Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Summer of all Fears

Dear Helen Hartman,
It's the most horrible time of the year: Swimsuit season! My kids are too little to go to the pool alone so I am going to have to squirm my over sized behind into one of those awful things and go outside wearing it. Unless you can help me come up with some great excuses for why we won't be going swimming this year? Please? Petty please with sugar on top?

Dear Loved One Too Many Things with Sugar on Top One,

Because pastry, fruit in syrup, cream filling are NOT enough!

Helen has a question for you

Because why should Helen have to do all the work? She shouldn't. It's her blog, she should be sitting back drinking a martini while you do the heavy lifting of giving answers.

Don't you also have to go outside wearing your over sized behind even when it's not squished into a swimsuit?

Because if you've found a way not to have to lug around all that junk in your trunk the rest of us want to know how.  because 61 inch wide seating would not longer fit FULL GROWN adults with luxurious spaciousness!

In other words, why are you even thinking of spoiling your kids summer because you're suddenly aware of a physical short fall?

\It's not the SHORT FALL that bothers most of us,  dear, it's the WIGGLE of the Width!  Some things you Can't just tie a scarf around and cover them up.

Actually you CAN tie a scarf around your hips and go out. Or take the time to find a suit that suits your figure.

Why not bloom in bloomers? I mean, who'd EVER think you were hiding anything in these?

Excuses, my dear, are for sissies. Summers when your kids are young are fleeting things. In fact, summer is fleeting. Why let a little thing like, well, a BIG thing keep you from enjoying every minute?

Hint: Beer helps. 

You can wear ANYTHING as long as you have the confidence to pull it off.



I don't mean like THAT! Whatever you wear to the pool, accessorize it with a smile and you'll be fine!

Have a wonderful week!


30 comments:

  1. We should go back to those old-fashioned, full coverage suits. They're kinder on the figure and kinder for all the other people at the pool who don't want too much information!

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    1. Yes, there is the consider your neighbor factor in some suits - also the be Kind- get a second mirror and check yourself from behind.

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  2. All I can say is "Amen!" Viva le Helen!

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  3. HAHAHAHAHA - I also adopted the attitude of "I'm never gonna' see these people again" when taking my little ones to the pool (and it's surprising how good YOU actually look once you get to the public pool, in all actuality!). I DID, however, throw all my swimsuits away as soon as my kids could swim on their own (sad, because I have a pool in the backyard, same as everyone else in Vegas)...sigh! Working on the bod right now, for summer...maybe a new suit is in the stars?! Happy Tuesday, Helen - thanks for the laugh!


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    1. Thanks for coming by - you know even skinny people worry about how they look in a swimsuit. I'd worry if I were them too because it they look too good someone like me might just kick sand at them.

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  4. If you wait until you're old, like me, then you won't give a flip if you don't look like Miss America. But, by then, the kids will be too old and won't want to be seen at a pool with you because you don't look like Miss A! Enjoy the pool with your kids...life is too short to be worrying about what people think.
    Thanks for the chuckles, I always love the old pics and your captions!

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    1. Yep - life goes by too fast to put off getting into the pool because you're worried what people will think

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  5. I haven't worn a swimsuit in decades!!! Seriously!!! I wouldn't want to frighten little children and cause old people's hearts to give out on them. It's THAT bad!!! Not just the hips, either. It's the thighs, the what-used-to-be-a-waistline and those jiggly J-E-L-L-O underarms that have kept me running in the other direction. Although apparently not running long or hard enough because I'm STILL too fat to fit into a swimsuit without serious repercussions! :-)

    I guess the flip side of this is that I have no real reason to wear a swimsuit. I live in the Midwest. You know we're country out here! We just wear our Daisy Dukes, give a hog holler and jump on in the cement pond!!! :-)

    Thanks for a good laugh today, Annie. I really needed that! Have a great week!!!

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    1. LOL - one of the things I thought was so funny about Kansas City (Lees Summit) was that all the subdivisions had neighborhood swimming pools that no one could use because it was too hot, too windy, too likely a thunder storm was just about to break out!

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  6. Ah! My motto is: If you don't like what you see, DON"T LOOK! I am going to wear my bathing suit until I am 100 years old! I love the pool and nothing is going to stop me, not cottage cheese thighs or streached marked boobs, not sags or bags or wrinkles! Life is too short, get out there and flaunt what you got!

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    1. Good for you! I hope everyone follows 'suit'!

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  7. Find a swimsuit with a cute little skirt on it and have fun with kids! Oh and I agree with Helen's Hint:@)

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    1. :) I actually found swim 'shorts' a couple seasons ago and love them - but can't find new ones. It's not the size for moi, it's the sag!

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  8. Oh-I have missed your fun posts while I was away! zo Diana

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  9. A tankini and a well cut pair of board shorts are a godsend!

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    1. Great Advice - the most important thing is to be bold and have fun!

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  10. I think I have dreaded swimsuit season for the past 4 or so Summers. HAHAH
    I always tell myself in the Winter I will drop 10 pounds by bathing suit season but... hmmmm I don't always fall through. I enjoy snacks a little to much I think...
    *Thinks about KFC she just ate yesterday for dinner*
    *EEEEEP*

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    1. I dread it as much for myself as I do for others - because I have to look at others!

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  11. Aha, another potential Helen bumper sticker, "Be Kind, Check Your Behind" with a bikini silhouette.

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  12. Love those suits!! They really need to bring back a few of those styles. Seriously fab. Speaking of fab, your blog header is fab!!

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    1. Aww thanks. I love the old suits but they were a lot of construction.

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  13. I vote for accessorizing with those cute swim skirts they have now - like the ones from Land's End. If a bathing suit is necessary these can be lifesavers!

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    1. Will have to take a peek. Love Lands End.

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  14. I have a solution! I live in Florida where people wear swimsuits for casual wear! lol COVER UPS! They are pretty and cool....thin but at least you FEEL covered! I have more of those than swimsuits now! heehee! I mentioned you on my blog this morning! Sweet hugs!

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  15. Amen. Life is too short not to be fabulous.

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  16. Love this blog!!!!!!!!!!! Love the pics, love the smile advice the most. Good thing too because this blog made me smile :)

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  17. I think I need a new swimsuit. The knees and elbows have worn out on my old one...

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