Friday, April 26, 2013

Party of One?


Dear Helen Hartman,
After this insufferable protracted Winter I am ready to celebrate by hosting some kind of get together with friends.  This presents me with many unique problems. My home feels so gloomy and unkempt (please do not suggest a good Spring cleaning, if I wait until I accomplish that the celebration will be postponed until it’s a summerfest).  My other concerns revolve around mix of friends. I love them but most are very opinionated, all are quite creative and I worry the only thing they will agree upon is that my setting is not up to snuff.  Help!

Dear Loved Her Friends But One
My, you use a lot of big words. Not that Helen can’t handle them, of course.

For example, living in the country Helen is very much PRO TRACTOR

One word that does stand out? PRESENTS.


Remember if you give Helen a gift, it should be in excellent taste.
Also it should cost at least $17.98.

I know that’s not how you used it but that’s really what we are talking about. You want to offer the gift of a celebration to your friends and whether we admit it or not we all want the gifts we offer to do one thing.

ONE thing? We use gifts and parties to show off our good taste, fabulous success and put people in our debt. Oh wait, you mean the the present we give of people to bask in the glow of OUR presence, right?

You give something to make someone happy. It’s a noble cause.
So naturally Helen wants nothing to do with it

Regarding your friends – have you ever heard the saying – make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other is gold?

Not that Helen is showing off or anything but she has been collecting super cheapo silver stuff to set a table for a summer tea party she hopes to host. 

Well the bottom has dropped out of all the prices of precious metals, as it should out of judgey-judgey friends who can’t get along with others.

Get Helen talking about the bottom dropping on ANYTHING! I guess she hasn't seen herself from behind lately!

Unless they are sitting next to me and we are judging those others – now THAT’s a party!

 Helen suggestions – consider an outdoor buffet. No house cleaning, plenty of space for people to mingle or to form opposing camps and rumble.

Helen does not actually go outside but she hears it is full of things like this. Flowers, not mid-mod coffee pots. If it was the coffee pots Helen would be outside all the time.

Not for you? How about an after hours party – a fun gathering after an event!

Apparently people who are tired and or have been drinking are often more forgiving.


If not at least they are more inclined to forget faster.

Also after 10 people seem to be less picky, as are cookbook standards as this dish is so eloquently called: Hawaiian meat chunks.
Or get fancy. Put a scoop of pink ice cream on an old pear or dump a banana split in a glass. It's after 10, who is going to even notice?

Serve this and everyone will agree – they are never coming to your house again!

Don't lose any sleep over this. No, not over my the musical bassinet I got for a buck that now so sweetly holds stuff on my vanity, over this party thing. Oh and over how Helen finds the coolest stuff and never shares. That can keep anyone awake. 

Don’t let worries over a few potential party poopers stop you from inviting your friends out to celebrate. If you are relaxed and up for the effort, they will appreciate it. If they don't?

Remember, Revenge is a dish best served with cabbage.

Joining PINK Saturday!

27 comments:

  1. Can't say I'm very impressed with the fayre but I'm totally digging that pink silk trouser suit! xxx

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  2. Oh, mercy! I'll have to remember that... serve some strong drinks to start and then no one will care what I serve! hehe...

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    1. There you go - party problems solved and CREATED in one fell swoop!

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  3. I'm afraid to ask...what the hell is that cabbage dish?? Are those mushrooms or some sort of sea creature?

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    1. I honestly don't know what they are. This is one of the most, um, relaxed cookbooks I've ever seen. I am sure the recipe is there but not sure where it is. Anyone who has this - am I not seeing it?

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  4. I LOVE that coat in that 2nd photo!!! I would wear something like that even today! Maybe even the hat...although I'm really not much of a hat person. I'm sure that today that decimal point in the price would be switched dramatically to the right!!!!

    Looking at those "Hawaiian meat chunks" and gross desserts has helped with my diet today! :-) Seriously...hard to believe people actually ATE that crap and thought they were being swank!

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    1. I know - and after paying 39 cents for a cookbook you'd think they'd have better ideas... or at least better artwork!

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  5. Love the way you share then and now.

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    1. Thank you - someday people will have a laugh over the way we do things now, I think.

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  6. I wondered about those things in the cabbage too...but I was still too focused on that almost-rotten pear to figure it out. I know photo styling has come a long way, but wouldn't you think that Good Housekeeping could have afforded a fresh one? That is truly disgusting.

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    1. LOL - I think it was soaked in something. I remember my mom was always soaking peaches in brandy for some desert back then.

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  7. Dear Helen Hartman - Is that Spam on a Stick? Who wouldn't be up for that! It's always a pleasure visiting your advice page! :) Nancy

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    1. I do think the meat chunks are SPAM. Honestly it is the least amount of effort I've ever seen in a cookbook!

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  8. I was thinking of the outdoor party, too. I just don't 'entertain' like I used to...big dinners, etc. I would rather make plans to go 'out to eat' or even meet for a picnic at the park. My friends are happy with that style of get togethers, too! Enjoy your weekend...plan a picnic! heehee!

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    1. Yes and as we get older I am less excited about cooking and more happy to pick up something from a restaurant and take it over. I love cooking, but getting together is more about the people than the food.

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  9. Dear Helen,
    Greetings. I am your new Biggest Fan (there's a lot of me). Anyone who can work a mid century coffee pot, a man in a tux, Hawaiian Meat Chunks (bet it SPAM) and a line I WILL be quoting (Remember revenge is a dish best served with cabbage) into one blog is my kinda blogger. To paraphrase an Ironic Icon, if you're even at a party with nothing nice to say about anyone - come sit next to me.

    What IS the cabbage dish? Red cabbage and yams? That picture is going to haunt me. Seriously.

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    1. Me too on that dish. It was in a selection of color photos and I can't find the corresponding recipe - I admit I didn't look long! I am sure the meat chunks are SPAM but I like how someone found a way to make Spam sound LESS appetizing.So glad to have you here

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  10. Oh goodness. You have me on the floor laughing with this post. You are the best.

    Happy Pink Saturday. It wouldn't be the same without you.♥

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    1. I actually take Pink Saturday postings in mind when I answer things, I love it so much!

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  11. I like the outdoor idea. I thought for sure you would go with my favorite, dim the lights and use candles. - Dust disappears! I actually like one of those dresses! Very chic, indeed.

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    1. True, that is wonderful advice for someone who has a better class of friends than Helen. I'm afraid if I turn the lights down when I flip them on again half my silver will be missing!

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  12. After 10 pm cooking? That's a new one on me! 'Reminds me of my wild youth when I'd arrive home at 3:30 am and cook myself breakfast...then go to bed!

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    1. I used to go to Dennys. Cooking? Not for me.

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  13. How could a party possibly go wrong when everyone is being served Hawaiian Meat Chunks? It's tres elegant and all that junk!

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    1. No kidding. I bet it shows up in all the best soirees.

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