Thursday, December 27, 2012

Re-Solutions!


Dear Helen Hartman –
Do you make New Year’s Resolutions? I haven’t for a few years but am thinking of making some this year. Love to know what kinds of things you are resolving to do (or not do) in the coming year.

Dear Loved to Suggest Someone Resolve to Mind Their Own Beeswax about Resolutions One,

 Resolutions? Helen does not believe in them. 

Well. This is awkward. Seems someone has forgotten Helen has no room for improvement.
No, not that I don’t believe in MAKING them. I honestly don’t believe in them. Listening to people who do believe they seem as elusive as Bigfoot, improbable as winning the lottery, as much the stuff of fantasy as… Santa Claus?

No, as fantastical as Helen accepting a vacuum as a GIFT! 

So instead I set goals for the coming year. But lately my goals from each year have begun to seem hauntingly familiar.

Every year I swear I am going to stop piling my hair so high I can't hold my head up but then I find the Aqua Net and the giant daisies....

If I were to classify those goals they would pretty much fall under the banner: Stuff I suspect would finally get my life together.

Why don't I learn?

But lately it seems to me that the people I have thought have it all together actually just have it all together so they can hide it better!

Wow, I'd have never believed you could sweep so much crazy under one rug unless I'd seen it with my own eyes.

I’ve come to think that maybe, just maybe, lives aren’t meant to be ‘together’. Like the saying goes. Life is messy.


I know you're a girl so I'll go over this slowly. You use a scoop of the powder inside the box. Do not put the whole box inside. 

Make resolutions? If you must here are some premade ones for you.

I resolve: To be kinder. 

Yeah? Start by being kinder to our eyes and stop wearing that blouse with that skirt.

More forgiving of faults.


Next year I am going to try to see others through what I like to call my Magic "I Like You" Window. Also Magic I Like You Window will be my new code word for booze.

More generous with my appreciation.


Willis had no clue that terms like cup-winning and Zero King were anything but compliments. Poor guy never stood a chance of finding the much touted "hidden pockets"


There you go. Now just print a few copies of these out and hand them to everyone in your life. Helen promises you, once you give up on trying to straighten yourself up and move on to trying to make others behave, things just have a way of working out for the better (for you - and that's what really counts, right?). 

22 comments:

  1. I have crazy under my carpet too... if you stomp on it a little with your foot it's all good:@) Happy New Year!

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    1. LOL _ I'm afraid if I stomp it will ooze out!

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  2. I like the setting goals approach but I do notice some of my goals get moved from year to year. One more year to set a goal of painting my bathroom blue! Will you remind me of that later? heehee! Love the very first caption! I agree...how can you improve on perfection?

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    1. LOL- You have inspired me to photograph my bedroom walls (one cream, one sage, one partially bright blue one with test splotches) to shame myself into finally picking a color and painting the room.

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  3. I love you-you lunatic! I love the crazy under the carpet- wonder if there are bugs under their bed...real or otherwise? Great post- xo Diana

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    1. It's a family joke that we sweep our crazy under the carpet and it never stays there. Bedbugs, however, that's just toooo crazy.

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  4. You mean I've been doing it wrong by taking my crazy out and parading it down Main Street?

    Dagnabbit, guess it's back to the drawing board for me!

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    1. Oh, there's something to be said for getting the crazy out for all to see - fewer drop in visitors for one :). I'm just late in realizing that everyone HAS crazy some people just hide it better.

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  5. I resolve to try and find myself a Rexair Rainbow in the next decade of my life. (Will it happen?) I hope so!

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    1. I hope so - and you can slap some big ol googly eyes on it and make it your pet robot!

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  7. I need to just keep an oxygen tank nearby for when I'm reading your posts! Oh, my goodness...I laughed until it hurt on this one!!! LOVE the Tide one!!! And I'll have a glass of that Magic I Like You Window to go, please! :-) Have a safe and Happy New Year!

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    1. Alycia - you are so upbeat and creative I don't think you need that magic window - you brighten the world around you!

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  8. A great way to approach the New Year: Read Helen's blog, ponder the points if you can while howling with laughter! Then just share the wisdom...:P

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    1. It's all part of my plan to make the world a better place - for me!

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  9. HaHaHaHaHa!!!!!! I've swept so much crazy under the carpet that there is a huge mound under there. I find it just trips people up and when they are flat on their face I point out the error of their ways!!!!! Have a Happy New Year

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  10. Great goals!! I agree, people that I know that are super "together" seem to fall apart easily if their perfect world get's out of place. Thank you for being such a peach! Happy New Year!!

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  11. I like these goals! Hope your new year is full of blessings!

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  12. Great way to start my 2013! In addition to printing this out to hand out, I'm hanging it on my own fridge - thanks Helen. Happy New Year...Tanya

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