement.

      Delete
  10. I SWEAR you must chug that "special eggnog" every day! You are HILARIOUS!!!!!! As for that "lounger", I just can't imagine myself in that thing...ever! It's worse than a thong!!!!! Merry Christmas, and I hope you get all the Christmas booty your dreams are made of and that the "special eggnog" doesn't go straight to the other booty! :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Merry Christmas and a mug of egg nog to you too!

      Delete
  11. Oh my gosh that lacy one piece number would be awfully cold to prance around in during the Christmas season. And what if you needed to use the potty ASAP!!! I don't know if I would be able to get out of it quick enough! *bwahahaha*

    Merry Christmas Helen!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOl - the ad did say you could wear a skirt with the body stocking. Merry Christmas to you too, Coconut!

      Delete

Loved To Have Their Own Say In Things Ones say:

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...