Friday, January 18, 2013

Has Helen Got Some Dish(es) For You!


Dear Helen Hartman,
One of the women at my work is a terrible gossip. No topic or person seems off limits. I find it disruptive and unprofessional. I love my job but if things don’t improve I am thinking of asking to transfer to another department to get away from this Lucy Loose Lips. 


Dear Loved One,

Unprofessional and disruptive? 

I can see why you’d LOVE your job!

Helen is SO with you. I hate a terrible gossip. 

Remember, if you are going to the trouble to disparage, judge and cast shame on fellow human beings have the common courtesy to do a good job of it!

Want advice on how to get better gossip out of others… come close my dears, listen and learn.

That’s it.

No I mean it. LISTEN.  Stuff your hot dish hole with your best tuna noodle casserole if you must 

Even the slop my tacky neighbor Teresa tries to pass off as made from scratch
 (please, the only thing that gal has made from scratch is a spreading rash)
would taste good from this cute dish - new find $4.

Eat it but keep it out of your ears (I have seen how you eat). You are going to need them to hear all the good stuff your companions are going to start serving up.


No, that was NOT a cheap ploy to allow me to show off my newly found Melmac serving dishes. I'll have you know I paid .99 cents each for these.

If you must open your yap, master the art of what Helen calls the GPD the ‘gasp of pure delight’. I KNOW you know what I mean. 

Study this illustration for an example of how to
appear far more engaged in an issue than you really are.
No way are all these people THAT excited about MORE ANYTHING
in Pennsylvania.

A GPD is like the proverbial carrot dangled out to grease the wheels of the rumor mill. 

 Carrot grease? That can't be right, which is what I said when I found this
Barvarian sacred heart plate for just a buck. 

But don’t overdo it. You don’t want to sound too anxious to get the scoop on all the ill deeds of others. That doesn't look for you.

You do not want your own reputation to flat line, do you? BTW if you have an angel for a
nurse, shouldn't your progress chart be better than that zig zaggy nonsense? Is she just messin'
with you? You're Healed! No, you're not! 

Shocked that Helen would advocate participating in gossip? I think once again you assumed you are smarter than Helen.

Who do you think you are? My dog, Bacon Hambutt, who seems to always know
when to photobomb me - like when showing off this $2 pant stand?
No, you've got to get up pretty early in the morning to outsmart Helen - and while you
are up so early, make Helen breakfast.
Let me make this simple. How much we enjoy something is often influenced by how it is presented to us. People who want to spread vicious gossip often don’t understand that. Your office mate is an example. Every time she opens her mouth she tells you more about herself than whatever she is blabbing about. So why be quiet and let her do it?

Honestly, who do you think more kindly of - Lucy or the Gossip rags of Star Town USA  who told tales about her?
And by the way - What does Jack Webb really want?

Because left to fill an awkward silence even poor gossips are going to keep talking and talking until they go too far. That’s when your silence drives home the point. I know you Loved One, you can say more in a look than most people can say in a tirade.  Let that gossip know that you are onto her and are not giving her any fuel.

Her eyes say 'so you think you can talk smack about my friends on My turf'? But her lips say "Well, look at your darling little outfit. You sure have gotten a lot of wear out of it but then you could since you never seem to go out with the same man twice."

Try listening to that gossip. You may get just the right ammo to shut her up. I mean, who knows what that gossip might confess to! 

World's best edition of CLUE - $3 'MINT' condition!!
NOW THAT's something to gossip about!

Miss Helen, in the library with a glance? 

Have a Wonderful weekend!

joining Pink Saturday


31 comments:

  1. I will have to try this technique anytime a family member wants to spend time, as they call it, 'catching up'.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Be warned, results may vary, especially when family is involved!

