Express Yourself!

Dear Helen Hartman,

I don’t have a question I just need to say something: Gag me with a spoon!

Oh, don’t take that personally. It’s just an expression. An expression my children have forbidden me from ever uttering again. Why? Because it makes me sound stooopid. And like something that belongs in a museum. And they hate it. But I still like saying it. There. I said it. Or I will, whenever I want!

Dear Loved the 80s So Much She Never Got Over it One,

Good for you! And on those overly critical kiddos? You have Helen’s empathy. My kids also think I am a dinosaur.

To which I said - You think I'm like DINAH SHORE? WOW! I LOVE Dinah Shore.
Did they think they were dealing with an amateur at not hearing criticism? This is not my first rodeo. 
I am like the Dinah Shore of rodeos. I should have that put on a T-Shirt.

However they don’t mind it when I say old stuff, you know why?

Because they never listen to you?

Because to them I AM old and they expect me to say things like Mind Your Own Beeswax and Shut Your Cake Hole.

Oh my! You are one sassy mouthed firecracker of a dame, Helen.

Those are not expressions from my youth, I just like 'em. I think they still work. Some expressions are like that, aren't they?

Peanuts as a cost equivalent? It still works. In fact, these days some people would be glad to be paid in peanuts - it might be more practical than a paycheck.

Some expressions not so  much

Apparently there was a time when people had difficulty knowing this stuff from a less useful substance.

What my offspring really hate is when I try to use current slang.

That pot luck last night got tots cray-cray. I know Lois is one your mains but she's such a derp.
 Instagram that photobomb, K? YOLO.

I have no idea if I used any of that right. I do know that I sometimes use what I think is current only to have my son tell me "NEVER USE THOSE WORDS AGAIN."

That was like handing me a loaded bubble gun!

Of course I will do whatever my son tells me to do. NOT! (yeah, that's one dated expression I can't quit)
So my advice to you… yeah, I do realize you didn’t ask for advice, but I’m giving it anyway.

Helen drives this bus - actually she WISHES she did. Actually the person in charge in this pic isn't the driver either, so it works. When the queen is happy there is peace in the Kingdom. Or in a thrifters case - there is JUNK in the kingdom.

If you want to really irritate your kids, speak their language. Literally.

What about you, Loved Ones, are you still using an expression from your youth, or someone elses?