Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Where's the Bouff?



Dear Helen Hartman,
Regarding your last post: No matter how much I teased and sprayed and back-combed it my hair looked more pffftt than poofed! My mother told me they used to save stockings with runs in them and roll them up to use as padding to get their buns and bumps as big as possible. Well, I don’t wear ‘stockings’ and I certainly don’t want bigger buns!
I want to protest that women have moved beyond all that work just to look nice but deep down, I want hair as big as Jiffy POP! How can I learn to love what I’ve got?

Dear Doesn’t Love Her Limp Locks One,
Stockings, huh? When Helen was a child and didn’t listen her mother would sing a song about not putting beans in your ears.

It was a simpler time. And by simple I mean silly.


 I guess if you come from a time when children had beans in their ears, it’s not so surprising that their moms has socks in their hair.

That way you could dry your laundry and get a nice hairdo at the same time!
Even if you are steamed and pounded!
(From the look on her face, I think Nancy is the one who is steamed)

My own Mom came from an earlier time when she used feminine hygiene products as rollers to get the soft pageboy waves popular at the time. It sounds like you and I come from a long line of wackadoodle resourceful people – especially when it came to looking good.

Wow, Mom, you used eyebrow pencils on your legs and those in you hair?
Suddenly I'm rethinking your advice on pretty much everything.


Like you, I want to think we are bigger than our hair.  


Some parts ARE bigger than my hair. Once I tried to get my hair big enough to compensate for those parts and I couldn't even stand up without pitching forward under the weight of it. I did look FABULOUS though.

But then I look at the photos from the red carpet of The Golden Globes and I want to snatch some of those ladies bald headed. For some of them it would have been an improvement, I tell you.

Honestly, ladies, my hair looks better than a lot of yours and
I'm just ironing! You should see me when I go to the Piggly Wiggly -
not giving anything away but a tiara is involved.

I mean, I adore Amy Poehler but the sideways ponytail looked dorky when Cissy wore it on Family Affair and did you see… What? That’s not what you asked about?

Isn't it cute when someone thinks they are steering the boat ?
When you get on board with Helen, Loved Ones,
she puts on her leopard skin bikini and takes the wheel! 


I’m just saying even gems and fancy clothes can’t make up for not doing something about your hair. 

Even if all you do is wear a hat, wear a CUTE one. (Hat and huge picnic basket from the Honey Boo Boo yoga and yummy fixins collection)

It may not be enlightened but you just feel better when you’ve made an effort with your hair. And people treat you differently. Honestly, it was like I had a spotlight on me - which, of course, is something I often like to do - but with good hair, I didn't have to lug the light around and find a place to plug it in to shine!


Personality so blistering bright you might want to wear suncreen.


The biggest question is – how can you be happy with what you’ve got? Helen can’t tell you how many times she has asked herself that. Often while looking at Hubby Hartman!

Richard H Rich. According to the magazine that is his REAL name and obviously the ladies love him.
 It doesn't hurt that he was a millionaire.


 Well, like our friend Richie Rich (yes, that IS TOO his name) the best idea is to use what you've got to your best advantage. if your hair won't BOUFFANT then look around and find a style that it will lend itself too and find a way to make it an easy part of your style. You won't regret it.



19 comments:

  1. Hello Helen:
    We can totally see the wisdom of your advice in that if one's hair is not one's best asset then simply look around and find what is. The problem is........search as we may, we simply cannot find a good point let alone a best point that we could make something of. Perhaps it will just have to be the paper bag over the head look for us both, then we can pretend to be twins!!!!

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    1. Well, do it right. Glue some sequins and glitter on those bags so you look like you made an effort.

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  2. Hope you're still rockin' that fabulous up-do from the other day (of COURSE you are - you're HELEN!) My friend went in and got a new "do" this weekend - got the whole steamed and pounded treatment! Hung out with me that day, doing tourist things on the Vegas Strip, looking stunning...complaining the whole time her hair was too "poufy", despite my protestations to the opposite - promptly went home and washed it out! Beans in her ears, I'm telling you! Thanks for the smiles this morning, Helen - you ROCK, as usual! Happy Hump Day...

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    1. WHAT? I got 3 days out of that 'bump' - a bump and a flip on day 2 and a Barbie bubble on day 3. Total strangers struck up conversations with me that had to be good hair related.

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  3. And to continue this frame of thought. As you get older things change and your hair gets finer and thinner. Just something for your younger gals to look forward to! I like to spread some sunshine! heehee!

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    1. Heck, if you are going to 'tease' your hair then take the tease all the way and just buy fake hair. My Aunt Bette had a wiglet and heck, if they still made 'em I might too!

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  4. That 1951 Chris Craft ad caught my eye - do you know how valuable that boat would be now? Around $30k or more. *sighs*

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  5. Hello!!

    Thanks so much for stopping by!! I was really thrilled with all my clearance sale finds!!

    Have a great day!

    hugs,
    Deb

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    1. They were amazing! Thanks for coming by too.

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  6. I don't mind walking around with pantyhose in my hair if I have too! I once couldn't find panthose so tried a black sock ... it really didn't turn out well.
    I lol'ed about the feminine products! BAHAHAH Imagine having to answer the door like that.

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    1. I think they hid under curler caps. I'd rather have that than those painful brush rollers that some people's mom's always seem to wear.

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  7. Loved all the cute wonderful pictures, those were the fun simplier days for sure....panty hose are better in your hair then on your legs...so hot...lol...I am a new follower of yours and I look forward to coming back again and again..come on over for a visit...

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    1. Thanks and thanks for coming by - I followed you too - love finding new, interesting blogs.

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  8. Great images they did make me smile. Great advice to it ;-) dee x

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    1. Thanks. Helen is longing for a meatier issue to tackle advice wise but until then...

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  9. Very sound advice indeed Ms Hartman ... I probably should try and make the best of my mousey-brown hair with added grey but a blond bombshell has taken up residence in my brain. She isn't very clever though, I burned my hair from leaving the bleach in too long and had to have a major hacking session with the scissors in front of the bathroom mirror a few days ago. I must say I do like the results though. I wonder if an Australian Akkubra hat with hanging tampons instead of corks will ever take off here?

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    1. Bwahahahaha on the hat - take a photo if you take up wearing one! As I get older I now understand why my Mom bought a wig. Cutting your own hair? Hey, whatever works (I am no longer even allowed to cut the dog's hair). I bet you look fab.

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  10. Best advice for a bad hair day! I've got pokers for hair and well...I don't say I want curls or waves, even though I might look longingly at that kind of hair :P

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    Replies
    1. My hair is fine and straight so teasing is the best hope. Have always loved curly hair - my son has blonde curls, life ain't fair.

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