      Delete
  2. Hello Helen:
    We are sure that your correspondents' details are kept in the strictest confidence, but if you could just bend the rules, we should be thrilled to know the workplace of this delicious gossip. We fear that we are not hearing enough good old gossip at present and so a change of scene would be great. We can only foresee one problem and that is that we are, to all intents and purposes, completely unemployable but we are sure that you will find a way for us. Hoping to hear from you soon. Our blog posts act as our CVs!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not saying this is where the letter writer works but I suggest you try to get a job in a grocery store if gossip is your goal. Not only is there gossip about coworkers but also about shoppers, not to mention all those celebrity gossip magazines - it's a bonanza! And lucky for you a certain market I am thinking of is always hiring warm bodies - and often barely lukewarm bodies.

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  3. Dear Helen, When I was a kid, I liked the celeb mags. I can easily tell you where I hate to hear gossip...on the morning news...who cares. Love your plant stand and the melmac. I wish I had my old melmac dishes. I remember being so happy when I first got them. Helen , hope your weekend is a blast. xoxo,Susie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You too! (weekend being a blast wise). I am totally with you on gossip on the morning shows. When did that trend start and how soon can it be over?

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  4. You're right. If you try to tell someone you don't appreciate hearing gossip, they just get defensive. They don't know how to respond to a withering look.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe we should practice our withering looks just to keep the gossips quiet.

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  5. I really like your Melmac finds. I buy it up when I see it too. (For my FUTURE "If ever" travel trailer.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ooooh, I have just decided I want a travel trailer too - now I have a whole new reason to buy STUFF! Thanks.

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  6. 1. What amazing finds! I would be shrieking over any of them.

    2. Bacon Hambutt = best name EVER.

    3. In the immortal words of those buxom Hee Haw Honeys : "We're not the kind to go 'round repeatin' gossip....so you better be sure and listen close the first time! "

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hee-Haw~ I can't believe I didn't think about that song. I loved it.

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  7. Gasp-fest indeed! The Angel-of-You're-Only-Leaving-Here-in-a-Pine-Box is adorable and I absolutely NEED the bleeding heart plate to pile up with plenty of gateau while beating the hell out of my kids at my favourite game Clue!! What finds!! Oh yes, looking too eager can put the gossiper off her game and I agree with employing the GPD along with eyes-round-as-saucers, covering-mouth-with-fingers and furtive-looking-over-gossiper's-shoulder.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can just imagine you stringing the gossip gal along with quite the show. If you do love Clue this is the game - more characters, more weapons but still the basic premise - J'accuse!

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  8. Hey! Hey now! We have lots to be excited about in PA!!! There's... there's... there's Scrapple by golly! Now, aren't you blushing:@)
    Have a great weekend!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How could I have missed that? I am sure the whole family gathers around booklets and radiates excitement at the very thought of Scrapple... wait, I just looked up what that is.

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  9. Hi! I've come to your delightful blog from Beverly's Pink Saturday ~ Now following you, my Dear!
    Hugs,
    Anne

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thank you - am off to visit you and follow right back! HPS.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Very cool blog. Interesting posts. ;)
    Nice atmosphere guests with you here on the blog. ;]
    Yours. Have a nice day. !

    Follow me on facebook fanpage and blog
    I'm very concerned about this, please. :)
    https://www.facebook.com/pages/In-another-light/413836138693856

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thank you - I visited and followed your blog, and can't wait to see more of your work.

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  13. Your post reminds me of an experience I had when a colleague ask me why I don't attend parties, I told her straight that I don't like gossip. She looked at me funny lol.

    Hopping from Pink Saturday.
    Here's MINE, your comment is always appreciated.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I always end up talking to my hubby at parties. Not that I don't love other people, but so few have the same sense of humor and I get bored hearing about, well, almost anything they are talking about!

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  14. Helen, I'll be back to dish with you!

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  15. Great advice and great board game!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks - it's the best Clue - the others got too complicated. This one is just right.

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  16. We must go thrifting and barn hunting together!

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  17. You always make me smile! I'll have to work on my GPD. Will let you know how it goes. :)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks - can't wait to find out. I am going to give a workshop on epubbing in March with CCW - maybe will see you then.

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  18. Hey don't know PA till you try it:)

    Your advice is spot on my sweet friend!

    Enjoy your week!
    Leann

    ReplyDelete

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